


Storybook Romance

by electric_eel



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2019-10-23 19:54:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 44
Words: 75,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17689835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electric_eel/pseuds/electric_eel
Summary: It's a tale as old as time...





	1. Family Dinner

CJ Cregg stood at the sink in her kitchen, filling a pot with water and placing it on the stove to boil. According to the carefully crafted dinner schedule hanging on the side of the fridge, it was her night to cook. She heard the familiar introduction of her favorite news talk program and grabbed the remote, clicking the volume up a few notches so she’d be ready when it began after the commercial break. It was different for her now, she thought, being on this side of the news. 

After the end of the Bartlet administration, she’d taken the job with the Hollis Foundation and returned to Los Angeles. She’d busied herself with humanitarian work and traveled frequently, but she’d always kept up on politics. It was in her bloodstream now. But, she admitted, she did like the ability to turn the television on and simply watch. She didn’t have to personally attend to every crisis that would flit across the screen anymore. No, no. That was Josh Lyman’s problem now. 

“Danny,” she called out as she made her way towards the couch. “It’s time.”

Danny Concannon briskly made his way down the stairs and rounded the corner to the living room, kissing his wife on the cheek and plopping down next to her on the couch. Even though he spent the entirety of his day absorbed in breaking news as an editor, this was one of his favorite moments of the day. He’d sit on the couch with his wife and hear what Anderson Cooper had to say. Both of them were nothing more than two citizens watching a television program. There was something simple about it, and he cherished it. 

“What’s for dinner,” he asked as the TV touted the newest upgrades to a popular sports utility vehicle during the commercial break. 

“Italian,” she took a sip of her wine. “I picked up fresh pasta from that little shop on La Cienega while I was out today. Oh, look- It’s on.” She settled back into Danny’s arms.

“Our show tonight begins with a topic we’ve heard a lot about in the last 24 hours,” the commentator began.

CJ let out a deflated sigh as her shoulders slumped. She had assumed it would likely be the first topic up to bat, but it didn’t make it any easier to handle. 

“The new tell all book that is taking Washington by storm,” the man on television continued. “Hellhound: How Bartlet’s Bulldog Turned Rabid, the upcoming book is an insider’s view of the DC political scene under the rule of Santos’ Chief of Staff Josh Lyman. Though the author’s identity and the contents of the book remain a closely guarded secret, stores across the country are reporting skyrocketing presales only hours after the announcement of Hellhound’s release. Tonight we welcome to the show President Santos’ Press Secretary Louise Thornton as well as the former Senator from Idaho Chris Carrick. Both have worked closely with Lyman and we look forward to their perspectives. Senator, Ms. Thornton, Welcome.”

CJ scoffed outright from her place on the couch. “Chris Carrick? Oh, give me a break. He probably helped write the damn thing.”

“Shh,” Danny was watching intently. “They’re reading the back of the book jacket.”

“...however the root of the problem facing this country today is Chief of Staff Josh Lyman.

Known for his brash behavior and his who-gives-a-damn view of his opponents' belief systems, Lyman is no stranger to American politics. If you've been inside the beltway longer than a few minutes you've likely heard his name. 

On the surface he's known for being a political kingmaker and traveling in high profile circles. But at his core Lyman is a cultural elitist more interested in waging war on his opponents than finding a compromise to benefit the American people. He's the muscle behind the modern liberal dynasty and the Democratic Party's fixer. And Lyman isn't afraid to play dirty.”

But before CJ and Danny could hear the responses from the panel, the front door opened and CJ lunged for the remote. 

“I”m home,” Donna called out just as CJ flipped to a station showing a rerun of a 90s era sitcom. “It smells great in here, Ceej,” Donna rounded the corner into the living room, glancing at the clock and then towards the TV as her friends sat awkwardly on the couch.

“You don’t have to change it because of me,” she told them, licking her lips nervously and staring out the window. He’s going to be in the news. He’s the Chief of Staff. And now with this book coming out of nowhere, you can’t avoid it.”

“Donna-” CJ really didn’t know where to begin. Josh had always been a difficult topic for the two of them, but as they tried to settle into their roles outside the Bartlet White House that had slowly changed. They’d both opened up about the Josh Lyman sized elephant in the room over a bottle of wine one night and CJ was finally beginning to understand some of the things she’d tried to miss as press secretary. “I don’t want you to get upset.”

“I won’t,” Donna tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, trying to convince herself of the same words she was currently selling to CJ and Danny. “It’s been on TV and the radio all day. There’s no escaping it. I’m not-,” she paused, attempting to gather her thoughts. “It’s fine. I’m okay. Watch the news. But Sam’s right behind me and he isn’t taking this so well,” she warned.

“Actually,” she glanced at the clock, “if we have a couple of minutes I’m going to change clothes before dinner.”

“Sure,” Danny told her. “Take your time.” 

Danny looked at Donna fondly. Though he had known who Donna was during their White House days, they hadn’t really been social friends. The senior staff kept a tight circle, and reporters typically weren’t invited inside. But ever since she’d moved into CJ’s guest house, their close quarters over the last eighteen months had allowed them to get to really get to know each other. Danny had immediately adopted Donna as his surrogate little sister. He helped her with odd jobs, teased her, and most importantly vowed to protect her the best that he could. 

Donna grabbed her bag and slipped out the back door to the deck, making her way around the pool to CJ’s casita where she currently resided. Though she’d been busy with her job and her 18 credit hour course load, Donna only had one thing on her mind that day: Josh. 

He was the talk of the town, so to speak. The nation was abuzz with news about the newest tell all book claiming to have the power to take down the Chief of Staff and end the Democrats time in power in the next election. Donna neatly hung the suit she’d worn that day and pulled the middle drawer from her dresser, pulling on an oversized soft tshirt and her favorite pair of leggings. She pulled her hair into a ponytail using the mirror over her dresser, stealing a glance at the photo lovingly displayed on the top of the chest of drawers. There she stood with Senior Staff, crowded around a stack of paperwork and Chinese food cartons in the Roosevelt Room on a Sunday afternoon. CJ had one arm around a somewhat begrudging Toby. Sam was ducking into the frame next to Carol, and Donna sat in front of Josh, his arms wrapped around her and a wide smile on his face. 

It felt like it was taken a lifetime ago. 

She closed the doors to her bedroom and pad lightly across the pool deck, back to the main house. As she approached the steps leading into the living room, she paused for a moment outside. Sam’s voice permeated through the french doors. He was livid- just as Donna had warned. 

“It’s slander!” 

“Sam-” She could hear Danny try to interject, presumably to diffuse the situation.  
“I want to know who did this. And why they think they have the right. He’s doing his job and we all know he’s damn good at it. But that’s what he does. He holds a grudge. He’s a professional hostile witness. He’s not there to make friends, he’s there to push the President’s agenda!”

“We know,” CJ attempted to soothe. “And Sam, we don’t think it’s right either.”

“But what are we going to do about it?” Sam was still enraged.

“There’s really very little we can do,” CJ continued. “We don’t work in the White House anymore. We have to leave the heavy lifting up to them. And since there aren’t any advanced copies circulating, there is very little we can refute at this point. All we can do right now is let him know that we support him. And when the book is released, we can comment on his behalf.” 

Rarely was Sam this worked up, but when Donna had bumped into him at the coffee shop in the bottom floor of their office building that morning he was already fuming. 

“Have you talked to him?” CJ continued. 

“Josh?”

“Yes, Josh. I left him a message this morning just letting him know that if there was anything I could do I’d be glad to help out. And just to remind him that the door is always open, and that he can always call if he needs a friend.”

“Yeah.” Sam’s voice quieted a bit. “I did the same. I’ll assume we won’t hear back. Why would this be any different?” A puff of air escaped Sam’s lips. Josh was his best friend, and he hated that they’d become so distant with each other. 

“Well, at least we know he’ll get the messages. I’m sure he will be pleased to hear from you. That’s something,” Danny offered, a sad silence falling over them. 

Donna took that opportunity to rejoin the group. The hurt in her heart over Josh was never ending it seemed, but it had been particularly bad lately. She saw him spinning out of control, but she couldn’t reach him. 

“Dinner?” Danny suggested to the group as soon as he saw her. 

They all nodded their heads and grabbed a dish and their individual drinks before making their way to the dining room table. Taking their usual places and settling in, the stresses of the week all began to wash away. This was home now, and the weekly meals together were a high point for the four of them. 

“This all looks great, Ceej,” Sam supplied, taking a large helping of salad.

“It does,” Donna chimed in, placing her napkin on her lap. Once all of the plates were full she raised her glass, just as they did before every meal for the same toast they gave every week before their meal. “To Family,” Donna stated simply. 

“To family,” the others chimed in softly, clinking their glasses.

“Especially,” Sam added, “the ones that aren’t here tonight.”

“Hear, hear,” Danny nodded, raising his glass.

They missed everyone who made up their surrogate Bartlet Family, of course. Toby, the President and First Lady, Charlie, Margaret and obviously Leo. But that particular night, they felt Josh’s prolonged absence from their lives more than any other. 

“So, Donna,” Danny decided to change the subject. “What are you going to do with Sam’s money this week?”

Donna smiled slyly at Sam. Their standing Thursday night dinner at CJ’s house was always followed by a game of Liverpool Rummy. A game in which, week after week, Donna took Sam to the cleaners. 

“Well, I did see a cute pair of shoes in the window at Ruby’s Boutique this week.”

“I LOVE that place,” CJ chimed in. “Are you talking about the satin pair? With the subtle detail work?”

“Yes,” Donna nodded. “They’re gorgeous. But I have nowhere to wear them.”

CJ shrugged her shoulders with a conspiratory smirk. “May still be worth it. They’d go with everything. Besides… it’s Sam’s money.”

Sam just shook his head. It had become a running joke between the four of them. Typically, rather than cashing out whatever amount he owed her, Sam just bought Donna lunch instead. They had a standing lunch date as well- noon at the bistro on the first floor of the office building. 

Not long after she’d enrolled in UCLA and moved into the guest house at CJ’s insistence, Sam heard of an opening for a part time job two floors down from his firm. He’d helped the company’s owner with a few things when she’d first opened and felt comfortable passing along Donna’s qualifications on her behalf. Of course, Donna excelled in her position and now worked flexible hours around her class schedule. Sam’s standing lunch dates, always a welcome meal with a close friend, had proven to be more valuable to her than just a meal, though. With Sam’s presence in the building and their visible time together, he also acted as a deterrent from any unwanted offers for dates from the various men who had taken an interest in Donna. 

The night passed with ease as it always did among close friends. CJ yawned, settling into Danny’s arm and resting her head on her shoulder. 

Sam glanced at the clock, surprised to see how late it was and stretched in his chair. “I better head home,” he stated before glancing at Donna. “Tomorrow is your 8 am. You need to get some sleep, too.”

Donna nodded in confirmation and they all stood, placing their empty plates in the dishwasher and gathering up the decks of cards. CJ and Danny said their goodnights and Sam grabbed his keys, Donna following him to the door to lock up. 

“Coffee at 9:30,” Sam confirmed. 

Donna nodded her head. She made a habit of grabbing Sam his favorite drink on Fridays from a local coffee shop near campus and delivering it to his office before she started her shift at 10. He’d take a break from whatever he was working on and proofread her weekly paper upon her arrival. 

Sam hugged her goodbye and kissed her cheek, giving her an extra squeeze. “He’s going to be okay, Donna,” Sam assured her, and Donna knew exactly about whom he was speaking. “He’s going to get through this. He’s strong. And if there’s anything I can do to lessen the blow, I’ll do it. Don’t worry, alright?”

She silently nodded her head. “Thanks, Sam. You’re a good friend. To all of us.”


	2. One Way Mirror

Donna stepped off the elevator with two hot lattes in her hands and an oversized bag on her shoulder. 

“Good Morning, Cynthia,” she greeted Sam’s secretary. “I know I’m quite early, but is he free?” 

“Of course, Miss Moss. Go on in.” Cynthia gave Donna a nod of approval. 

“Knock, knock,” Donna peeked her head into Sam’s office to find him staring out the windows into the city. 

He turned around at her voice, plastering a quintessential Sam smile onto his face. “Good Morning. You’re here early,” he took his drink from her and closed the door to his office. Sam took a large sip making his way to the table in the far corner to join her. “Delicious. Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome. The professor cut class short so I thought I’d just head over. If you’re busy I can come back-”

“No,” Sam interjected. “Not at all. Actually,” he paused for a moment, taking another sip of his latte to buy some time.”This is really good. It's just what I needed this morning,” he gave her a genuine smile of appreciation, then stopped his stalling. “Donna, there’s something on my mind that I’d like to discuss with you.” 

“Oh?” Donna, who had been sorting through a folder in her bag to find the paper she wanted Sam to proof that morning, stilled her actions. 

“It’s just that- I feel like I could be doing more.”

“Oh? Oh.” This was about Josh. She’d barely slept herself over the last few nights, tossing and turning thinking about him. It broke her heart to know that he was under so much pressure and, to her knowledge, had very few people to depend on. 

Late one night she’d wondered if perhaps he’d turn to Amy again to blow off some steam, but that train of thought quickly made her nauseous, so she’d let go of it. She’d consoled herself with the knowledge that Josh and Sam still kept in touch occasionally. There was no ill will between either of them- they spoke as often as Josh’s schedule and erratic lines of thinking would allow. “Did he call you back?”

“No,” Sam admitted. “But I just can’t help but to think that if I were there maybe I could have helped to prevent some of this. Maybe I could have leveled him out a bit.”

“Sam, you really can’t blame yourself,” Donna told him. “You were honest with him when you turned down the DCoS job. That’s all anyone can ask of you. I know just how taxing it is to be in The White House for extended periods of time and nobody blames you for wanting to have a personal life.”

“Josh does,” Sam quickly retorted.

“Well, no one who has a personal life blames you. How about that?” Donna amended, perhaps a bit more curtly than she’d intended. 

Sam sighed. He’d frequently wondered how his life would be different if he’d accepted Josh’s job offer during transition. Truth be told, he’d missed politics, and he’d hated letting his best friend down. At that point he was recently engaged and he’d just been offered partner. But as Sam was figuring out, his heart was still in Washington- the same thing, he thought, could be said for the woman across the table from him, though the phrase took on a very different meaning for Donna. 

“Listen, Sam. You know he’s not mad at you. You're his best friend. He may have been disappointed at first but you made the decision that you had to. You’re the only one he communicates with on a regular basis- or at least the Josh Lyman version of a regular basis.”

“Yeah.” Sam wasn’t convinced, but he knew she’d understand more than anyone else. 

“Sam, mark my words. When the going truly gets tough, he will come to you.”

Sam lifted his gaze to meet Donna’s. “That’s only because he doesn’t know where you are.”

“I’m not hiding,” she stated clearly but in a tone that left no room for argument. “My number hasn’t changed. If he wanted to speak to me, all he’d have to do is pick up the phone. He’s the Chief of Staff of the United States. If he wanted to know where I was he’d figure it out.”

“Yeah,” Sam let it go. He knew better than to start down this path- with either of them. Donna had never truly told him the details of what happened when she’d left The White House, or what was said in her interview with Josh for a spot on the Santos Campaign before she’d ended up in LA. Sure, he had a pretty good idea of what happened, but Donna never gave him any details. And Sam hadn't pried. That was between Josh and Donna. 

But he knew his best friend, and right off the bat he could tell that something wasn’t sitting right. So after months of wondering and carefully avoiding the topic, Sam found himself face to face with Josh once again. And after he’d declined the DCoS job, he’d asked. He’d asked Josh why Donna wasn’t with him. Josh had swallowed hard and muttered a flimsy excuse about not being able to hire her, a painful look on his face. And that’s when Sam had first noticed that Josh was coming unglued. 

“If you ever want to talk about it, I’m always here,” Sam offered, pulling himself back to the present and offering a friendly ear to Donna. She had always remained tight lipped about anything having to do with Josh, but Sam didn’t want her to have to hold things inside. Their lives were different now. She could be honest with her friends about her feelings. Besides, when Sam’s fiance Claire had called off the wedding, Donna had listened to him and tried to help him work through it for weeks. 

“He told me he missed me,” Donna began as she stared at nothing, breaking her silence on the topic. “The last time I saw him, after the convention, he told me he missed me. And for a moment I actually believed him.”

Sam didn't want to take sides, nor was he particularly motivated to rush to Josh's defense on this topic, but something inside of him felt the need to remind Donna of what Sam hoped she truly knew in her heart. “Donna. He does miss you. He did that day and I'm sure that he does now.”

“Well then he should act like it,” Donna’s response was biting as she snapped back to reality. “When I came to him, after I thought I'd proven myself on the campaign trail, he just sat there and read back the remarks I’d made while I worked for the VP. He wouldn't even let me get through what I'd prepared to say to him before he shot me down. He had a folder, Sam. He had a folder of reasons why he wouldn't hire me at the ready. And he didn't even hesitate! I had nowhere to go. I had no one. And he slammed the door! Nothing, and no one, will ever be more important to Josh than politics.”

“That's not true and I think you know that.”

Donna immediately hung her head, shoulders slumping, and stared at the ground. She was silent for a moment before continuing in a meek voice. “It's just- as much as I wanted it to be, as much as I hoped it would be, it wasn't me. It never would be.”

“Donna-” Sam didn't know where to start. He vividly remembered speaking to Josh during the time Donna was in the hospital in Germany. He'd never heard such devastation in the other man's voice. Sam thought maybe they'd figure it out after that- but much to everyone's dismay they never did.

“Don’t,” she responded, pressing her eyes closed. “I can't, Sam. Not right now.” 

Sam dropped it, changing gears and quickly reading through Donna’s paper, finding only a few places to make suggestions in the four page document as he watched Donna out of the corner of his eye. She was lost in thought but he knew that there were some things that he couldn’t help her work through.

“This looks great, as it always does.” Sam made a minor notation in the margin of Donna’s paper before handing it back to her. “I need to read over a few things, but you can stay,” Sam offered, knowing her office didn’t open for another 45 minutes as he flipped on the TV and stood near his desk scanning a memo. 

They remained in comfortable silence as Donna watched a short human interest piece on beekeepers while waiting for the morning’s breaking news to return. She casually crossed the room to toss away her now empty coffee cup, briefly pausing to help herself to one of granola bars she knew to be stashed in Sam’s middle drawer.

Just like clockwork, the headline news returned at the top of the hour and Josh was once again the topic of conversation. The anchor kept a running commentary on Josh’s reputation and the upcoming book as the camera held the shot on Josh exiting his town car in front of the Capitol Building.

Donna watched, completely enthralled, as he strode across the courtyard and slipped his sunglasses on before rapidly ascending the steps while flanked by two agents, a determined scowl permanently plastered across his face. 

The way he commanded the full attention of those around him was apparent, even through the TV screen. She watched him walk with intent, still able to pinpoint every single mannerism with ease. He was angry, that she could clearly see, and someone was about to pay. 

She focused on him, studying the way that he moved, his kinetic energy. She watched for any more of his tells, but he was completely walled off, in full on political operative mode. Still, she locked her gaze on him until the Capitol police swung the doors open and he disappeared into the building. He was stressed, that much she could deduce, even more so than usual. And he was favoring his right side. She doubted he’d been taking good care of himself, and hoped he wasn’t in too much pain from the chronic stiffness resulting from the injuries he’d sustained in Rosslyn.

Donna let out a ragged breath. That was all she had of him now, and she clung to it. It was a little window into his life. She’d heard the rumours about him for the last two years- how he’d completely gone off the deep end. How his temper was more erratic than ever and that if you crossed him he’d make it his mission to destroy you. But in her heart she knew her Josh was still in there somewhere.

Sam softly sat his memo down and leaned back on on his desk, Donna following suit to sit next to him.

“I miss him, Sam,” she admitted out loud for the first time in at least a year. 

“I know you do,” Sam gave her shoulder a squeeze.

Donna sniffled once and quickly wiped away the tears pooling in her eyes. She wasn’t going to fall apart over him again. Not here, not now. 

“When you talk to him next,” she cleared her throat, “be sure to do the thing.”

Sam nodded his understanding to Donna’s request. It was a long unspoken agreement between the two that Sam would, to the best of his ability, gage Josh’s well being and, if need be, call Abbey Bartlet. Donna wouldn’t ask for details, she wouldn’t invade Josh’s privacy that way, or abuse his trust in Sam. She just wanted to make sure he was taken care of. 

And Sam, though well versed in the goings ons in Donna’s life, was never asked to divulge any information to Josh, other than an assurance that she was okay. 

He was grateful that neither of his friends ever put him in the middle of things, but saddened by the heartbreak they both quietly carried.


	3. A Lack of Color

He’d claimed yet another victory for the Santos administration. He’d met with the nay votes and by the time he’d left to return to the White House, all of the Senators in question had changed their stances on the foreign aid package that would be brought to the floor the following day. 

It wasn’t every day that Josh Lyman made house calls, in fact it was the first time in over a year that he’d set foot in the Capitol building. But his plan had worked flawlessly. He’d caught the Senators off guard and, though none of them were typically game to cross Josh on a normal day, they knew if he was standing in their offices he meant business. 

But rather than revel in his own glory as the old Josh would have, he pushed forward. He didn’t slow to take a celebratory lap, but rather he took focus on the obstacles he’d been met with. He’d picked up some interesting information while he was on The Hill that afternoon, one piece in particular. Yes, he’d seen it coming a mile away, but President Santos had given Amy the job of Legislative Affairs Director without consulting Josh. 

Though Josh and Amy had plenty of disagreements, the two could typically work together in a somewhat professional manner. But that had all changed for Josh. The unexpected opposition to the foreign aid bill, he’d come to realize, was caused not by a difference in viewpoints from the opposition party, but rather from a particular West Wing deputy who had decided to push her own agenda rather than the President’s. Josh’s anger with Amy, which had been simmering slowly over the last 18 months, had come to a rolling boil over that particular maneuver.

Exiting his town car as it pulled into the North Portico, Josh stormed through the corridors towards his office, staffers ducking out of his way as the masses divided to leave room for Josh to pass. He didn’t stop to speak with anyone, he didn’t nod hello, he didn’t smile.

“Get me the whip’s office on the phone and set up a briefing for me with Nancy McNally on the latest intelligence out of Kazakhstan. I want a copy of the briefing memo on pollution in the Everglades and get Lou in my office NOW.” He didn’t even pause or glance over as he bellowed, storming into his office and grabbing a file. He waited a few beats and when he didn’t hear a response he opened his mouth to shout for his assistant… what was his name again?

“Sir?” Ronna peeked into his office. 

Josh grumbled at the sight of her. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Ronna- on the contrary, actually. He thought she seemed like a nice woman, and he was pleased with the job that she was doing as the President’s secretary. She’d quickly learned to run the Oval with precision, yet maintained a certain, likeable quality. Still, he wouldn’t exactly categorize her as a friend. 

“Ronna.” Josh nodded his head in acknowledgement. He knew what, specifically, her presence meant. If Ronna Beckman was in the Chief of Staff’s outer office, it always meant the same thing- Josh’s assistant had quit. “How many times have I told you that you don’t have to call me Sir? Josh is fine.”

“Sure, Mr. Lyman.”

“The guy is gone?” Josh dug through a stack of unorganized papers on his desk. 

“Yes, Mr. Lyman. I’ll have HR send someone else up here in the morning.” She’d given up on trying to figure out what had gone wrong between Josh and his revolving door of assistants, opting instead to just see that the position was filled. “In the meantime, I’ll get to work on that list.”

“How late is he in the Oval,” Josh asked. It was safe to say that the Santos White House ran very differently from the Bartlet White House. Santos was in the residence by 6pm every night, barring a national emergency. He prioritized dinners with his family and spending time with his wife and children, making a work life balance a possibility for his employees, too. Not that Josh Lyman had noticed.

Ronna glanced at the clock. “About another hour, Sir.”

“I need a few minutes before he leaves.”

“Yes, Sir,” Ronna jot that down on her notepad. “Lou and Bram are here to see you now.”

Josh stood as the two exhausted communications employees entered the Chief of Staff’s office. They both knew exactly why they were there. 

“Listen, Josh,” Lou began, “we’re working on it. We don’t have any information. They’re keeping it a closely guarded secret.”

“Last time I checked you’re the WHITE HOUSE Communications Department. And unless you want me to DO THIS MYSELF in a way that I’m fairly sure you’re not going to want to address in your next briefing, I’d have a copy of the damn book ON MY DESK BY TOMORROW!” He slammed his hand down on the desk for emphasis, the true venom in his voice snapping everyone within earshot to complete attention. The constant coverage was beginning to get under his skin, and though Josh would never admit it, he was fearful of what Hellhound would contain. He hadn’t slept in several nights and his stress level was even higher than usual. He, for all of his hubris, was a private person and wished for his personal life to stay out of the news.

“Josh-” Lou began to protest.

“NO! I’m done with the list of excuses! Do your job or I’ll find someone who can. I’m sick of this dominating the news cycle. Get the focus back on the President.” His words left no room for misinterpretation, and everyone in the room knew that he wasn’t bluffing. 

As if it wasn’t bad enough that he had to listen to the endless news cycle obsess about a book written about that no one had even read yet, let alone labeled as reliable, but he had to do so when the President should have been dominating the news with his latest round of education reform proposals.

“That’ll be all,” he barked, all but pushing them out of the room as he pulled on his suit jacket and headed for the door that connected to The Oval.

“Mr. President? I’m sorry to interrupt,” Josh eyed Peter Santos sitting on the couch doing some homework.

“Josh! Come in!” Matt Santos stood to greet his Chief of Staff with a smile. Though Josh Lyman spent the bulk of his days brooding, President Santos was his usual chipper self, trying to convince his Chief of Staff to relax a little bit. Even though they’d been working in extremely close quarters for over two years, the two hadn’t formed much of a friendship. Josh remained a closed book. “Peter,” President Santos continued, “why don’t you head upstairs and set the table for your mother, okay Buddy? I’ll be there in a few minutes”

Peter did as he was told and President Santos poured them a drink, handing Josh a glass as well. “So, I hear you’re in need of another new assistant,” the President chuckled.

“Yeah. That guy was incompetent anyway,” Josh muttered. “If you don’t have the desire to work hard and stick to something, a job at The White House isn’t for you.”

President Santos let out a small laugh, somewhat amused by his Chief of Staff, even if he did act like a curmudgeon from time to time. “And tell me, Josh. Have you ever had an assistant who lived up to your expectations?”

Josh swallowed, staring at a point on the floor several feet in front of him. He certainly had. She’d exceeded every expectation and every possible notion he’d ever had about her. She’d amazed him every day. She’d made him infinitely better at his job, and in his opinion, a better man. But he couldn’t allow himself the luxury of going down that road at the current moment. He wouldn’t let his mind wander that way while he stood in The Oval. He had compartmentalized his life very well, and this was why. He cleared his throat and placed himself back into political operative mode and began to debrief the President. 

The two men touched on a number of subjects as they wrapped up the day’s events. 

“There is one more thing, Sir,” Josh continued as he closed the folder he’d been holding. “It’s about Amy Gardner.”

“Josh,” Santos grinned. “I’ve heard things. Are they true?”

“Sir?”

“About you and Amy,” President Santos smirked. It had been nearly impossible to avoid the rumored history of Josh and Amy, and he’d been trying desperately to coax Josh into getting a life since they’d taken office. He appreciated greatly the hard work and sacrifices that Josh had poured into the job, but he was also fairly sure that if Josh Lyman didn’t find a way to relax, he was going to blow a gasket. 

“No,” Josh cut him off, scrubbing his face. “Sir, I- No. Absolutely not.” Josh reiterated that he and Amy were not even a viable option, wanting to make that point crystal clear as he shook off the implication that the President was making. He was long past that, and for the life of him he couldn’t figure out why he thought it was a good idea in the first place. 

Once he regained his focus, Josh recounted to the President what he’d unearthed on The Hill that afternoon, detailing Amy’s attempts to push her own agenda in lieu of the White House’s. It was, as both men knew, the tip of the iceberg with her. 

“She’s made a few deals that we won’t want her to honor. Agreements for increased funding for backdoor deals in the Senator’s home states in exchange for votes against any legislation that contains a global gag rule. And, Sir, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for removing the gag rule from the language, but sometimes you have to take a win where you can get one- and we need to pass the foreign aid bill and then a budget. We can’t have her working against the rest of us on this, and I’ll tell you from experience, if you think this is outlandish, wait until we have to recertify welfare. It’s not that I disagree with her, Mr. President, it’s that there is someone working in the West Wing that we can’t fully trust. Right now it’s the global gag rule, and next week it could be a minor line in the education bill, but when the going really gets tough around here, and at some point it will, YOU need to know that you have a staff you can trust.”

President Santos raised his hand casually, stopping Josh’s speech. “You know, Josh, when I hired her I found your objections to giving her the Director of Legislative Affairs position unreasonable. I thought you were blowing things out of proportion. But, you and I also came to an agreement on the same night. An agreement that anyone who wasn’t getting the job done had to go.”

“Yes, Sir.” 

The men sat in silence for a moment. Though Josh still wasn’t completely comfortable around Matt Santos, and could hardly say that the two were friends, he’d learned the President’s tells and he knew when to remain quiet and let the President mull over new information. 

They’d had more than their fair share of issues along these lines with Amy, but Josh wasn’t an easy man to work for and Matt Santos tended to be quite forgiving in situations such as this. That, and, it didn’t hurt to have the support of the women’s movement.

“Well, Josh,” President Santos finished his drink, “I think we’re in agreement on what needs to be done.”

“Sir?”

“This is her third strike, Josh. If you think she’s out, I support that decision. But I’m ultimately leaving it in your hands. You run that part of the show, and I’ve yet to be disappointed by your ability to handle West Wing operations. Just do me a favor- Make sure someone from HR is there.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Have a good night,” he added, grabbing his briefcase. “And try to get out of here at a decent time.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Josh added, both men knowing that, just like every other night, Josh Lyman would work until the early hours of the morning only to return to his office after a handful of hours of sleep- if he left at all.


	4. Talk of the Town

"Donna?" CJ knocked on the glass door to the pool house. "Let's go. I want to get there early. My avocados were bruised last weekend."

Donna swung the door open and rolled her eyes at CJ. "You and your bruised avocados."

"Well, when we get there at 10:30 all the good ones are gone. It's either bruised or under ripened."

"You lead a life full of challenges, Ceej," Donna poked at her.

"Hey," CJ shook her finger playfully at Donna as they walked towards the driveway. "You can heckle me all you want, but when it's time for me to share my world famous guacamole, I'll remember you said this."

Donna stuck her lip out in a pout.

"Yeah, that's what I thought, Miss Pouty. Don't try that move on me, it doesn't work."

"Well you didn't hate it last week when it convinced the cable guy to kill that snake on the back deck for us before he left."

"You're a wise and powerful woman, Donna Moss," CJ volleyed to her friend with an all knowing smirk on her face as she opened the door to her vintage Mustang. "And I'd like to think you learned it from me."

Donna grinned back as she climbed inside. Saturday mornings tended to be one of Danny's busiest times so she had a standing date with CJ for a trip to the Farmer's Market and lunch. One of the standing agreements between CJ, Danny and Donna regarded their meal schedule. They each prepared one dinner per week and on Thursdays Sam joined the rotation. The other nights they all tended to do their own thing.

"What are you making this week," CJ asked, idling along in some Saturday traffic.

"I'll check out the vegetable selection when we get there. But I think I'll go with grilled chicken salads for Wednesday. It sounds nice and light."

"Sam's in charge of family dinner this week?"

"Yeah," Donna nodded.

"Ugh," CJ groaned. "I just hope he doesn't try to bring that-"

"He is," Donna answered before she could even finish the sentence.

"Nooo," CJ whined, slumping her shoulders. "With the kale and the lentils and the quinoa?"

"Yup."

"Why can't we have a guy friend who just brings beer and wings?"

Donna snickered a bit at the thought of Sam's dish and his new found hobby of healthy cooking.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Cause I don't have to eat it," Donna chuckled, making CJ laugh too.

"Oh, That's right. Look at you, Spring Breaker."

"Yeah, something like that." Donna made a face.

"What?"

"I don't know, CJ. Why did I agree to this trip? I mean, I know it's spring break but still. It's not like I'm some 19 year old co-ed."

"Ancient," CJ deadpanned. "Ancient, I tell you. You're practically an antique."

"You know what I mean," Donna continued. "It was so nice of them to invite me but they don't really want me tagging along."

"And why not? They invited you! You've never been on spring break and this is your last opportunity before graduation. Plus, you're just going to Cabo. If you hate it, just lay on the beach and read or hop an early flight home and I'll get you from the airport." CJ was trying her best to encourage Donna. They'd become even closer than they ever had been over the past two years, and CJ wanted Donna to have every opportunity and to enjoy life to the fullest.

"Thanks, Mom," Donna teased. "You'll come and pick me up from the party if I don't make any friends?"

"Oh, Shut up," CJ smacked her arm, pulling into a parking spot. "Go and have fun. Lay on the beach, drink something with a little umbrella in it and relax. Come on, we'll find you a new bikini at that little boutique across the street from the market."

The two strolled down the sidewalk towards a few of their favorite shops, glancing in the windows as they walked by. Making their way to the swimsuit rack they both flipped through the options, CJ pulling out a small, ice blue bikini.

"How about this one?" She held it up to Donna.

Donna raised her eyebrows at CJ's suggestion. "It's kind of… small."

"It'll look great on you."

"I dont know…"

"You're getting it."

"Fine," Donna sighed. She knew it would be easier just to relent than fight CJ about it and end up losing the argument anyway.

She paid for the garment and they turned to loop the block, back towards the farmer's market. They began to chat about a variety of issues, Donna's voice faltering as she came to a sudden stop. She stared at the window of the local bookstore, a window size poster displayed for the upcoming release of Hellhound.

CJ placed her arm around Donna and moved her down the street, away from the window. "Come on," she told her. "Maybe we should just get home."

"No," Donna shook her head. "I'm fine." She wiped an eye and readjusted her sunglasses, squaring her shoulders with determination. They took a few more steps before Donna continued. "It's just- I don't understand why someone would do that to him. What are they getting out of it? Well, besides the most focused enemy they could even imagine. They're making it personal. I can only imagine what's in there, CJ. There were some damaging rumors floating around the beltway about him and oh, God, if you combine that with-"

"Donna." CJ gave her a warning tone. "We're in public. Not here. I know you're upset and believe me I've thought about all of those things too, but someone over hearing us all worked up over this isn't going to do him any favors either, okay?"

"You're right," she cleared his throat, pushing her sunglasses back up her nose a bit. "I don't know what I was thinking, CJ. I'm sorry."

They walked a few more steps. "He's going to be fine, you know," CJ offered. "He's strong. This is nothing that hasn't said about him before. I mean, it's all feeding right into the image that most of DC has of him. It's playing into his hands. He probably loves it." CJ tried to get Donna to smile. "Besides, I'm sure the communications department is all over it. They'll take care of it."

Donna nodded solemnly but said nothing. Though CJ was probably right, Donna knew that this would have to be eating him up inside. Josh hated it when the spotlight was off of the President and on him. And if the only thing that came out of all of this was that Josh Lyman could hold a grudge with the best of them, well, that's not so bad. But, fact or slander, there was no telling what the pages of the book would contain. And that's what scared Donna the most.

Neither CJ or Donna's moods were able to fully recover after they began to think about Josh. He was an important man to both of them, although in considerably different ways. They both gathered their groceries and made their way back to the car, riding mostly in silence and returning home considerably earlier than expected.

Donna made her way to the fridge with her shopping bag, placing her vegetables into the fridge as CJ tossed her keys onto the counter and pressed the play button on her machine, allowing the messages to play as she too began to put her purchases away and tidy up the kitchen.

After a call confirming a Tuesday haircut and a few minutes of hello's from Donna's eccentric Aunt Paula, the machine beeped once more, and the third message began.

"CJ!" The casual voice wasted no time. "Doug Poulsen, Miami Herald. It's been a while. Hey- I wanted to see if you'd be interested in an on the record comment about Josh Lyman and the new book. Get back to me."

Donna swallowed, but continued on with her task, pretending not to be bothered by the message, knowing CJ was watching her closely from the corner of her eye..

The machine beeped again.

"CJ- It's Wyatt Lewis." Both Donna and CJ slowly turned to look at each other. There was no mistaking the importance of the message when the executive producer of the biggest news talk show was leaving a message on your home phone. "I'm calling to see if we can get you on the show tomorrow night. We all know there's no bigger story than Hellhound right now and if anyone is qualified to talk about Josh Lyman on my show it's you… or Donna Moss, I suppose," he added with a chuckle. "I don't suppose you know how to get ahold of her, do you? Anyway, call us back, we'd love to get something set up."

The machine clicked off, leaving the kitchen cloaked in silence.

"Are you going to do it?" Donna asked, trying to sound stronger than she felt.

"No." CJ left no room for debate. "If he needs me, Donna, you know I'll be there for him. You know I'll defend him with everything I have… But at this point my presence in any kind of media doesn't do anything but give credence to this nonsense. Until I see a copy of the book, and until I talk to Josh, and for that matter get his blessing to discuss this with the world, I will do nothing. It's not going to be easy for any of us to sit idly by while this pans out, but it's what Josh would want. And I think we all agree that it's more important in this situation that we stand by him."

"Yeah." A sad smile creeped up on one side of her mouth. She, perhaps more than anyone, knew the kind of personal hell this must be for Josh, and Donna was willing to stop at nothing to defend him. But she'd agreed with CJ's assessment. "Whatever he needs. I'll do whatever is best for Josh."

CJ nodded solemnly at her friend's vow, thinking to herself that little had changed over the years. If Josh needed her, or rather when Josh needed her, somehow, some way, Donna would be there for him.


	5. Civis Romanus

“That’s all,” Josh snapped his folder closed, signaling the end of Senior Staff. As his deputies filed out, Cliff Calley hung back. 

“Something else?” Josh asked, rounding his desk. Cliff was another Santos appointee that Josh has been concerned about, but he had to admit everything was running fairly smoothly in operations under Cliff’s direction. 

“As a matter of fact, there is,” Cliff stated, shutting the door to the outer office.

Josh glanced up, raising his eyebrows, unsure of what was about to happen. 

“Look, I know there’s a lot of speculation about the contents of this book. But I just wanted to say, I’ve never told a soul.”

“Excuse me?”

“About any of it,” Cliff continued. He knew as well as Josh did that they were both following what he was implying. He didn’t need to come right out and say it. They’d never spoken of the night with Donna and the diary after they’d left the park, but Cliff wanted to make it crystal clear that he’d never leaked a word of their agreement. “It’s not in there, Josh. I just wanted to let you know, I suppose. I know you I haven’t exactly become the closest of friends, but I wouldn’t do that to you, Josh. And I wouldn’t do it to her either. Anyway. One less thing to wonder.”

Josh nodded his head curtly, thanking Cliff in his own Joshlike way. 

“And I’ll keep my ear to the ground. If I hear who’s behind this, you’ll be the first one to know,” he added, slipping out of the Chief of Staff’s office before Josh had a chance to respond.

Rather than comforting him, however, Cliff’s reassurances about Donna only brought to the forefront Josh’s greatest fears. He’d been trying his hardest not to think about this implications this book may have held for her over the last few days, but now it was unavoidable. He’d made his peace that Hellhound could contain any number of lies or truths about him, but that’s not what kept Josh up at night. His greatest fear about the publication of this gossip rag of a book was that it would contain anything that would hurt Donna. 

He tossed back his third handful of antacids that morning and attempted to push his worries from his mind. He had to get on with his day. He had a stalled bill in the House, a position to fill in Legislative Affairs, and a press corps living under the impression that it had been Amy Gardner’s idea that she resign her post.

He grabbed his suit jacket and briefcase. “Have my car waiting,” he barked in the general direction of the doorway, not having bothered to learn the name of the newest temp sent up from HR.

He made efficient work of his scheduled meeting with Vice President Baker, running through the list of items the Vice President would work with the White House on for the next few weeks. The monthly meetings seemed to work well for the Vice President, and even though Josh found them to be an inconvenience, he had to admit that Baker was working out nicely. He threw his full support behind all of the Santos initiatives and made use of his authority, actively involving himself in anything the White House suggested. He was, Josh thought, a far cry from both Hoynes and Russell. 

Still, Josh felt a pang in his heart every time he visited Number One Observatory Circle. Baker certainly wasn’t Josh’s first choice for the office, and he missed Leo dearly. Josh swallowed hard at the thought. Another devastating loss in a long list of the people he loved most dearly. With the exception of his mother, Josh Lyman was alone in this world.

Josh exited his vehicle, walking past the press pool that was gathered outside. The reporters, some faces familiar from previous administrations, some new to the job, shouted their questions to Josh as though he was a celebrity. They were looking for comments on a variety of topics- everything from troop movement to tax reform to Hellhound. And the newest flavor of the week, from what it sounded like, was Amy Gardner.

“Mr. Lyman, what drove Amy Gardner to resign from her position?”

“Josh- Josh- Do you have a comment on the rumoured toxic environment inside the West Wing that drove Amy Gardner to leave her job?”

“Are you worried that Amy’s departure is a signal that the reports circulating in Hellhound are true? Is she merely the first of your senior advisors to jump from the sinking ship?”

Josh normally ignored them but he was in one of his moods that day, irritated by weeks of inaccurate reporting of unfounded rumours, compiled with years of Amy’s shameless self promotion of her own career over the greater good. 

He stopped and removed his sunglasses with fervor, growling at the reporter. "Get one thing straight. I fired her ass!"

And with that he stormed back towards his office, leaving the gaggle somewhat stunned. He didn’t even glance towards the man sitting at the outer desk, instead opting to throw his backpack into the corner and began to weed through the envelopes placed on his desk. He came to a particularly thick envelope, his name handwritten in indistinct lettering. “Josh Lyman- White House COS” was scrawled in black marker, with a large red PERSONAL & CONFIDENTIAL stamped under it. With no mail markings, it had clearly been couriered over. 

Josh opened the envelope and froze immediately when he pulled out a pre-release edition of Hellhound. His heart was pounding in his chest. As soon as he regained his bearings he grabbed the envelope and stood in the doorway to his office, practically shouting at the temp. 

“When did this get here,” he held the empty envelope up. “Who brought it?”

“I- uh,” the man was clearly nervous. “The mail room brought it. About 45 minutes ago.”

“Call down there. Find out where it came from. Hold all of my calls and visitors. Cancel my meetings for the rest of the afternoon.”

“Sir?” The temp wasn’t sure where to begin with Josh’s demands. It was his first day, after all. 

“Just do it!” Josh barked. He slammed the the door to his office and collapsed into his chair, anxiously leaning forward and opening the book, his finger scanning the index for one name and one name only. Though subconsciously, he held his breath, praying that somehow, against all odds, it wouldn't be there. 

His finger stopped, however, when 'Moss, Donnatella,' practically came to life on the page, jumping out at him with the haphazardly drawn red underline. 

Josh went immediately into frenzy to find the referenced pages, reading in a mumbled whisper as he scanned for what he prayed the book wouldn't contain. But there it was, in black and white, circled in red marker so he’d be sure not to miss it.

"Fuck," he practically screamed, slamming the book and standing up to pace. 

It was official, he thought. Any chance he'd probably never had to begin with had all gone to hell. He’d lived his life for the 10 years knowing that if nothing else, he could protect her. He’d lay down his career, and hell, his life, if that meant she was safe and happy. He’d always prided himself on that ability.

Two thousand years ago a Roman citizen could walk across the face of the known world free of the fear of molestation. He could walk across the city unharmed, cloaked only in the words 'Civis Romanus,' I am a Roman citizen. He’d made sure that the same principles applied to her. So great was the retribution of Josh Lyman, universally understood as certain, should any harm befall Donnatella Moss. 

But not anymore. She remained the only thing he’d held dear, and he’d broken the solemn vow he’d made to himself to keep her safe. To keep her out of this. Nothing pained in more than knowing he could no longer protect her. Not that she’d even want him to...

Josh scrubbed his hands over his face, trying not to internally crumble into a million pieces. After backing up against a wall and coaxing himself to take deep breaths for a few minutes, he finally found his way back to his office chair. There was no point in delaying the inevitable, he supposed. He’d have to read it.

He picked the book up from where it had landed earlier, noticing for the first time that the majority of the contents were missing. In his earlier rage he hadn’t been as observant as he would have liked, and upon closer examination Josh realized that he’d been provided with only a few dozen pages, most of which contained excerpts that had already been released, and a full index of what would be published. The only truly new information that the book contained was the partial passage about Donna, circled in red marker. 

Someone was playing with his head. 

Josh spent the majority of the afternoon locked away in his office brooding. He’d read everyone on the communications staff the riot act and practically torn the heads off of everyone else he’d encountered. The day wore on but Josh couldn’t focus on anything but Hellhound. Even tucked away in the top drawer of his filing cabinet, it still seemed to mock him.

He began to pace, eventually picking up a briefing memo, willing to read anything to get his mind off of the book. As much as he hated to admit it, if someone was trying to throw him off of his game, it was working. If someone was trying to agitate him into making a scene, they were closer to succeeding than he was comfortable with. But he vowed not to comment on the publication. Not to let them win. And if that meant he had to lock himself into his office until he calmed down, then by God that’s what he’d do.

The hours ticked by, and Josh read over the same memo at least a dozen times. He’d rescheduled his meetings, even waiving off Senior Staff and outright cancelling a cardiologist appointment that he’d been postponing for a year. He’d found himself relieved that the bulk of the White House staff had head home for the evening, leaving him to his thoughts. 

Josh knew he needed a strategy, and he needed one soon. He’d prided himself on his ability to navigate situations such as these with precision. He’d wall himself off to the world if need be, but he’d come up with a plan. He’d power through it, showing no sign of weakness. He’d act like he wasn’t even phased in the slightest by this cheap publicity stunt. 

And he’d prove it to himself, too, he thought, loosening his tie and deciding on the spot that he’d spend another night on the couch in his office. He’d show everyone he wasn’t phased. He wasn’t shaken. He’d power through this and come out stronger on the other side after it was done, he told himself as he kicked his shoes off and lay down without a blanket, immediately feeling the all too familiar pain shoot through is right side.

Besides, there was nothing waiting for him at home


	6. Cognitive Bias

Chapter 6: Cognitive Bias

Donna shoved her small bag from the newsstand into her purse and pulled it unnaturally close as she scanned the parking lot. Picking up her pace to a brisk walk, she bee lined to her car and hurriedly clicked her key fob to unlock the door, fumbling a bit with the handle before sliding into the driver's seat and slamming the door behind her.

She’d gone back and forth for the last week, trying to decide if she would read the book upon its release in ten days. Trying to decide what knowledge she could possibly gain from a book, written by a nameless stranger, about the person she, at one time, had known better than anyone else in the world. None, she’d decided earlier that day. There was no benefit, she’d concluded.

But on the drive home from a job interview for a career path she wasn’t particularly interested in, she’d found herself turning off the freeway and wandering into a bookstore, where she grabbed a copy of the paper that contained the first review of Hellhound. She couldn’t deny that there was part of her that wondered just what lie between the covers of of the book itself. Was there something she’d missed about him? Something she could refute? Was any of it true?

As her car inched along in traffic, she became increasingly upset by the radio commentators nonstop opinions on the book’s relevance. It was an invasion of his privacy, she told the empty car. And she knew just how private Josh preferred to keep his life.

She didn’t know why she was even allowing the radio program to continue playing in her car. She knew everything she needed to know. She wouldn’t stoop to this level. It didn’t matter that they’d fallen out of touch. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t hired her for the Santos campaign. It didn’t matter that their friendship was in ruins. Deep down, she reminded herself, he had a heart of gold. And nothing written in a flashy book would change her opinion on that.

Finally, she clicked the radio off and drove out the rest of the way home in silence.

 

Pulling into a parking spot on the street in front of CJ’s, she sighed heavily and grabbed the paper containing the preliminary review of Hellhound and tossed it directly into the trash.

Josh Lyman, for all of his flaws, was a good man. He didn’t deserve any of this. 

“How’d it go,” CJ yelled out as soon as she heard the door open, quickling selecting the ‘delete recording’ option on the DVR. She’d had to make a split second decision, and though she felt a little guilty, she was doing it to spare her friends any further anguish.

Donna made her way into the living room, placing her bag on the hall table. “It went fairly well,” she told CJ, crossing her arms and leaning against the archway into the dining room. “They seemed interested.”

“Why do I sense there’s a but coming,” CJ stood from where she as seated on the couch, making he way towards the kitchen and the take out that Donna had grabbed on her way home.

“I don’t know,” Donna stalled. “It’s just- I don’t think it’s what I want to do. It seems so inconsequential.” 

CJ shrugged her shoulders. “Most things do, after that many years of working in the White House.”

“But,” Donna sighed, taking off her heels. “A job is a job. And it was good to get my feet wet and start interviewing again.”

CJ nodded her head. “Well, congratulations either way.”

“Thanks, Ceej,” Donna accepted a glass of wine and claimed her usual spot in the oversized chair in the corner. “Did you record it?”

“I, uh,” CJ hated to lie to Donna. “No. Something went wrong. I’m sorry.”

“Oh,” Donna’s face immediately fell. “Well, did you at least see it?”

“Yeah.” CJ became abnormally quiet. 

“And? How was he?” Donna was staring at her friend with wide eyed curiosity, but CJ could see the concern that always rode just under the surface beginning to crop up.

“He was… good. On his game. You know Josh,” she tried to laugh, “he isn’t going to let them off that easy.”

“Good,” Donna tried to sound positive, as though that was the extent of her interest and she accepted the answer at face value, but her voice betrayed her. 

“Yeah,” CJ nodded. She could try to reassure Donna all she wanted, but she knew the younger woman could see right through her. She had watched Josh on CNN, that much was true. But she hadn’t encountered any type of error with the DVR. After 15 minutes of watching Josh go off the rails at a Republican commentator, looking like he was about one crisis away from collapsing, CJ had deleted the recording. She couldn’t let Donna see him like that. It would tear her to pieces. And, she told herself, Josh wouldn’t want that either. 

“Did you make a decision?” CJ tread carefully. She knew that deciding whether or not to read the book had been weighing heavily on Donna.

“I’m not,” Donna simply stated. 

CJ nodded her understanding. “And if you’re asked...”

“I won’t be,” Donna stared out the french doors in front of her.

“But if you are,” CJ slipped seamlessly back into press secretary mode. There wasn’t much she could do for her friends in this situation, but if she knew Donna would be ready for whatever was thrown at her, she’d make sure she’d used her experience to lessen the blow as much as possible. “What will you say?”

“I’ll say he’s a good man,” Donna’s eyes darted back over to CJ, a fire beginning to blaze inside of them. “I’ll say that he doesn’t deserve this kind of unfounded ridicule from a nameless source. That he’s smart and hard working and genuine. That he cares about people and he’s just doing whatever he can to make this world a better place and that maybe everyone should just BACK OFF and LET HIM DO HIS JOB IN PEACE.” 

CJ studied Donna, her chest heaving and face flushed as she finally let her emotions break through. She’d been walling herself off for the last couple of days. Maybe this would be good- she could let it all out. 

“Ok,” CJ began, not wanting to sound condescending. “I’m not sure that yelling at the press will achieve the results you want. And I know that you’re well aware of that.”

Donna pinched the bridge of her nose. “Yeah.”

“I’ve read a few excerpts of the book. Danny was able to get a few bits and pieces from a colleague. I can prep you for the press if you want me to.” CJ offered a little carefully. Personally she thought that it would be better if Donna were prepared and the way she’d just reacted reaffirmed CJ’s opinion.

“Okay, I guess, if you think it’s a good idea.” Donna answered weakly.

“Do you want to do this?” CJ was only going to press the issue with Donna with her consent.

“Yeah. Let’s get it over with,” Donna said, taking a large drink of her glass of malbec. 

CJ hesitated for only a moment before she reached into her bag, pulling out a binder and slipping on her glasses on. Donna saw yellow sticky notes marking several pages. CJ cleared her throat and gave Donna a kind look before flipping to the page she’d marked earlier and beginning to read.

"There are tales of politicians who had been bold enough to venture across that line into dangerous territory, and, unbeknownst to even most insiders, their careers were immediately decimated. 

Though most chalk these stories up to be nothing more than hyperbole, sources close to the Bartlet White House speak nervously of an up and coming Naval commander who dared to date Lyman's assistant and promptly found himself stationed overseas with a demotion in rank-“

“What does that have to do with Josh? He had nothing to do with Jack’s transfer,” she interrupted, immediately defensive and becoming a bit pink in the face. 

CJ glanced up, but continued to read. 

“Though it's widely understood that Lyman wasn't sleeping with Moss, it was also an accepted fact that he was in love with her. It should have been no surprise that those feelings were unrequited on Moss' behalf, and may account for her otherwise unexplained defection from Lyman's team.”

“THAT’S NOT TRUE!” Donna found herself lashing out at the words. She felt the flush crawl across her face, trying to slow her heartbeat and stop her quivering chin. 

“That he loved you or that you didn’t love him back,” CJ challenged.

Donna took a breath and leaned against couch, her eyes falling to a spot on the floor. 

"Donna…” CJ’s tone had softened. She was watching her friend closely, worried about where this may lead. 

"I loved him,” she admitted in a soft voice. It wasn’t the first time she’d alluded to it with CJ, but it was the first time she’d ever said it out loud.

"You still do." CJ’s eyes were kind, her voice gentle.

"He didn't love me." Donna stated in a hollow, far away voice.

"I think you're wrong." CJ tried to catch Donna’s eye. She wanted her to know she meant it. As far as prepping for the press, this wasn’t a very successful conversation. But CJ hoped that they were making progress as far as addressing the proverbial elephant in the room when it came to Josh.

Donna squeezed her eyes shut and tried to reign in her emotions. She’d scrutinized her years with Josh on many occasions, but she didn’t want to dig back into them right then.

"This is prep, Donna. You know as well as I do, if you’re going to say anything other than “no comment’ you’d better be ready for some pushback from the press.” CJ tried to remain a calming presence for Donna. She hated to have to do this to her friend. “You ready to keep going?”

Donna gave a small nod. She just wanted to get this over with.

“But Moss wasn't immune from the backlash of Bartlet’s Bulldog. She remains the only senior member of Vice President Russell's campaign that wasn't offered a place on the Santos team after the convention.”

Donna remained quiet for a few minutes and CJ wondered again what exactly happened at that meeting long ago. It had always been a sticking point for Donna. 

Donna finally spoke in a voice so quiet that CJ could barely hear her. “This isn’t fair. He shouldn’t have to endure this.”

"I know.” CJ let that resonate. Josh was her friend too, and though she wasn’t taking this as hard as Donna was, it hurt her to watch Josh be torn apart as well. “What about that last part, Donna? The book says you’re the only one on the Russell Campaign that wasn’t offered a spot on the campaign.”

"That's not true either,” Donna gently wiped her pooling tears. “I mean, Iwasn’t offered a spot, far from it, but there were lots of us. I was- It was a long shot. I knew that going in. I didn’t have a degree and he saw me as someone to make copies and answer the phone. I was just another unqualified girl in a long line of applications. He’s a smart man, CJ. And he made the decision he needed to.”

CJ was flabbergasted. “Donna, that’s-“

“It’s fine, CJ,” Donna cut her off. She didn’t want to be coddled at this particular moment. “What else?”

CJ turned her attention back to the book, reading the last few lines of the passage that pertained to Donna. That’s pretty much it, CJ hedged, glancing at Donna again over the rim of her glasses. It just goes on to close with, “No matter his rumored feelings for Moss, she would have always been his mistress. Politicking is Lyman's only true love.”

Donna raised his her head and stared out the French doors. “His mistress,” she repeated with a mix of hurt and dismay in her voice. 

CJ glanced down, making sure she’d read that right.

Donna’s face was sorrowed as she stared into the nothingness of the dark night. “Maybe that would have been enough.”


	7. Stopgap

“Is he in?” Charlie poked his head into the outer office, still halfway expecting to see Margaret fluttering about, nagging Leo. 

The question was more of a greeting than an inquiry, though. Of course Josh was in. Josh was always in these days. Charlie wondered how often the Chief of Staff actually made it home.

“Hey, Man,” Charlie stood in the doorway. “Wanna grab a bite and catch the baseball game?”

“No time,” Josh moved a stack of folders, not even looking up from his desk. 

"You can't honestly tell me that you don't have time for dinner. I've worked in this building almost as long as you have, and I know you're busy, but you have to eat."

"I'm fine, Charlie." 

"Yeah, you keep saying that, but I don't think you are fine. You gotta slow down, man. Look, I've got a six pack and a pizza from Gianni's. It's half supreme and half cheese because even though you may be one do the most powerful people in Washington, you still eat like a stubborn 6 year old."

Josh’s eyebrows shot up as he glanced over to Charlie, who was standing his ground in the doorway with the pizza box and Sam Adams. 

“Alright, come in,” Josh grumbled, still digging around on his desk. 

Charlie strode into the room and sat the pizza down on Josh’s table, grabbing the remote off of his desk and flipping over to the Mets/ Nationals game.

“What are you looking for, anyway?”

“I was working on something earlier,” Josh muttered, “I need to finish reading a briefing memo.”

“Can you just sit down for a minute? Do you think the spotted owl is going to go extinct if you eat dinner?” Charlie's irritation at his friend's inability to put his job on hold was beginning to show through. 

“One inning,” Josh warned as he made his way to the table. “One.” If it was anyone but Charlie, Josh would have chased them out of the office by now. 

“So,” Josh began somewhat awkwardly, knowing that he was one misstep away from Charlie calling Abbey Bartlet. And that, Josh thought, was a scolding he didn’t need right now. “How ya been?”

“I’ve been fine,” Charlie began. “But I don’t think the same can be said about you.” 

“You going to lecture me or drink a beer?” Josh’s fuse was unusually short these days, and even he wasn’t always sure when he was going to snap at someone.

Charlie studied him for a moment before popping the top off of a bottle and sitting back in a chair, loosening his tie. 

“Make yourself at home,” Josh noted, though he was somewhat relieved that at least Charlie was still comfortable around him. He’d come to view the former President’s body man as a surrogate little brother and though they didn’t see much of one another, Josh was glad to have Charlie around. 

As Josh flopped down on the couch where he’d slept the majority of nights over the last year, he realized just how exhausted he was. 

The two sat in comfortable silence for a moment before Charlie spoke. “Mets are awful this year.”

Josh raised his eyebrows and turned to look at him. “They’re just in a rebuilding phase. Besides, they’re better than the Nationals. Washington has lost 4 of the last 6 and-”

The connecting door to The Oval swung open and both men were immediately on their feet. 

“Mr. President,” Charlie greeted.

“Good Evening, Sir,” Josh added. 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Santos began to backpedal. He’d never seen his Chief of Staff in a social situation, though he did know that Josh considered Charlie a friend. 

“It’s fine,” Josh interjected. “Can I help you with something, sir?”

Santos caught the baseball game on TV and then eyed the pizza and beer. “No, uh,” he paused for a moment. He’d never socialized with his Chief of Staff. “Helen and the kids are out of town…”

“Would you like to join us, Sir?” Josh could read between the lines, but he was mentally pleading with the President to decline his offer. 

“Thought you’d never ask,” Santos sat down on the couch, accepting a beer from Charlie and grabbing a slice of pizza. “Nationals fans?” Santos glanced between Josh and Charlie.

“I am, Sir,” Charlie supplied. “Josh, however, is a delusional Mets fan.”

“Hey, they’ve got a chance this year. They were in the running for the wild card last season.”

“Yeah,” Charlie said dryly. “You keep telling yourself that.”

“I had no idea you were a baseball fan,” Santos remarked. 

Josh shrugged his shoulders. Truth be told, he didn’t really have any hobbies anymore. He worked non-stop and that was pretty much the only thing that he made time for these days.

“When was the last time you caught a game at Shea?”

“It’s been… a while,” Josh grumbled. 

“I’ll bet it has,” Charlie remarked. “Talked to Sam lately?”

“No.”

“CJ?”

“No.”

“Danny? Zoey? President Bartlet?”

“No,” Josh grumbled.

Charlie looked at him, asking with his eyes if Josh had any contact with the last name on the list. The one that neither of them dared speak out loud. Donna Moss was still a sore subject for Josh, and Charlie knew it.

Josh stared at the floor, barely shaking his head no in response to his friend’s unspoken question. 

“That’s messed up, man,” Charlie added in somewhat of a softer tone. “They’re your friends. They’re worried about you. Call them back. At least one of them.”

Charlie leaned back in his chair again and the three sat in a comfortable silence for the rest of the inning, eventually exchanging pleasant small talk until Charlie excused himself for the night. “I’ve gotta get going,” he stood. “I’m meeting Deanna for breakfast tomorrow. Have a nice evening, Mr. President. Later, Josh.”

“Have a good evening,” Santos shook Charlie’s hand.

“Later, Charlie.” Josh remarked. 

President Santos leaned forward in his seat on Josh’s couch, clasping his hands. He’d come into the Chief of Staff’s office with something to say earlier, but the last few hours had really driven his point home. “Josh,” he began, “I think we need to discuss a few things.”

“Yes, Sir.” Josh knew this was coming. The President hadn’t raised the issue of Hellhound to date, but it was only a matter of time. 

“I heard that the full advanced copies were released to select members of the press today.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Anything I need to know?”

“No, Sir. For the most part it’s just 320 pages of beltway rumors. Nothing overly damning to the administration from what I’ve read.”

Santos nodded his head. “I’m not sure if I’ve made myself clear over the last few weeks, Josh. But I want you to know that the White House stands behind you in all of this. You’ve done nothing but exceed my expectations since we’ve been in office, and frankly we wouldn’t be here at all if it wasn’t for you. I see the news, I hear what they’re saying on the cable shows at night, but make no mistake- your job isn’t in jeopardy.” 

“I appreciate that, Sir. But in all fairness I’m not sure that my being the center of attention for this many news cycles is doing anything to help the administration.”

“It’ll go away, Josh. They’ll see that there’s nothing of substance to be said in that book, and they’ll lose interest. I do wonder how you’re doing with all of this though.” Santos was going out on a limb and he knew it. The two had never discussed sports or movies, let alone the Chief of Staff’s feelings. “I can’t help but to wonder if you need a break, Josh. Just a week or so away from all of this. You work non stop and you haven’t so much as taken a day off in over two years. You’re churning through assistants, you sleep in your office more than you sleep at home- maybe a break would be good for you.”

Josh scowled at the thought. “If I leave now, Sir, the story will be that I’m being sent away. That I’m being pushed out.”

“A long weekend, then? A few days, Josh. Lou can tell the gaggle that this has been planned for months. Get out of town. You’re entitled to personal time.”

“Is this an order, Sir?” Josh wanted to clarify. 

“No,” Santos quickly responded. “Just an offer. It’s not mandatory.” Santos stood, ready to call it a night himself.

“Thank you, Mr. President, but I’ll pass. I have a lot to do here and I’m fine. Really.”

But even Josh wasn’t so sure anymore. 

When President Santos returned to the residence, Josh took his seat at his desk, pouring over a stack of paperwork that he hadn’t yet signed off on. He scribbled his signature where required and made a few additional notes here and there. 

He poured over a few briefing memos, underlining what he needed to take away from each one. He no longer trusted anyone to summarize the seemingly endless reading for him, and it consumed the bulk of his time at night. 

Flipping through the President’s schedule for the rest of the week, Josh couldn't help but to notice that it the set agenda was especially light. He remembered something about the Santos’ family coming into town, but he didn't realize the President had effectively cleared his weekend as a result. 

Though Josh wasn't the most introspective man in the world, he couldn't avoid the truth about his own lifestyle any longer. This whole debacle with Hellhound’s release had forced him to look himself in the mirror. He was working himself into an early grave, and his was miserable and alone in the process. He'd alienated his friends and he hardly remembered how to smile. 

Drumming his fingers on his desk for a moment, he mulled over his options, coming to a quick decision and heading up to the residence, waiting for the President in his private study. 

Josh glanced around, having only been in this particular room a handful of times. The Santos kept a strict separation of work and home whenever possible. 

“Josh? What's going on?” Matt Santos entered the room in blue jeans and a Houston Astros sweatshirt. 

“Sorry to disturb you, Sir.”

“It's alright,” the President waived him off. “What's going on? Something happening in Kazakhstan?”

“No, Sir.” Josh moved closer to the desk as Santos took his place in the oversized chair and waited to hear what his Chief of Staff was going to report. “I'd like to reconsider, that is if your offer still stands.”

“My offer?”

“Yes,” Josh continued. “I think it would be… beneficial… to everyone… if I took a few personal days. You have a light schedule for the remainder of the week and I'm confident that Cliff, Ed and Larry will be able to adequately staff your office. I'll be back in my office on Monday morning and, should you need anything, I can be reached on my Blackberry or summoned back to The White House.”

Santos nodded his head. “I think you're making the right decision, Josh. We'll be alright for a few days. Try to relax a bit, get out of town and clear your mind.” Even as he was saying it, Santos doubted his Chief of Staff was capable of true relaxation. 

“Thank you, Sir.” Josh bid the President goodnight and headed home with his detail. 

He wasn't sure what he'd do to fill his time over the next four days, but maybe this would be good for him nonetheless. 

He entered his dark apartment and tossed his backpack on the table, some of the contents spilling out of the partially open zipper. Glancing over, the cover of Hellhound caught his eye. So many lies. But he couldn’t deny that he didn’t have the same relationships he once did. 

Something broke inside him three years ago and he couldn’t help but wonder if there was any hope of fixing it.


	8. The Simple Life

"Okay, I think that's everything." Donna dropped her duffel by the front door and wandered into the kitchen, grabbing a cup of coffee. She was off work for the next four days and Donna had nothing to do but to wait until it was time to head for the airport for a spring break trip. She still couldn’t believe she’d agreed to this. 

"Sit down," Danny nodded to the empty seat at the counter next to CJ. "I made a quiche."

Donna complied, sliding onto the barstool. "I didn't know you could make quiche. You've been holding out on us."

"Well I can’t, really. But I figured, 'hey, I have a masters degree from Harvard, I can maybe figure out eggs."

"Maybe being the key word," CJ mumbled to Donna, shooting her a skeptical look as she took a sip of her coffee and hopped onto the barstool beside her.

"Well, I appreciate the thought," Donna sat up tall in supportive anticipation. 

Danny pulled the baking dish from the oven and grabbed three plates from the cabinet, slicing a piece of quiche... which promptly turned to liquid and ran back to the pan. CJ and Donna exchanged sideways glances with one another. 

"Alright," Danny tossed his oven mitts down and removed the floral print apron he'd donned. "Get your shoes, I'm taking you both out for brunch."

"No objections here," Donna quickly offered, slipping on her sandals and grabbing her purse. 

"Let's go to that new place," CJ offered, "with the bottomless mimosas." 

"Sold." Donna chimed in as the two made their way out the front door. 

"Hey, wait for me," Danny shouted as the door closed and he scrambled for his shoes and ran his fingers through his hair in an effort to look presentable. "What the hell just happened?" he laughed to no one in particular. 

Donna and CJ were deep in conversation when Danny climbed into the driver's seat and backed his BMW out of the driveway. 

Though it may not have been a conventional arrangement, he loved having Donna close by. His sisters were on the other side of the county and CJ's brothers also lived on the east coast. Donna and Sam filled that void for both of them. 

“So what do you two have planned for the long weekend,” Donna inquired. They’d be home alone for four days while she was in Cabo, and while Donna never felt as though she was unwanted, it wasn’t lost on her that the newlyweds had very little time to themselves. 

“Oh, you know,” CJ joked, “a bathtub full of champagne and an entire four day stretch of minimal clothing.”

“Well, good for you,” Donna egged her on. “At least somebody is having a little bit of fun.”

The girls giggled.

“Why are you laughing,” Danny remarked with a straight face. “That sounds like a fantastic plan.”

It was only another second before he broke his serious facade, laughing too. “Nah. CJ has to work this afternoon and Sam and I are putting some heirloom tomatoes into the garden on Saturday morning.”

“You’re putting more tomatoes in the garden?” Donna could hardly believe her ears as she exited the car, following CJ and Danny to a small table at a sidewalk cafe. 

“You say it like we’re going to need a tractor, Donna. It’s a reasonable sized garden.”

“It would be considered a reasonable sized garden if we lived in Iowa, Danny,” CJ interjected. “That thing has taken on a life of its own.”

“Look, we’re gardners now. It’s just the way it is. You might as well get on board.”

“We?” CJ shot him a questioning look.

“Yeah. Sam and I. We like to garden. I seem to recall two blonde women telling us repeatedly that we needed hobbies outside of our jobs. So, here we are. We garden now. And, this fall we’re going to can things.”

“Such as?” CJ had a brief vision of inedible tomato sauce splattered from floor to ceiling in her kitchen.

“You know… canned goods,” Danny shrugged, picking up the menu, glancing at it quickly and placing his order with the waitress. “Anyway, we need to get the heirloom tomatoes in the ground this weekend. We’re going to put them between the cucumbers and the bell peppers.”

“Did you plant my snap peas yet?” Donna questioned. It had been her only request. She’d loved snacking on the fresh peas in her grandmother’s garden when she was a little girl.

“I’m happy to report that we did, thank you very much,” Danny announced. “Transplanted them from the starter pots last weekend. You’re going to have peas by summer.” 

“Thank you,” Donna gave him a genuine smile.

“Hey,” CJ interjected. “Who’s side are you on here? Do you want to be eating some kind of cold heirloom tomato and wheatgerm stew every Thursday night for the foreseeable future?”

“She’s right, you know,” Donna admitted. “You’ve really got to talk to him about the healthy meals, Danno. They’re getting out of hand. Sometimes I just want a slice of pizza.” 

“Why me?”

“Because!” Donna insisted, having no better argument.

“I talked him out of buying a pair of men’s Ugg boots last winter,” CJ offered. “So I think I’m off the hook.”

“That shouldn’t count,” Donna interjected. 

“You’re right, it shouldn’t,” CJ took a bite of her eggs. “I was being a good friend and telling him the truth. And all I asked in return was that he get Danny to stop wearing that stupid straw fedora.”

“Hey! I look good in that fedora,” Danny piped up with borderline offense.

“You really don’t,” CJ remarked.

Donna shook her head, agreeing with CJ.

“Fine,” Danny relented, holding his hands up. “I’ll talk to him about the dinners. But not today. He’s been working on this one all week and this is going to take a certain amount of… delicacy.”

“Well, that’s all up to you guys,” Donna stated. “I’ll be on vacation in… two hours.”

“Well, if you’re heading to Cabo, and you’re going to be on a conference call all afternoon, it's a lovely day… maybe I’ll install all of that chicken wire that Sam and I bought last weekend,” Danny announced. 

“Chicken wire? Are we getting chickens?” Donna didn’t like where this was headed. Sam and Danny were really constructing their own little farm outside of her bedroom window. Tomatoes she could handle. Chickens were another story.

“No,” Danny waived her off. “Don’t be ridiculous. They’re to keep the squirrels out.”

“Oh my god,” CJ lightly tossed down her fork and sat back into her chair. “Here we go again with the damn squirrels.”

“Seriously, man. You’ve gotta let it go,” Donna muttered. It had become and obsession with those two men. It was Sam and Danny against the squirrels. 

Danny glanced at his watch. “We better get going. You don’t want to be late for the airport,” he announced.


	9. Before the Thunder

Donna was at the end of her rope. She’d decided, several hours ago, that she must have been out of her mind when she’d agreed to this little adventure to begin with. Her fellow classmates had convinced her that she’d needed a weekend away so she had, somewhat begrudgingly, agreed to join them for four days in Cabo to round out their spring break. 

She’d hugged CJ and Danny goodbye when they’d dropped her at the airport, and wheeled her luggage to the seemingly endlessly long line for check in counter, only to discover that her flight had been moved to a different terminal. “But I’ve been standing in line for almost forty minutes,” she’d told the ticketing agent. “There was no posted sign. I’m going to be late. Can you inform them that I’m on the way?”

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” the agent told Donna with no empathy in her voice. “You’ll have to catch a shuttle and check in at the desk in Terminal 1. Next!”

Donna sighed but did as she was instructed, hopping on the next shuttle to Terminal 1. She sat somewhat anxiously on the bus, checking her watch repeatedly and wondering if she would make her flight. Nothing ever seemed to go right for her when she traveled.

So, when she noticed the smoke coming out of the hood of the vehicle as they sat in airport traffic, she could completely believe it. It was right on par for her ‘vacation.’ The driver pulled over when he’d seen the vehicle overheating, and now they sat on the shoulder of the road at a complete standstill. The driver assured them that the airport would do their best to send a replacement shutte in a reasonable amount of time, but it was still time that Donna didn’t have. 

Hopping off the bus when it reached her terminal, she was met with another line at the counter, a line in TSA and, of course, a random security pat down. 

She held her arms out and sighed, blowing a loose strand of hair out of her face as the agent used a metal detecting wand on her. “I used to work in The White House,” she muttered.

“What’s that?” The agent gave her a pointed look.

“Nothing,” Donna stated, as she heard the final call for her flight. 

“Go ahead.” The agent handed her luggage back to her and allowed Donna to enter the terminal. 

Donna took off at a jog, but she only made it a few steps before twisting her ankle in the straps sandals she was sporting. 

“Oh, just forget it,” she said out loud to no one as she plopped down on a bench in a defeat. Maybe this wasn’t meant to be, she thought. She’d had her doubts about going on spring break to begin with. Maybe she just needed to spend a relaxing weekend at home.

Ah, yes. Home. The idea was sounding better and better. She pulled out her phone and began to call CJ before noticing the time. Donna knew that CJ was in meetings all afternoon, and didn’t want to bother her for this. She dialed the house, hoping she’d catch Danny, but it only rang until the machine picked up. She knew she could keep calling, but if he was in the backyard with his garden and a radio, he’d never hear it.

She clicked 4 on her speed dial and waited for Sam to pick up.

“Watkins, Perkins, Hadley and Seaborn, This is Cynthia.” Sam’s secretary rarely picked up his private line. 

“Hi, Cynthia. This is Donna. Is Sam around?” 

“Oh, hello, Miss Moss. No, I’m sorry. Sam left early today.”

“He did?”

“Yes. A few hours ago. Something personal came up.”

“Is everything alright?”

 

“Seemed to be.” Cynthia wouldn’t normally speak so freely, but she knew Donna well, and Sam had often indicated that she should be privy to information about his schedule. “He was in a great mood when he left. Asked me to clear the rest of his day and all of tomorrow.” 

“Oh. Well, alright.”

“Can I take a message, Miss Moss? I’d put you through to his cell but he left it on his desk.

“No, that won’t be necessary. Thank you, Cynthia.” Donna flipped her phone closed and rest her head in her hands. Some vacation this was. She could call a cab, she supposed, but the thought of a cab ride of that duration made her cringe internally. 

Donna stared down at her phone, trying to decide what to do. She’d missed her flight and now she was alone in the airport with a throbbing ankle, what else could go wrong today?

“Donna Moss?” 

“Hmm?” She didn’t even bother to look up.

“What are your thoughts on the new tell all book about Josh Lyman?”

“Haven’t read it. Don’t intend to.” She was still trying to figure out how she was going to get home from the airport.

“And why’s that?”

“Not a big fan of fiction…” she trailed off, looking up as the topic of conversation finally registered in her brain. She was a bit out of practice. Her stomach dropped when she saw Taylor Vaughn of the New York Times standing before her. “That’s off the record,” she quickly spit out, though she knew it was of no use. Taylor had rarely been a friend to White House staffers. 

“Nothing’s off the record, Miss Moss,” he snarked back.

Donna had to think fast. As long as she was commenting, she might as well go for it. She rattled off a statement, speaking from the heart, and then turned to leave Taylor before he could ask for follow up. 

Donna quickly decided a taxi would be worth the cost. She had to get out of there. 

She loaded her suitcase into the trunk and curled up next to the window and closed her eyes, willing the ride to go by quickly.

She dozed off and on, too worried about her surroundings to really nap. Her mind drifted to a similar day a lifetime ago, navigating Indiana with Josh and Toby. She felt herself smile involuntarily at the thought. Though the day had been a complete fiasco, ending in heartbreak with the Kent State bombing, she focused on the little bits of happiness she could pull from that day- it was all she had left of him. 

She thought of the way his eyes wandered over to her in times of uncertainty, the touch of his hand on the small of her back, the warm sweatshirt he’d purchased her when she was sopping wet and freezing cold. The smile that used to be reserved for only her. The unwavering desire to do something positive to change the world. 

Donna felt the car slow to a stop, only then realizing that it had taken over two hours to make her way home. The sun had set over the city and the street was only lit by the soft lights shining through the draperies. 

She paid the cab fare and grabbed her bag, slinging it over her shoulder. Limping up the driveway to the house she spotted Sam’s car, pleased to see that he’d made it over for family dinner.

She was exhausted, paying little attention to her surroundings as she pulled her keys out and let herself in, dropping her bag by the front door and heading immediately to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine. 

“I’m home,” she yelled out. “And God, what a day it’s been…” She was going to launch into a narrative about her less than ideal visit to the airport, but she stopped at the sound of commotion coming from the other room.

Donna heard the small clang of silverware being suddenly dropped in the dining room, and the unmistakable sound of a solid wood chair scooting backward against the hardwood floor, as though someone had immediately stood up. 

“Guys?” She continued, furrowing her brow to peek around the corner. She stopped dead in her tracks and stared, her eyes immediately locking with his.

“Josh.”

“Donnatella.”


	10. Emptiness in Harmony

“Oh my god,” Donna remarked to herself in panicked disbelief. He was the last person she’d expected to see at family dinner. Once she began to regain her bearings she turned and retreated to the kitchen, her mind spinning. 

Josh remained glued to his spot in the dining room. Of all the things he’d imagined when he decided to visit Sam, seeing Donna as not even on the list. 

“I’ll go,” Sam stated softly, placing his napkin on the table and standing to follow Donna. Sam’s movement jolted Josh out of his fog.

“No!” Josh snapped, shooting Sam a look that he dared not challenge. Josh sprang into action and was right behind Donna, stopping short at the end of the counter. Now that he knew she was here, he needed to see her. To spend even just a few minutes in her presence.

But Donna kept her back turned to him as she made herself busy in the kitchen, nervously moving the dishes around in the cabinets on the pretense that she needed a glass. She knew he was behind her, watching her every move. She’d been beyond startled by his presence and she didn’t think she was ready to face him. 

She heard his footsteps stop, and she knew he was likely fidgeting behind her. She stilled her actions, placing her hands down and leaning on the counter, her head hung. 

“What are you doing here?” His voice was nothing if not unsure of himself. And a part of her couldn’t help but respond to him. 

She sighed. She couldn’t avoid this and she knew it. But more than that, she didn't want to avoid him. 

“What do you mean what am I doing here? I live here, Josh.”

“You… live here?” His voice went up an octave.

She turned her head to glance at him, her heart skipping a small beat at the confirmation that he was there, in the flesh. She wasn’t sure she hadn’t dreamed it when she’d lay eyes on him in the dining room. 

“You’re telling me you really didn’t know?” There was an edge to her voice he’d rarely heard before. 

“No,” he admitted earnestly, shoving his hands into his pockets. He’d kept tabs on her through Sam, who assured him countless times that she was okay, but provided no additional details on her life. If he would have been able to focus on anything but Donna, Josh would have been enraged at that realization. He’d ached for her and she’d been right there, with Sam and CJ, this whole time. 

She swallowed hard, staring at the floor. It seemed as though he cared even less than she’d initially thought he did. “You know what? I’m just going to go call it a night,” she announced, nervously tucking her hair behind her ear.  She took a step and wobbled a bit. 

“Whoa,” he moved forward, extending his arm towards her should she need it, but not daring to touch her. “Are you alright?”

“Fine,” she muttered, still not looking at him. “I just twisted my ankle a bit at the airport.”

“You should sit down,” he stated as if it wasn’t obvious. 

She held back her sarcastic comment. “Can you just get CJ?” she asked him. Donna just wanted to take an advil and get her bearings about her again. She knew CJ would give her the answers to all of the questions she wanted to ask at that moment.

“CJ!” Josh yelled out.

Donna rolled her eyes. “I could have done that.”

CJ appeared in the kitchen momentarily, giving Donna a look that asked about a hundred questions at once when she knew Josh couldn’t see her. 

“I twisted my ankle,” Donna began again, ignoring the obvious situation. She’d get into it with CJ later. 

“You twisted your ankle?” Sam repeated from the doorway where he stood with Danny. “How?”

“At the airport,” Donna sighed, repeating the announcement for the third time.  “I just stepped funny,” she stated. “It’s really nothing.”

“You should sit down,” Sam stated.

“That’s what I told her,” Josh threw in eagerly. 

“What are we going to do with you, Dolly?” Danny walked over and picked her up, startling Donna a bit as he carried her to the couch. 

A smile tugged at the corner of Donna’s mouth. “May I suggest a palanquin?”

Danny laughed outright as he deposited her on the couch. “You may not.”

Josh stood in the corner, feeling out of place and unsure of himself. He watched his closest friends fall into a comfortable rhythm around him, talking and moving in sync with one another. 

He felt like a complete outsider, as though he was simply observing people he once knew. He realized for the first time that life had gone on without him. He stood quiet amid the conversation, glancing around the room and taking in the pieces of their everyday lives. Lives he knew nothing about. There were photos on the walls and papers on the refrigerator. The mantle held a gaudy karaoke trophy adorned with four fake leis. He continued to hang back and listen, but mostly, he watched her. He let himself, if for a only fleeting moment, remember how much he missed her.

“Danny! Heads up,” Sam called from the kitchen as he tossed and ice pack over the counter and moved to open a kitchen drawer, pulling out a bottle of Advil. 

CJ grabbed a glass and filled it with ice and water while asking Donna what had happened after they dropped her off at the airport. 

Donna gave her friends an overview of her afternoon. Josh remained quiet through her narrative, but he couldn’t help but to internally cringe at the thought of her heading to Cabo with a group of people who didn’t even care enough to make sure she made it on the airplane. Though he didn’t dare say it, he was relieved she was safe and secure on CJ’s couch. And he was glad their paths had crossed once again, even if she didn’t appear to feel the same way. 

“I’m sorry, Donna,” Sam told her, genuinely disappointed to hear that she’d had such a rough afternoon.

“Me too,” Danny added. “We should have stayed to make sure you got on the airplane.”

“It’s really fine, guys,” Donna waived them off. “You didn’t know. And I promise I’m perfectly capable of taking a cab.” 

“Well, we’re glad you’re home,” CJ told her, opening the fridge again. “I picked up a pie from that place on Melrose. Want a slice?”

“Of course,” Donna smiled. 

Sam’s cell phone rang and he excused himself to take the call. Danny popped into the master bathroom to grab an Ace bandage for Donna.

Josh remained where he was, staring out the french doors into the darkness and still not speaking a word.

"Could you hand me that throw?" She asked. “This ice pack is making me cold.”

“Me?” Josh was almost taken aback that she was acknowledging him. 

She laughed softly. “Yes, you. Who else do you think I’m talking to?”

He picked up the small blanket on the back of the chair and unfolded it, placing it gently over her legs. He wanted to sit with her. To touch her and take her in and make sure that she was real. He wanted to ask her a hundred questions about her life now, and to bury his face in her hair. He wondered if it still smelled faintly of cherry blossoms and almonds. 

"Is this alright?" He asked timidly, meaning his proximity as much as the way he'd placed the blanket over her.

"It's great, thank you," She fidgeted with her hands, unsure of where to begin. One of them needed to say something, and she had a feeling it wasn’t going to be him. “So...” she began. “Here you are.” 

“Here you are,” he parroted her intent. He still couldn’t believe any of this. It was as though he was inside of the dream he’d had so many times. Dreams he had of her. Of them. He just prayed he wouldn’t wake up on the couch in his office. 

“You came out to see Sam, I take it,” she asked with some vulnerability in her voice. 

He nodded his head in confirmation, shifting his weight nervously as he stood next to the couch. “It was last minute. I just hopped on a plane this morning.”

“Ah.” That did explain why no one had given her a heads up regarding his visit. 

“I can go,” he told her. “I should go.” he began to look around nervously. “And I’ll fly back to DC tomorrow. I didn’t mean to intrude on-”“No,” she was resolute in her answer. “Josh, please, don’t leave because of me.”

“I- I thought you wanted your privacy,” he stammered. “I thought you didn’t want to see me ever again.”

Her eyes whipped up towards him at the sound of his stutter. She narrowed her gaze and focused on him. It struck her immediately. He was a shell of the man she once knew. He may be known as one of the biggest power brokers in the world, but inside he was simply broken.It was hard to comprehend.

“Please... I want you to stay.” It was all she could muster, but as soon as his gaze met hers, he knew she was genuine.

“Okay,” Sam popped back in, stopping their conversation short. “Sorry about that,” he apologized for his phone call. “But my schedule is officially clear through the weekend,” he announced with a smile. 

“Well that’s fantastic,” Donna smiled brightly. “I was all ready for spring break, and I can just tell that Josh is itching for an adventure,” she teased. “So let’s plan something fun.”

“OOOH!” CJ interjected excitedly as she brought Donna her piece of pie. “A staycation!” 

“Oh God,” the men groaned at the cliche. CJ shot them a look that quickly shut all 3 of them up. 

Donna laughed and grabbed the laptop from the coffee table with a mischievous grin on her face. “Josh came all the way to LA, I bet he’d love to take a Celebrity Tour! See where all the rich and famous live. Oh, and shop on Rodeo Drive?” 

Donna laughed at the look of horror on his face. “Josh, I was kidding. We aren’t going to drag you to Disneyland.”

“I’ll say,” Danny chimed in. “I once saw you throw up after a student trip to see an IMAX movie. I’m not sitting next to you on Splash Mountain.” 

“Oh.” Josh gave an unnatural smile, trying and failing to seem comfortable in his surroundings. Donna wondered if Josh could even think of the last time he’d laughed. 

Sam snickered while Donna rolled her eyes at Danny and continued to speak with her original intent. 

“We’ll have a nice, quiet, relaxing weekend. I’m glad you came out here, Josh. We all are.” She smiled gently at him, and Josh quickly found himself genuinely believing her.  He marveled at the possibility that she would welcome him back into her life.

The rest of the group agreed quietly. 

Half an hour later, Donna couldn’t stop yawning.  

“That’s our cue,” Sam stated, standing up. “Time to head back to my place.”

“Goodnight, Dolly,” Sam leaned in and kissed Donna on the cheek. “See you in the morning.”

Josh felt his eyes bug out a little at first, but when Sam gave CJ the same treatment, he relaxed a bit. This California lifestyle was definitely not what he was used to.

Josh stood up reluctantly, giving them all a small nod of appreciation and a muttered goodbye. That evening, just spending time with his friends and seeing Donna, were the best moments that he’d had in years.


	11. Storms

“I’m not doing this.” Josh was acting like a petulant child. 

“Why?” Sam couldn’t think of a better way to start his morning.

“Because, Sam. I can think of a hundred better things to do on a Friday morning other than take a hike.” He emphasized the last word as though it was particularly vile. 

“You do realize you’re over reacting, don’t you? First of all, it’s really more of a long walk than a hike. Second, a little fresh air could do you a lot of good. You’ve really got a White House tan going on right now. Besides, last night we told Donna we’d go with her.”

Josh tried to switch tactics. “Even if I wanted to, there’s no way the agents would let me,” Josh announced as though it was completely out of his hands. 

Sam just shook his head. “That’s not the case, Josh, and we both know it. I’ve been around enough secret service agents that I know that just isn’t true. Here, I’ll ask someone.” Sam began to walk towards the front door to his condo, where Josh’s detail was posted. 

Josh was fairly sure he’d won this round, but as soon as Sam opened the door Donna breezed in.

“Good Morning,” she gave them both a bright smile.

“Good Morning,” Sam greeted cheerfully. “The coffee is ready for you.”

“Sounds amazing,” Donna responded easily. “Hi, Josh. Did you get some sleep?”

She made her way around Sam’s kitchen, pulling a mug out of the cabinet and chattering away about something she’d heard on the radio on the way over. 

Josh watched her closely, finding comfort in her gentle warmth. He was mesmerized, wanting so badly to reach out and touch her. To be sure she was real, and that she was here. He’d barely been able to believe his eyes when she walked through the door, and even the next day he couldn’t believe he’d be lucky enough to actually see her again. And even if he could somehow comprehend that she was real, he couldn’t imagine for the life of him why she’d be glad to see him. Why she’d seemingly welcome him back with open arms. It seemed too good to be true. 

“Josh?”

He snapped to when he heard her say his name. Sam and Donna were both looking at him expectantly. 

“Huh?”

Donna smirked at him. “I asked if you got any sleep last night?”

“Oh, uh,” he ran a hand through his hair and looked around a bit. “Yeah.”

But truth be told, he hadn’t. He’d tossed and turned thinking of her and wondering what in the hell he was doing with his life. He tried to pinpoint where he’d gone wrong, and mentally listed all that he’d sacrificed for his career. She’d been on the list more than once. 

“Well…” she studied his face for a moment, “I’m... glad to hear that.”

She didn't believe him. Not for one minute. He was as exhausted as she’d ever seen him. It had scared her half to death when she’d layed eyes on him the evening prior, and she’d spent the majority of the previous night curled up in bed as she quietly cried herself to sleep over him. It terrified her that he wasn’t taking care of himself, physically or emotionally, it seemed.

“Josh isn’t going on the hike with us,” Sam stated flatly.

“What?” Donna paused what she was doing to turn and look at him. “What do you mean?”

“He’s not going,” Sam was matter of fact. 

“Sure he is,” Donna offered, wandering over to the refrigerator to add a splash of almond milk to her coffee. Her hand came easily to rest on his chest, where she pat him gently. “He’s an outdoorsman, afterall.”

Josh and Sam were both unable to see Donna’s smile from where they stood, but she knew Josh. And she knew she had him with that comment. 

“I’ll go,” he offered fairly quickly, still able to feel the warmth from her gentle touch radiate through him. “I just meant that I’m very busy this morning, that’s all.”

“You could use some time off,” Donna chimed in without hesitation. “I thought that’s what this was all about?”

Josh nodded his head in agreement with her. “I’ll go change,” he told them, quickly making his way to Sam’s guest room and wondering if he’d packed, or even owned, anything that could be deemed appropriate apparel for hiking. 

He returned shortly, only to find Donna in the living room with a pout on her face.

“What’s wrong?” He was still powerless against the pout, apparently. He didn’t know what the issue was, but he just wanted to immediately fix it. 

“It’s raining,” she sighed. “It never rains in Southern California.” 

“But when it pours, man, it pours?” Josh quipped. “Little cliche, don’t you think?”

Donna didn’t even roll her eyes. She beamed at him. Banter, she thought. He was bantering. Her Josh might really be in there after all. 

“Well, even I can’t control the weather,” he told her. “And I’m a very powerful man, you know.”

She bit her lip to suppress a smile, crossing her arms to play along. 

“But when Sam was attempting to sell me on this hiking nonsense this morning-”

“It’s not nonsense, Josh,” she interjected. “It’s hiking. It’s not an unheard of hobby.”

“When Sam was trying to sell me on this nonsense,” he began again, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth, “he promised me breakfast afterwards.”

“And?” She knew Josh well enough that she could be certain he had a plan in all of this. 

“And it’s not raining inside this restaurant that you two frequent, is it? How bout it, Donnatella? I buy you breakfast, you buy me coffee, we forget about the hike?”

“I’m not buying you coffee,” she picked up her purse. “But I’ll let you buy me breakfast.” She gave him a teasing smile, which he quickly returned. Maybe they were getting somewhere. 

“Sam!” They both bellowed at the same time. 

Sam’s head peeked around the corner from his study.

“We’re taking Josh to Kiki’s,” Donna announced. 

“Kiki’s?” Josh’s eyebrows shot up. “That doesn’t sound like the kind of place that will cook my eggs over hard and smother them in gravy.” 

“Well, fortunately for your cholesterol, it’s not.” Donna led them out the front door and Josh's agents fell into step beside them. 

“Wide perimeter,” Josh snapped at his lead agent, Rocky, though the agent only fell back a few paces. “And don’t make me tell you again!” He’d had it with his detail lately, and he just wanted a little freedom this particular morning.

“Josh!” Donna was horrified. She’d been concerned about his lack of protection the night before, but CJ had assured her that the secret service had been sitting right outside of the house, with full knowledge that Donna lived in the casita. “They’re trying to keep you safe! Don’t tell them how to do their jobs.” Donna was exasperated. 

“Donna…” He warned. That was typically all it took with him these days. Even a sideways glance from Josh Lyman would send the most boisterous Senator running. 

But not Donna. 

“No! Josh!” She crossed her arms and stood tall, staring him down. “You’ve got to listen to them. What if something happened to you?!”

“Calm down,” he blew her off. 

“I will not calm down! This is serious! You need to be careful. You need to take care of yourself. And I don’t just mean the detail. When was the last time you ate a decent meal, Josh? Or the last time you had a full night's sleep? I don’t even want to think about how many doctors appointments you’ve blown off or what your blood pressure is lately!”

Josh, perfectly keyed up at this point, set his jaw. “If I wanted a lecture from my mother, I’d call her,” he spat. “But I’m not going to sit here and let you tell me what’s going on in my life. A life you have chosen to know nothing about!”

“I have chosen?”

“Yes. In case you don’t remember, Donna, YOU left ME!” Josh leaned forward and pointed at his chest for emphasis. 

Sam’s eyes widened and as he pretended to look around. He knew for certain that he didn’t want a piece of this conversation. 

“I didn’t leave you, Josh,” she said with a even tone in her voice. “I left the job. But when I came to you, you shut me out. You were ready and waiting with ammunition, weren’t you?”

“It was business, Donna. Not personal,” He spouted off the line, which was practically rehearsed at this point. He’d tried to convince himself of that for the better part of two years. 

“Sure it was,” she told him with a defeated sigh, knowing she couldn’t continue this way.

“Don’t you dare turn this around on me! I gave you a job when you had nothing after your loser boyfriend left you high and dry. I took you back when he did it a second time. I brought you with me to the White House when you had no qualifications and no resources! And what did you do? You LEFT ME to answer phones for Bingo Bob!” 

She gave a sad smile and looked away. She’d done her best to convince herself that she’d grown in her job. That she’d deserved the life she was making for herself. But his words stung. He really did think he carried her all of these years. He really did think that little of her. 

“Josh!” Sam interjected, a horrified look on his face. He wasn’t going to let this continue. 

Josh stared at Donna for a moment more, slowly realizing what had just transpired. She was worried for him, genuinely concerned for his well being, and he’d responded with a ferocity he typically reserved for only the most conniving of Republicans. 

“Have a nice breakfast, Sam.” Donna stated without emotion, adjusting her purse before she began to walk in the opposite direction. 

“Donna, wait,” Sam interjected, giving Josh a dirty look in the process. 

But Donna was already headed down the street in the rain, trying to hold back her tears until she was in the privacy of her car. 

Josh stood frozen under the awning to Sam’s building. Only a few minutes before they’d been playfully bantering back and forth. 

Sam turned back to Josh, ready to lash out at him. But he saw the despair in his best friends eyes. Sam realized that this was bigger than he could fix on a sidewalk. Josh quickly walled himself off. 

“Walk her to her car,” he instructed a nearby agent, his face already made of stone one again. “And if she’s upset, drive her home. Make sure she gets there safely.”

The agent didn’t hesitate before following Donna down the street. 

Josh turned and stormed away, back towards Sam’s building. 

“Where are you going?” Sam followed him. 

“I need to make a few calls. Check in with my office.” He didn’t leave any room for argument. 

“What about breakfast?” Sam just wanted to prevent Josh from walling himself off again. 

“I’m not hungry,” Josh muttered, pulling out his Blackberry, already walking away and dialing DC.


	12. Wake Up Call

“Okay.” Sam stated into his phone as he rooted through his fridge. “Uh-huh.” he moved a head of lettuce to the side. “Yeah.” He pulled a 6 pack out from the middle shelf. “Thanks, Ceej. See you tomorrow.”

Sam grabbed two bottles of beer and knocked on the door to his guest room, where Josh had been holed up the entire day, shouting into his Blackberry for the majority of the afternoon.

“Yeah,” Josh yelled, swinging the door open as he scrolled through an email on his phone. 

“Hey man, you want a beer?” Sam typically didn’t bother to deal with Josh when he was in a mood, but he was making an exception. He could tell Josh needed to talk about it, and after confining himself to Sam’s guest bedroom all day, Sam hoped he’d at least attempt to enjoy the evening. 

Josh glanced up, his eyebrows raised, and looked around the room before taking the beer from Sam with some hesitancy. “Kay.”

“I ordered a pizza,” Sam stated. 

“And would this be… regular pizza? Or Sam pizza?”

“It’s a triple cheese pizza, Josh.”

“... and are any of those so called “cheeses” derivatives of nuts?”

“No.”

 

“Is the crust made with cauliflower?”

“No.”

“Are there any vegetables on the three melted cheeses?”

“No.”

“Well, in that case... it sounds good.” Josh took a drink and shuffled out towards Sam’s living room, stopping by the windows and looking out over the city. “Hey, look. It stopped raining.”

Sam furrowed his brow. “It stopped raining 9 hours ago, Josh.”

“Ah.” Josh scrubbed his hand over his face. He’d spent the entirety of his day picking fights with practically anyone who answered his call, and brooding while he determined who was next on the list. He absolutely hated the way he’d spoken to Donna that morning, but what really terrified him was how quickly he’d snapped at her. It was eating him up inside. 

He wanted to ask Sam if he’d heard from her. He wanted to drive over to her and beg for her forgiveness. He wanted to make sure she was okay, even if he wasn’t.

“CJ called,” Sam began, flipping on the tv and turning to ESPN. “She snagged box tickets to the Dodgers game on Sunday and wants us to join her. I didn’t know what time you were heading back to DC though.”

“She wants me to come?”

Sam gave Josh a strange look. It was still difficult for him to reconcile the fact that Josh felt so unwanted. 

“Yes, Josh. CJ arranged for the tickets because you’re in town. She thought we’d all have fun.”

“No, I meant…” Josh shoved his hands into his pockets and stared at the floor. “Is Donna going?”

“Oh for heaven's sake…” Sam was exasperated. “When are you going to wake up?”

“I’m just asking a question.” Josh’s guard was already up, but he wasn’t used to anyone being so bold as to actually discussing Donna with him. 

“You were a real ass this morning, you know,” Sam told him. “She was just trying to make sure you were okay. She worries about you. We ALL worry about you.” Sam was becoming a bit worked up as he spoke. He’d managed to bite his tongue all day, hoping to cut Josh a break and wishing to avoid confrontation, but he’d had enough. 

“Yeah, well, you shouldn’t waste your time,” Josh retorted. 

“What the hell, man?” Sam stood up. He certainly wasn’t going to let this go. “I don’t even know who you are anymore. You don’t return phone calls, you work nonstop, and you shut out the people who care about you.”

“I’m trying to run a country, Sam.”

“And you’re damn near killing yourself in the process! You need to remember who’s on your side in all of this, Josh. If there’s anyone who can understand the stresses of working in the West Wing, it’s the four of us and Toby, and you just shut us all out.”

“I’m here, aren’t I?” Josh snarked. 

“Barely!” Sam didn’t miss a beat. “You’ve been consumed by your Blackberry nonstop. You’ve barely spoken to us, you haven’t wanted to join in on our weekend and you blew up on Donna this morning.”

Josh scrubbed his hand over his face and let out a puff of air. He’d been brooding over the way he’d reacted to her genuine concern all day. It was almost as though he didn’t know how to act anymore. He didn’t know what to say or do to make things better with her. 

Over the course of their time apart, he’d imagined her to be exactly the same as she’d always been. Reasonably, he knew it couldn’t have been true. She’d grown and changed and the woman that walked out of his office and onto the Russell campaign wasn’t the girl who had hired herself in New Hampshire. When he’d run into her on the campaign they’d interacted as though they were cordial strangers. He’d been left with a feeling of emptiness that he’d tried to block out. He never wanted to experience that particular set of emotions again, so he built yet another wall. She’d come to him after the convention and he hadn’t let her in. She’d always been the one who could break through his otherwise impenetrable fortress, but it was the exception that proved the rule that particular afternoon.

“Have you talked to her?” Josh glanced over at Sam. 

“What?” 

“Donna. Did she call? I mean, is she… I don’t know, is she alright?”

“I sincerely doubt it, but it won’t be the first time she’s had to mend a broken heart after you’ve done something callous. She’s practically a professional when it comes to trying to get over you,” Sam smarted without thinking. 

“Wha- What did you just say?” Josh froze and Sam’s eyes went wide. 

“Oh, come on, Josh! Don’t play stupid with me. How many times do you have to hear the truth?”

Josh’s eyebrows shot up. 

“I was there, Josh. I was beside you. I’ve seen it all. The absolute hell she was living that night at GW, the story Danny tells of you throwing the snowballs at her window, the way you sounded on the phone in Germany, the way you two used to look at each other…”

“Used to?” This caught Josh's attention, but Sam didn’t hear him as he continued on his rant. Thinking about Donna caring for him only in the past tense sent a jolt of pain straight to his heart. 

“I don’t know what half brained thing you said to her when she asked you for a job, but it must be something that can go into the Josh Lyman hall of fame.”

“I… Sam, it’s not like that.” Josh has no real defense. He knew he began to slowly fall apart the second that Donna walked out of his office, but he’d never had anyone call him on it. 

“It is though! It’s exactly like that!”

“It wasn’t personal. It was business.” The rationale sounded as weak as it felt. 

“Oh give it a damn rest, Josh. I’ve heard it all. I’ve heard it in your refusal to even acknowledge the situation, I’ve heard it in your not so subtle inquiry about her, and god knows I’ve heard it from her.”

“She talked to you? What did she say?” Josh’s voice was soft and reserved. 

“Are you in the fourth grade? Jesus, Josh! Ask her yourself.”

Josh subtly shook his head no. After their conversation that morning, Josh wasn’t sure she’d be jumping to take his calls. 

“I mean, my god,” Sam continued, unsure of where this was all coming from. “You’ve gotta stop, Josh. Be her friend. Be a part of her life. That’s all well and fine. But if you’re going to act like you did this morning, you need to just bow out. How can you treat her like that? After all she’s been to you?”

Josh simply stared at Sam. It had been a long time since someone had truly called him out like that. 

Josh slowly sat down on the couch, his head in his hands. He was silent for a long moment before looking up at Sam with sincerity. “What do I do?” He asked. “How do I fix it?”

“Physician heal thyself.” Sam muttered back.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“I don’t know, Josh,” he told his friend with sincerity. “But what I do know is that my two best friends are both hurting, and that their best chance of healing is by helping each other.”


	13. Who We Used to Be

Though Sam had made his opinions known regarding Josh’s outburst that morning, he’d backed off a bit over dinner. He could tell that Josh was punishing himself far worse than anyone else could, and decided to cut him some slack.

Josh, for his part, was devastated. He’d tortured himself for the last two years about the way they’d left things, and when fate finally offered him a second chance, he’d blown it. His temper had erupted. 

He wondered if perhaps this whole weekend was a bad idea. 

He pulled his phone out of his pocket once again, weighing his options. Part of him wanted to pack up and fly back to DC on the red eye. His friends were thriving without him. They were happy. They were relaxed. And they had each other. Maybe he should just leave them alone. He was no good for anyone.

But something held him back. A little voice inside his head kept reminding him that he’d regret it for the rest of his life if he let things end this way. 

Josh hit send and held his phone to his ear, standing and wandering out to Sam’s balcony, closing the door behind him for a moment’s privacy. 

She answered on the fifth ring, but remained silent. It was, quite frankly, more than he deserved at that particular moment. 

“Donna,” he began, desperation thick in his voice. “I’m so sorry.”

Silence. 

“I know that I have no right to ask you for anything,” he continued, “but if you could find it in your heart not to hang up, I’d be forever appreciative.” He waited a beat, then two. Then just when he thought she had actually hung up, he heard her soft voice.

“I’m still here.”

For a second his heart stopped. Did she chose those words on purpose? Could she have possibly known what he’d meant when he said them in that hospital room? Did she even remember them?

Suddenly, he was spitting out everything on his mind, trying to come up with an apology that would fix his colossal mistake from this morning. 

“I’m sorry for the way I behaved this morning. It was inexcusable. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. You were being sincere and I was being an ass.”

He could hear the faint sound of her shifting on the couch, so he continued. At least she was listening. 

“Donna-- I said things I didn’t mean. You know that right? I don’t know where it all came from. I was just . . . lashing out, I guess. Not that that’s an excuse. I’m really sorry. Please tell me you know I don’t actually think any of those things.”

He heard a faint sniffle and his chest tightened. He felt sick. He’d blown it with her again. He’d never get this right.

“Oh my God, Donna,” he wasn’t surprised to hear his voice crack as he sank into a chair on Sam’s balcony. “There’s so much I should say, so many things. But I can’t right now. Not like this. I know I’ve screwed up so many times. I just hope I haven’t run out of chances with you. I’ll leave in the morning. This is your home and your life. I won’t invade it any longer. I really am sorry.”

He was about to hang up when her voice broke through.

“Josh?”

He leaned forward, desperately hoping that she’d say something, anything, that might indicate that there was still a chance for him to make things right. 

“Stay.” Her voice was soft but not hesitant. 

He let out the breath he’d been holding, relief flooding his body. He wondered if he could dare to continue, or if he’d already used and run out of his luck for the evening. “Can I- Can I see you again?”

Donna shifted in her spot on the couch, the corner of her mouth twitching up into the slightest smirk. “Only if you actually come out of Sam’s guest room.” 

He wasn’t irritated by her snarky comment. Rather, he was relieved by the banter. Sure, it didn’t solve any of their issues. But it was familiar. It was easy to slip back into the comfortable avoidance routine. It had been their go to for the better part of the last decade. 

“I was working! And how did you know I was occupied all day? Did Sam forget to tell me he officially joined the sisterhood?”

Donna laughed softly. “We taught him the handshake and everything. You should see how good he looks in a dress! He really can pull off anything. The rumors are true.”

The tension shifted once again, as Donna realized what she’d inadvertently said. 

“Yeah. I’ve been hearing that a lot lately.” He gave a self deprecating mumble. 

“Josh, I- That’s not want I meant.”

“Yeah,” he stated softly. 

“I’d never…”

“I know. And I appreciate it. But I really don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“Okay,” she acquiesced. She tried her best to understand why he was shutting her out, but her heart ached a little, knowing that not so many years ago, she would have been the one he turned to with something like this. 

“Anyway. I believe you were about to tell me about how to join the sisterhood?”

“You couldn’t handle us, Josh,” she quipped. “We’re all woman. And, well, Sam.”

“I could look good in a dress!” He joked. 

“No Josh, you really couldn’t,” Donna chuckled as they sat in a more comfortable silence for a moment before she took a deep breath and continued earnestly. “Enjoy your evening catching up with Sam and get some sleep, okay? I’ll see you at the pool tomorrow?” 

“Yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“And Josh?”

“Yeah?”

“You can always call me.”

And somehow in spite of the morning from hell, they both hung up the phone with a little more warmth in their hearts.


	14. Spring Break Redux

“I’m fairly certain,” CJ announced to Donna as they waded into the backyard pool, “that was one of the best massages I’ve ever had.”

“Absolutely,” Donna agreed. “And great manicures, too,” she added, looking at her perfectly polished nails. “Thanks, Ceej. That was really nice of you.”

“My pleasure,” CJ smiled, glad she could treat one of her closest friends to a morning at the spa. Donna flipped the radio on and the two floated around the pool, basking in the warm sun and sipping the tropical drinks they’d made. 

“I could stay right here all weekend,” Donna announced, “and be very happy.”

“You read my mind,” CJ admitted, as they embraced the comfortable silence. 

Donna’s eyes fluttered closed and she began to doze in the tranquility She’d barely slept the prior night. Though she’d turned in fairly early, Donna had tossed and turned thinking about Josh once again. Her mind wasn’t able to focus on anything else. After all this time, after everything they’d been through, he’d just appeared in front of her with no warning whatsoever. 

And though he’d taken on the persona of a madman, that certainly wasn’t Donna’s first thought when she’d seen him. He was exhausted. Beat down and broken. He wasn’t taking care of himself, either, she noticed. And he was anything but happy. She’d decided on the spot that she wasn’t going to let their tension get in the way of the relaxing weekend away he so clearly needed.

CJ and Donna soon heard car doors slam, as Danny, Sam and Josh made their way into the house. They’d spent the morning golfing and had agreed to meet the girls at the pool for the afternoon. 

Josh had grumbled in protest at the idea, but he was quickly overruled. He’d do it though, just to spend some time near Donna. A few moments later, Danny and Sam emerged from the house with their own drinks, hopping into the pool and continuing to bicker about their golf games.

“Where’s Josh?” Donna was worried he had indeed backed out. While their conversation the previous night was a start, it was only a bandaid for their current situation. It might get them through the weekend but by no means did it undo the damage of the last few years.

“He’s coming,” Sam attempted to reassure her, though he didn’t seem convinced himself. “He’s going to check in with Cliff and then he’ll be down.”

Sam noticed Donna bristle a bit, though he wasn’t sure why. He let it go, however, as she seemed to be a bit high strung as it was. He couldn’t blame her, though. He’d seen what had transpired the morning before, and not for the first time in his life he was amazed by her ability to forgive. 

In the house, Josh ended his call after he was assured that everything was under control. He sighed, hesitant to join everyone else outside. They had such a rhythm going, and they all seemed so happy. He felt like an outsider. Combining that with the tension he felt stemming from his argument with Donna yesterday, he just didn't know if he could subject himself to another afternoon of torture as he looked on to the life he didn't have.

He caught a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror. His skin was sallow with dark circles under his eyes. He’d lost weight but he only looked sickly as a result. He wasn’t toned at all, and he couldn’t remember the last time he had been to the gym. Sam was right, he thought. He did look like death on a Triscuit. 

The differences between himself and his friends couldn’t be any more glaring. Sam and CJ were beautifully tanned. Danny was still pale, but he was happy and healthy. And Donna… her alabaster skin was glowing. California definitely agreed with her. 

There was no more delaying the inevitable, he thought, as he moved to the fridge to find a beer. At least he could take the edge off. He’d find a shady spot and sit quietly while everyone else enjoyed their afternoon. He sure as hell wasn’t getting in the pool. But even if he sat to the side and simply listened, it would still likely be the best day he’d had in several years. 

CJ’s home phone began to ring, but he paid no attention to it. Josh opened the door to the fridge and reached in, pausing only after the answering machine beeped.

“I’m done with the edits,” Toby’s voice came through without preamble. He was notorious for omitting phone greetings. “You should be proud of yourself, Donna. It’s excellent work.” He paused for a moment and Josh remained where he was standing, intrigued with what he was hearing. “You should send it to him,” Toby stated somewhat solemnly. “He’d be proud of you, too.”

Josh furrowed his brow, intrigued with the cryptic message, but knowing he would be out of line to ask about it. She probably didn’t even really want to spend the afternoon with him. He was sure he didn’t want to attempt to break the ice by questioning her after eavesdropping on a telephone message. Even if Donna wouldn’t have ripped him apart for it, he was sure CJ would.

Josh silently made his way outside to an out of the way spot in the shade, waiting first for his agents to clear the area and then retreat, giving him an ample amount of distance. He sat awkwardly on the side of the pool in a borrowed pair of Sam’s board shorts and a tshirt, hiding behind the designer sunglasses he’d worn for years. He scrolled through emails on his Blackberry, trying desperately to occupy his nervous energy. He hadn’t felt this out of place in ages. 

“You coming in?” Sam hoped his best friend would lighten up as a result of the prior night’s conversation, but that wasn’t the case. He’d been grouchy and standoffish since his arrival, and nothing seemed to be improving. 

“No,” Josh grumbled, adding nothing to his answer as he read through a neverending list of emails.

CJ and Danny floated around together on a double raft, snuggled comfortably next to each other as he read over her shoulder while she flipped through a magazine. Sam hung on the side of the pool, his body bobbing in the water as he sipped a beer. Donna, clad in her tiny blue bikini, floated around on an innertube, her feet dipping in the water and making the occasional small splash.

Josh glanced over from time to time, unable to avoid stealing glances at Donna. She was as gorgeous as she’d ever been and it was impossible for him to deny that he was still incredibly attracted to her. In addition to her obvious physical beauty, he also immediately noticed how comfortable she was in her own skin. She always had been, he knew, but he took the time to admire that particular trait as she floated around in the sunshine. 

While the conversation would normally have flowed easily, there was a lingering air of uncertainty between the group. 

The radio playing in the background came back from commercial break and Danny immediately groaned. “Their song is on again,” he told CJ, who immediately looked exasperated.

Josh took note of CJ’s words, curious as to what ‘their song’ was supposed to mean. 

Out of the corner of his eye Josh could see a smile creep across Donna’s face as she floated by. 

After a few quick opening notes Donna and Sam both picked up right on cue and began to enthusiastically belt every word.

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.  
I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.  
Oh, oh whoa  
Donna moved her shoulders to the rhythm, getting into the spirit of the song as she floated around.  
Josh stopped staring at the screen of his Blackberry, somewhat taken aback at the sound of the two of them singing in perfect, rehearsed harmony to what he was fairly sure was the cheesiest song he’d ever heard in his life.  
Do what you want, but you're never gonna break me.  
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me.  
No, oh whoa…  
Josh slowly turned his head to face the others in the pool, watching Sam and Donna with total amusement. As the chorus began Sam stood up from where he was leaning and Donna propped herself up on her tube.   
Take me away (take me away)  
A secret place (a secret place)  
A sweet escape (a sweet escape)  
Take me away (take me away)  
Sam belted the lyrics at the top of his lungs signing animatedly to Donna who brought in the harmony with equal enthusiasm. Josh’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline in surprise.   
As the song returned to the second verse both Sam and Donna returned to their resting positions and sang along at a moderate tempo, the ridiculous vocal performance returning with the next chorus.   
By the time the song was over Josh felt a smile beginning to tug at the crook of his mouth.   
“What in the hell was that?!” he asked with a chuckle.  
“That,” Sam announced, taking a sip of his beer, “was a flawless performance.”  
“We’ll be here all night,” Donna piped up with a smirk, kicking a small amount of water towards Josh with her foot.   
“I’m burning,” Sam announced, closely examining his arms. “And if I’m burning, I know Danny’s burning.”

“We should probably get dinner started anyway,” CJ concluded as they all slowly exited the pool and returned to the house. 

Josh stayed where he was as CJ, Sam and Danny stepped inside. Donna grabbed a towel and began to dry off, feeling the intense scrutiny of Josh’s gaze. It was the first time they’d been alone all day. 

"You don't have to stare at me like I'm broken," she started out, in a less than confident voice. 

"I'm not," he told her immediately, flustered at her suggestion in the first place. But truth be told, as much as he'd been admiring how beautiful and confident she'd looked, he couldn't help but notice the now fading scars bisecting her chest and running the length of her thigh. 

"They're not your fault, you know," she added tenderly, slipping into a sundress and pushing her sunglasses back up the bridge of her nose. 

He turned to look at her unsure of what to say. His immediate reaction was to shrug off her suggestion as absurd, but he couldn't find the words, his mouth opening slightly to try and say something- anything. 

"They're not," she told him again, her voice a bit softer this time. She moved closer to where he was seated, her hand running quickly through his hair in an attempt to convey her sincerity, her fingers lingering in the curls at the nape of his neck. "I need you to know that, Josh. I need you to know that it wasn't your fault."

He nodded his head slightly, in the most unconvincing show of agreement that Donna had ever seen. 

"You we're giving me what I asked for when you sent me on the CoDel. You were trusting me with something way above my pay grade. You didn't know the explosion was going to happen. There was no way you could have foreseen that. But do you know what you DID do?"

He glanced up at her, not trusting himself to speak. 

"You came to me," she told him, her voice barely above a whisper, immediately soothing him in a way that he longed to be familiar to him again. "And you stayed with me. And you comforted me. And there's no one else in the world who could have done that for me."

He swallowed the lump in his throat that had formed as he thought of the sight of her in that hospital bed. Of the scene in her hospital room when he'd returned to her with red roses and all the courage he could muster. Of her eyes, so scared, when she'd asked for him in the operating room. 

"So you don't get to blame yourself for what happened in Gaza, Joshua, and don't try to tell me that you don't. This is me. I know you better than that. Besides, I've been there too, you know. 8 years ago this August. I spent a lot of time wondering why I wasn't standing beside you, or in front of you if I could have. Why I wasn't there when you really needed me."

His head swung around to lock gazes with her, but she continued before he had a chance to speak. 

"But we're both on vacation today, and since I'm going to assume this is the first one you've taken in over a decade, I think you should enjoy it." She let that sit in the air between them for only a few moments before continuing. 

"Now," she extended her hand to him with a smile, "dinner is probably almost ready, and there's a good chance it will be awful, but let's go. I'd haven't had a real meal with my best friend in years. Besides... if it's inedible, I know you'll say something and then we can order Chinese."

Josh gave a soft smile, his first of the weekend, and stood, following her up the stairs for dinner.


	15. Crock Pots and These Women

Dinner had, indeed, been deemed inedible. The vote was quick, unanimous and punctuated by the screech of a smoke detector. Truth be told, they’d probably end up having to throw away CJ’s crock pot.

So, into the cars they piled, Sam and Josh in with the secret service and Donna hopping into the back seat of Danny’s vehicle. It was only a few moments before they were pulling into a parking spot in front of one of their favorite restaurants.

“What is this place,” Josh grumbled, looking around skeptically at the unassuming storefront. 

“It’s an authentic Italian restaurant,” Donna piped up from behind him with a huge smile on her face. “You’re going to love it.”

“What happened to ordering Chinese?” Josh whined. 

“This is better,” Donna remarked, cocking her head slightly and giving him a smile 

He looked at her quizzically but didn’t protest. “Whatever you say,” he smiled back at her, holding the door open for Donna and C.J. 

Sam cast a sideways glance towards him, wondering what sparked the complete change in Josh's demeanor. 

“Buonasera,” Donna greeted the owner. 

“Ah, bella Donna,” the woman smiled. “So good to see you.”

“Eat here much?” Josh smirked at her. 

“Marie,” Donna began again, “this is our friend Josh. He’s visiting from out of town.”

Marie examined Josh closely, as though he looked familiar. “You,” she pointed at him. “You’re that man! From the book.”

“Oh god.” Josh's anxiety spiked. 

Donna gently placed her hand on his elbow, continuing to speak with Maria. “Josh is the Chief of Staff to President Santos. You’re always saying how much you love the President,” she smiled at the older woman, never missing a beat. “Well, Josh is the man who got him elected. And as you can see, he sometimes has to travel with… company.” Donna glanced at the agents. “So we’d all be appreciative if we could have the table in the back. The one in the private room, by the back door. Would that be possible?”

“Of course,” the owner nodded, picking up a pile of menus and smiling warmly at Donna, though her gaze turned sour when she glanced back towards Josh once again. 

“I don’t know about this,” Josh admitted when they’d been seated. 

“It’s fine, Josh,” CJ reassured. “She’s not back there emailing Roll Call with a quote about how many bites of the antipasto the Chief of Staff did or did not eat.”

“She might be,” Josh retorted on instinct. He’d missed bickering with CJ. “And,” he glanced at the appetizer in front of him, “it would be a ‘did not eat’ on the anchovies.”

The whole table laughed, knowing all about Josh’s child like eating habits. 

“We don’t have to stay here,” Donna told him softly, sensing his very real fear about being the source of attention in public.

“Yeah,” Danny chimed in. “We can head back to the house with some carry out. There’s a great little deli on the corner.”

“Oh! And a raw food bar that does an excellent to go box right next door,” Sam chimed in, more than willing to accomodate Josh in this matter. 

“Nah,” he waved them off. For once, he just wanted a normal night with the people he cared about. He didn’t want to let politics to intervene. “It’s okay. This place looks pretty good. I’m excited to try it.”

“Okay, well now we KNOW you’re lying,” CJ laughed. 

Josh smiled too, touched by the sincerity of his friends. Maybe he wasn’t alone in this after all. 

Danny poured the wine and as they did before every meal, the four raised their glasses, Josh following along with the rest of them. 

“To family,” Sam announced, the five glasses clinking together.

“To family,” the rest of the table echoed. And for the first time in quite a white, they alI felt a step closer to being whole once again. 

The food and wine all flowed effortlessly, and the conversation turned from teasing to reminiscing. They recounted some of their favorite moments in the Bartlet White House and on the campaign trail, all of them getting worked up into a roaring laughter at several points. 

They passed the blame for PR blunders, smiling until it hurt over Josh’s run ins with the press corps, setting fires in the West Wing and losing panties at art shows. They’d all shied away from the rough patches over the last ten years, choosing to focus solely on the good.

“I’m chilly,” Donna noted offhandedly. Before anyone else even had a chance to react Josh stood and removed the light jacket he was wearing, placing it on her shoulders. 

“You’re a little sunburnt,” he told her, reaching out to gently touch her nose, which had turned light pink in the afternoon sun. “You’ve gotta be careful,” he told her sincerely, having to force himself to move away from her. 

His touch, however gentle, was electric. They stared at each other for a moment, as though they’d forgotten there was anyone else in the room. 

“It’s her alabaster skin,” Sam eventually piped in. 

“And the fact that they used the sunscreen you gave them that doesn’t work because you made it in your kitchen,” Danny amended, causing them all to laugh. 

CJ piped in with a story from the second campaign and off they went on another trip down memory lane. 

“All I’m saying,” Danny grinned, pouring another glass of wine for each of them as he continued his version of events leading up to Gail’s arrival in the West Wing, “is that I’m not sure I was supposed to know that Josh was referring to the children’s cracker. And eight years later I’m still cleaning an aquarium.” 

Josh leaned comfortably back in his chair, taking in the scene around him. Somewhere over the course of the last hour, he’d started to relax and even enjoy himself. He’d almost forgotten how that felt. 

He opened his mouth, ready to tell a little known story about Sam, a bottle of whiskey and a woman in Oklahoma who assured him he could line dance, but he was interrupted by his ringing Blackberry. 

He shifted sideways, pulling the phone from his pocket and glancing at the screen. 

“Work,” he muttered to the table, explaining and apologizing simultaneously. 

He was met with a round of understanding. 

“Go ahead.”

“Take it.”

“We understand,” Donna added with a soft smile. 

“Josh Lyman,” he answered curtly, stepping away from the table. Josh’s face went from one of amusement to concentration. They all knew what that meant. 

“Rocky,” he was back into business mode, nodding cryptically to his agent. It was only a moment before he was ushered out the back door into his vehicle. 

The four of them sat somewhat quietly, sipping their drinks while they waited for his return. 

“I don’t miss that,” CJ remarked. 

Only a few moments later an agent stepped back inside. “Mr. Lyman will be occupied for an extended duration,” Agent Perez stated. “He’s asked me to apologize for his abrupt departure and to inform Mr. Seaborn that he will be traveling back to the condo to monitor the developing situation. He’d also like to add that he will see you all tomorrow and that Ms. Moss should keep the jacket and make sure she puts some aloe on her nose before she goes to sleep.”

Donna blushed slightly and the four nodded their understanding, sad to see the end of the night, but completely aware of the fact that it was out of Josh’s control. They’d see him tomorrow. 

“He’s also taken care of the bill and wishes you a pleasant evening.” Agent Perez nodded politely and moved to exit through the back door. 

“Agent Perez!” Donna called our, grabbing a pen from her purse and jotting a note onto a napkin before folding it in half and handing it to him. “You’ll see that he gets that?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Agent Perez slipped into the front of the armored SUV and handed the napkin to Josh. 

Though he was in the middle of a heated conversation with the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs and the commander of the free world, he flipped the napkin over and smiled softly, shifting his focus to what he immediately recognized to be her distinctive penmanship. 

Thanks for dinner. Do good in there.

He’d do his best. Just for her.


	16. The Home Team

On Sunday morning, Josh and Sam pulled into CJ’s driveway right on time, Josh’s detail following behind them in the black SUV.

Sam hopped out and began to walk towards the front door of CJ’s house, located around the stone wall and up a few stairs past the gate. 

“You think she’s in there?” Josh asked Sam, pointing to the guest house. 

“I’d assume,” Sam nodded.

“DONNA!” Josh shouted from where he was standing. “GET DOWN HERE! NOW!”

He had to admit he was anxious to see her again. Once they’d resolved a small issue in Kazakhstan the night prior, he’d changed his return ticket to DC to the latest flight he could find, dead set to spend the whole day with his friends. He was finally feeling like himself again. He was happy and content amongst his friends. He’d forgotten what that was like. 

It was only a few moments before a familiar voice came over the stone wall.

“Keep your pants on, Joshua! I’m on my way.”

“And you better not be wearing Dodger Blue!” Josh shouted for good measure. Sam rolled his eyes, but he was glad to see that maybe those two were getting back on track again. Josh was practically a different person from the man that stepped off the plane at LAX three days prior. 

A few moments later, Donna came out the front door and locked up behind her, dressed in a small pair of shorts and a blue tank top. Josh thought she looked incredible, with her easy beauty and her hair moving gently in the breeze. He’d always been attracted to her, but at this point he was trying not to drool. 

“Agh, Donna,” he complained, trying to mask his real thoughts. “You’re cheering for the Dodgers now?”

“They’re the home team! They’re not even playing the Mets today, Josh.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Josh didn’t miss a beat. “It’s sacrilege.” 

She rolled her eyes and gave him a familiar smile, glad to see that he was acting like his old self again today, as she climbed into the back seat of Sam’s car.

“I still can’t believe you bought this thing,” Josh looked around the vehicle as the convertible top folded itself neatly into the trunk. “It’s a girls car.”

“It’s a high end sports car.”

“Maybe. But it doesn’t change the fact that it is marketed primarily to women. Is there an actual spare tire in the trunk or is it just sewing notions?”

“And you ask because you’d know what to do if we had a flat tire?” Sam was giving as good as he was getting. 

“Hey, at least I can drive a stick. Did you have to take driving lessons before your mid life crisis?”

“NO!” Sam was defensive. “Donna taught me,” he added in a soft voice. 

Josh burst into laughter. “I can’t wait to tell Toby about that.”

“Do you even HAVE a license? Or do you just pay for a luxury sedan to sit in front of your condo like an expensive lawn ornament?”

"Please,” Donna chimed in from the back seat. “Like either of you can boast of superior driving skills. You--" she pointed to Sam "-- grew up here in the land of sunshine. You have no idea how to drive in weather. And you--" she pointed to Josh '"-- might have grown up in New England but you have spent more time being chauffeured around than any grown man should admit.”

Both of them muttered defensive responses under their breath, knowing they’d been put in their places. 

“Now, are you two going to bicker about cars or are you going to drive me to the Dodgers game?”

Sam put the car into drive and Josh immediately shouted, “Wait!”

“What?”

“Donna’s not buckled,” Josh stated, as though it was obvious. 

“I just need to get my sunglasses,” she informed him, leaning over Josh to reach for the glove compartment. 

“Donna?” He gulped, when her tank top grazed against his cheek as she strained to reach, her body practically laying across him. 

“Hmm?” She grabbed the sunglasses and turned to look at him. 

“Nothing,” he muttered. 

Donna sat back down into the back seat. 

Out of the corner of his eye Josh caught Sam giving him a knowing smile, eyebrow raised. 

“Yeah,” Sam snarked. “Nothing.”

“Shut up,” Josh mumbled at him, his face turning a little red. 

“You okay now?” Sam asked Josh, still grinning. 

“Look, I don’t like the idea of her riding back there with no roof,” Josh said in an outburst. “I’m not going to let you start driving down the freeway when she doesn’t even have a seatbelt on.”

Sam was a little bit taken aback. “Oh. Alright. Well, buckle up, Donna.”

But Donna knew where this was all coming from. He’d never forgiven himself for sending her on the CoDel. He’d made that much obvious the day before. And he was worried about her safety. It was sweet, really. She sat back and buckled her belt, reaching forward with her hand to give his shoulder a soft squeeze, hoping he wouldn’t be worked up. 

“Mr. Seaborn?” An agent from the trail vehicle approached the still parked vehicle. “I’m sorry, we’re not going to be able to let you have the roof open on the way to the Stadium.”

“Oh.” Sam’s face fell. 

“As a matter of fact we’re going to have to ask to you to reconsider riding in the SUV with us, Sir,” the agent continued to speak to Josh. 

“Why? Is something wrong?” Donna could hardly hide the panic creeping into her voice, her hand reflexively moving towards Josh,softly pinching the fabric of his t-shirt between her fingers, as though that simple maneuver would shelter him from the wrath of the outside world. 

“No, Ma’am,” the agent assured her. “But we’re going to require that he approach the stadium in our vehicle so we can use a secure entrance. The two of you are welcome to drive separately though,” the agent told Donna and Sam. “But, Sir, I’m afraid this is non negotiable.”

“Fine,” Josh sighed, unclicking his seatbelt. He didn’t want this conversation to go the same way as it had two days prior. “But if I’m in the safety of a bulletproof suburban, so you are. Gather your things, Miss Daisy. We’ll all ride together.”

Sam pulled the soft top back onto the car and locked up as Josh and Donna moved towards the secret service’s vehicle. 

Josh paused, realizing what he was asking her to do. Even he didn’t like the place where his mind went at the thought of Donna in a black suburban. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have suggested that you do this.”

“It’s okay, Josh,” she followed his logic. “I’m alright,” she assured him. “Really.”

She climbed inside of the open door and the three of them seated themselves in the back, Donna squeezed in between Josh and Sam. 

“I’m sorry about all of this,” Josh remarked, referencing his detail and his new normal.

“No, you’re not,” Sam smirked.

“You’re right,” Josh didn’t miss a beat, glad that Donna was secure beside him. “I’m not.”

“Thunder en route,” An agent spoke into his wrist as the vehicle began to head towards the stadium. 

“Thunder, huh?” Donna nudged him and arched an eyebrow suggestively, causing Josh to turn a little pink in the face. 

“They have to give us new code names when he administration changes,” Josh explained, though he had to admit “Thunder” wouldn’t have been his first choice.

“I want a code name,” Donna pouted. “I want to be Lightening.”

“Where there’s thunder there’s lightning,” Josh quipped, surprising even himself with the comment.

“Hey!” Sam piped up. “That’s not fair. I want to be Lightning!”

“You have a code name, Princeton,” Donna commented.

“Yeah, but Josh just said they give new ones for new administrations.”

“You could have had one,” Josh chimed in, but Sam ignored the dig at his decision to decline Josh’s deputy job. “And it’s not too late,” Josh added, giving Sam a pointed look when Donna wasn’t paying close attention. 

“I should be Lightning,” Sam said with confidence. “We’re like a team of superheroes or something. Thunder and Lightning.” 

Donna couldn’t help but to smile at Sam’s comment, finding his friendship with Josh both amusing and adorable. Days of those two being “da man” flashed into her mind and made her smile. 

“I thought you were Robin,” Josh noted. 

“Robin?” Donna questioned, looking between them.

“Yeah,” the story was coming back to Josh with more clarity. “You’re Robin to Toby’s Batman.”

“That was never formally agreed upon.” Sam still wanted to be Batman.

“Okay, and just to reiterate,” Josh interjected, “these aren’t actual code names. I mean, mine is, but you two are just making things up.”

This fact didn’t deter either of them. There was only a beat of silence in the back seat of the vehicle.

“Well, what am I going to be called?” Donna looked back and forth between them expectantly.

“Sunshine?” Josh chimed in, thinking of her warmth.

“She should be Rainbow,” Sam suggested. “Because God knows she’s the best thing about dealing with you.”

Josh’s eyes bugged out a bit. While Sam wasn’t wrong, it was a bold statement to make. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, not sure what to say, but the more he thought about it, the more the idea grew on him.

Donna blushed slightly as a gentle hush fell over the car. 

“Yeah,” Josh smiled sincerely, looking at her with affection. “I like that.”

The SUV pulled into a private entrance to Dodger Stadium where the three were immediately ushered inside and to their suite where CJ and Danny were waiting. 

Sam, Josh and Danny each grabbed a beer and headed towards the food amenities while CJ hung back with Donna. 

“So, How was brunch with Todd and Janice?” 

“Boring,” CJ remarked candidly, looking through the mini fridge. “They’re always so… yeah, no, boring is the right word.”

Donna laughed outright. 

“I don’t know why we think we need to be friends with them,” CJ continued. “People say we need ‘couple friends’ but I don’t really know what that’s supposed to mean. If we wanted to overpay for a waffles with two other people we’d take you and Spanky to Disneyland.”

The girls moved to the snack table, examining the contents. 

“How was the ride over,” CJ changed the subject.

“It was fine,” Donna noted with a smile, trying to remain neutral as she stared out the glass front of the box towards Josh. “He seems like he’s getting back to his normal self again.” 

“Yes,” CJ smirked. “You always seem to have that effect on him.”

“Ceej!” Donna was caught off guard by the comment. She’d spent so many of their White House years convincing herself that she was imagining things, and today everyone seemed to be making off handed comments like they were normal. She didn't know how to react.

“WELL,” CJ gave a half retort. “You do!”

Donna shook her head as Danny and Josh reemerged, heading straight for the buffet line. They were all in and out, eating and drinking, chatting and laughing throughout the game. Donna and CJ, for the most part, enjoying the air conditioned suite. 

Eventually, Donna wandered outside to the the seats to join the guys, CJ following behind her. 

Josh was situated towards the back of the small rows of stadium seats, sunglasses on his face and his hat pulled down. Donna felt a pang in her heart, knowing he was desperate to hide from unwanted attention from the media. 

He’d never been one to shrink from a fight, but this was different, and she knew it. This was personal. Her mind flashed to a similar time, and she couldn’t help but to think of how miserable he was when he was under attack after Carrick’s defection. And this, she could easily see, was infinitely worse than that.

She slid into the chair beside him, getting comfortable and propping her feet up on the empty seatback in front of her. “What’s the score?”

“4-1 Cubs. Dodgers are up, one out. Number Eight, here,” Josh gestured towards the player at bat, “he’s a good hitter, he’s averaging about .275 over the last two years, but he’s got a bad knee, so unless he hits it out of the park he’s not going to make it to first base.”

She looked over at him and took the beer out of his hand. “You’re kind of a freak. You know that right?” She took a drink.

“Because I know what’s going on in a baseball game?”

“Because,” she emphasized the first word, handing his beer back, “with all of the things you have on your plate, you still know the batting average and injury status of baseball players that aren’t even on your favorite team.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I scan the sports section if I’m stuck in traffic on the way to the office. So sue me.”

She grinned, loving his cocky nonchallance, and they both turned their attention back to the field, sitting in a comfortable silence for a brief moment.

“When Jimmy Pearsall hit his 100th home run in 1963, he ran the bases in the correct order but facing backward to celebrate,” she stated out of the blue.

He slowly turned his head to look at her, a smirk already crawling across his face. “Yeah,” he teased. “And I’m the strange one.”

She just grinned back at him. And for a moment, it was just like old times. 

Sam soon sank into a chair on her other side, rambling on about the corporate takeover of America’s favorite pastime as a pharmaceutical conglomerate announced the sponsorship of the seventh inning stretch. It was only a few moments before he was deep in conversation about baseball season with Josh, and Donna was content to simply listen to them bicker about who would make the playoffs and toss in a bit of inane trivia every once in a while.

Josh couldn’t help but to wonder if this was simply what their lives were like now. Days filled with friends and laughter, just as the whole weekend had been. Had they separated work and their home lives? Had they eliminated all of the excess stressors from their lives? He watched them relax and enjoy their day, genuinely glad to see them all living this way. He’d practically forgotten that happiness had once been an option for him, too.

He may have finally made it to the top, but the view was pretty damn lonely.


	17. Life Throws A Curveball

The game wrapped up with a loss for the Dodgers and the five friends gathered their belongings to head to their vehicles. 

CJ and Danny said their goodbyes to Josh, who had to head to the airport for his flight back to DC. He hugged them both as they headed to their vehicle, needing to run a few errands before heading home.

Sam, Josh and Donna squeezed back into the Secret Service’s vehicle to drop Donna at home and Sam at his car. 

The game had run long due to a rain delay in the bottom of the eighth, and traffic leaving the stadium was notoriously awful. The freeways were backed up as well, causing the suburban to inch along slowly in the night.

Sam and Josh, off on a tangent about the finer points of the Uncertainty Principle, were deep into a conversation when Donna began to nod off in the middle seat. Josh watched her out of the corner of his vision, her head tilting slightly to the side to rest on her shoulder as her eyelids fluttered closed and her breathing started to even out. 

Josh lowered his voice, watching her rest peacefully. It was only a few moments before her body slowly slid sideways, her head coming to rest on his shoulder 

“All I’m saying-” Josh stopped mid sentence as she made contact with him. He’d lost all train of thought. He paused for a moment, frozen. Five years ago, he wouldn’t have blinked if Donna fell asleep leaning into him. It was just a normal part of their world. And no one around them would have thought twice about it either, but now, he wasn’t sure how to react. He continued to study her. He remembered the signs, she was on the verge of sleep. In a moment, she’d be completely out.

He shifted slightly moving his arm to the back of the seat behind her and opening his body to her ever so slightly.

“Mmmm,” she shifted, burrowing in closer to him and sighing contentedly. 

He enjoyed her warmth, her familiar smell, and before he knew it he’d placed his hand on her arm, his thumb softly grazing back and forth across her soft skin. Meanwhile, her hand stole up his leg and rested on his thigh. Suddenly, he was on high alert, looking to Sam in confusion about what to do.

But Sam simply nodded once and smiled softly. He had no qualms whatsoever about the scene in front of him. At least in her sleep Donna was showing Josh that she still trusted him, that she still cared. If only Josh would just accept it, Sam thought, maybe there would still be hope for them.

The two rode in relative silence for the forty minute drive back to CJ’s house, Donna waking as the car pulled to a stop. She lifted her head, blinking a few times before sitting straight up.

“Sorry,” she mumbled a somewhat embarrassed apology to Josh for napping on him for the duration of the ride.

“S’okay,” he said with gentle sincerity.

Sam opened the door to the vehicle and stepped out, the dome light causing them all to blink and spring into action, crawling out of the car. 

The stood next to the vehicle for a brief moment, somewhat awkwardly. 

“Well,” Josh began, his hands in his pockets. “Thanks for letting me crash your weekend.”

Donna smiled. “We’re all glad you did.” 

“Thanks for coming, buddy,” Sam added, moving in and giving Josh a hug and a few claps on the back. Once the two had parted, Donna moved in to wrap her arms around him and say goodbye.

Josh’s Blackberry rang, his pager immediately let out a piercing chirp, as someone was incessantly trying to capture his attention. 

“I’ll call them back,” he grumbled, clicking the button to send the call to voicemail. It was only a second before the cell phone and pager were on full blast once again.

“You better get that,” Donna told him, knowing it had to be important. 

“Yeah.” Josh’s heart sank, but he knew she was right. “Josh Lyman,” he growled into his cell phone. “Sorry,” he offered to Sam and Donna.

“It’s okay, we understand,” she stated softly, touching his bicep. “It was good to see you,” Donna whispered so she didn’t interrupt his call, the statement sounding rather trite as it came out of her mouth.

“Sir,” Rocky interrupted, opening the door to the backseat and immediately irritating Josh. 

Josh nodded goodbye to Sam, giving Donna a forlorn look as he stepped into the car, the door closing behind him. 

Josh watched out the window while his car pulled away, as Sam gave Donna a goodnight kiss on the cheek and she climbed the stairs towards the house. 

He was barely even gone and he already felt alone. He tried to focus on his call, primarily listening to the rundown of the developing situation in Kazakhstan. He’d given his agreement to the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs recommendation to the President’s and ended the call. He sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the city lights go by before he knew there was no avoiding about it. 

“Can you- Can you just turn around, please?” He spoke to the agents in the front seat. “Take me back just for a few minutes.”

“Sir?” The agents were thrown off.

“We’ve got the time,” Josh rationalized, knowing he’d be whisked through security anyway. “It won’t take long. Just turn around.”

“Yes, sir.” The SUV took the next exit and re entered the freeway. 

Josh tried, for the duration of the ride, to determine what he was going to say say. And even when he exited the vehicle and followed his agent up the side stairs to Donna’s casita, he wasn’t sure how to explain his presence. 

He stood behind Rocky as the agent knocked, not bothering to mask his true feelings of vulnerability as Donna opened the door and met his eyes. 

“Hi,” she told him softly, stepping out into the night in and oversized sweatshirt and a pair of pajama shorts as Rocky stepped away to an appropriate distance and turned his back for privacy.

Josh still wasn’t sure where to begin. Though they’d made significant progress over the weekend, and seeing her had healed his soul in a way he didn’t even know she could, he also knew they had a long way to go.

He stepped forward and hesitantly opened his arms to her. She moved closer, enveloping him. Her arms wrapped around his neck as his hold on her tightened and he buried his face in her hair. He was trying to absorb her. He’d missed her so much it physically hurt him. And though he’d done his best to block those thoughts out for the past three years, he didn’t want to avoid them anymore. 

She fit into his arms as though she was made for him. The words never came so he simply held her. Eventually her hands traveled to the nape of his neck, intertwining in his curls as she began to gently sway. 

He was certain he could have stayed there forever, content in her embrace. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He knew he had to let her go and get on a flight back to DC. 

He pulled away slightly, looking at her and moving to kiss her gently on the forehead. “Goodbye,” he whispered softly in her ear.

She cupped his cheek and gave him a soft smile. “Bye, Josh. Don’t be a stranger.”

Josh knew if he said anything at all he’d completely break down. He returned her smile and gently nodded his head. And with that, he was gone.


	18. Between the Sinners and the Saints

Josh sat in his office, trying to plow through the piles of things that had built up while he was gone. Though he’d been assured a vacation would be good for him, he couldn’t help but to notice that his grand plan to relax was in fact having the opposite effect on him now. 

For all of the time he’d spent in California, trying to relax and get back to his old self, he’d been thrown right back into the hectic craze of DC life the minute his flight touched down at Dulles.

In fact, once back at the office, he’d lost all concept of time until Ed and Larry burst through the door. 

Damn it! He wondered why he even had an assistant? Come to think of it, did he have an assistant? He hadn’t checked in the last hour, and quite frankly it was anybody’s guess these days.

“What do you want?” He barked at them.

“Uh... you told us to come at 2.”

“The Childhood Nutrition Bill is going to the floor tomorrow. You wanted to work through the votes again, put pressure on the Whip.”

“Right. Let’s go.” He punched the speaker on his phone, dialing Ronna. The President was out of the Oval for the time being and he knew she’d handle what he needed without requiring a ten minute explanation of how to reach the offices of the Congressmen in question. “Get me Perkins, Riley and Watson on the phone in that order.”

He hung up before she could remind him that he did, in fact, have an assistant who could place the calls for him. 

“You two- I need you to set up a meeting with the WLC and Ernie Gambelli.”

“Alright,” Ed jot a note on his pad. “And then what?”

“And then what?” Josh was already in a mood. “And then I need you to push this through! What do you mean, ‘and then what?’” He slammed a stack of file folders down and reached for the binder he used to track headcounts for votes, yanking it over to where he was sitting. He was losing his cool over nothing and he knew it but he didn’t bother to keep himself in check. 

“How long have you two worked in this White House? Ten years?”

Neither responded. They were fairly used to this kind of behavior from Josh these days. 

“Well after ten years in this town I would think you’d be able to handle the damn whip count on a Childhood Nutrition Bill! WHY is it that I’m having to use leverage to avoid a floor fight on a bill that should have sailed through! Last time I checked you two were responsible for the simple task of making sure there weren’t so many riders on this thing that OUR OWN PARTY wouldn’t vote for it!”

“Josh, we-”

“No! I can’t even take a long weekend before everything goes straight to hell around here!” He was flying off the rails and he knew it. “I mean, for god's sake, do I have to get shot in the chest in order to get a few days off?”

Ed and Larry’s shocked expressions brought him back to reality. He realized only then that he was standing up behind his desk, his breathing more labored than it should have been. He stopped and checked himself. He wasn’t too far gone to remember Stanley’s advice. This wasn’t an episode. He was just pissed. But Ed and Larry wouldn’t know that. 

He cleared his throat and glanced at his deputies. “Just, uh, give me a few minutes, guys.”

They filed out and he sank back into his chair with a sigh, running his hands through his hair. He glanced over towards his phone. He always had the same reaction in incidents such as this, but today his urge to call her was amplified by the fact that he knew where she was, and that she’d actually take his call. At the same time, he didn’t want to call her in this mood. He didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize the little progress they’d made over the weekend. 

He stood, loosening his tie and locking the door to his outer office before backing up against the wall. He’d learned how to manage on his own, though admittedly he was just barely scraping by these days. 

He closed his eyes and attempted to count his breathing, his head still spinning. He just couldn’t shut down lately. 

He’d been back in DC for three days, but he couldn’t seem to stop thinking about his impromptu mini-vacation. Though he’d long lived for the adrenaline of a well matched political fight, more and more he’d been thinking of sunny days by the pool and slow paced dinners. He wanted what his friends had in LA. 

But he didn’t want to give up his role in the Santos Administration. They were on the verge of changing the world, and he still had a role to play. And on days like this he felt as though that role was more vital than ever. 

He knew what everyone thought of him; they saw him as an ill tempered egomaniac. But the truth was that he knew the world would keep turning without him. And President Santos would still leave his mark on history even if Josh didn’t remain in the office next door to The Oval. 

But damn it, he still wanted to be a part of it. He’d worked his whole life for this moment. How could he possibly walk away now?

But now more than ever, he knew that there was more to life than just work. Even if “work” was making the world a better place. And he wanted that part of life, too.

It wasn’t just an abstract concept anymore. For the better part of the last 4 years he’d known exactly what he’d wanted. He just didn’t know how to make it a reality. 

He wanted Donna in his life. End of story. But how could she possibly want the same thing? He’d given her no reason to want him in any capacity. The concept seemed completely out of his reach. 

At this point, he’d settle for an amicable friendship with her, and perhaps a few more weekends in California with the people he cared about. Even that seemed an unattainable goal from where he sat right now, though. 

But perhaps there was still time, he told himself. He could go back to his desk. He could accomplish something. Something that would endure. Something that would make them all see him for who he really was. 

He knew what was coming though. For everything he good he could possibly accomplish this week, for every step forward, he’d take two massive steps backwards on Friday when Hellhound hit the shelves.

The press was going to crucify him, there was no doubt about that. 

“Mr. Lyman?” an unfamiliar voice interrupted his thoughts with a knock on his locked office door. “Mr. Lyman you’re needed downstairs.”

“I’ll be right there,” be practically growled towards the door to the woman he could only assume was his new assistant. He pulled on his suit jacket, took a deep breath, and head towards the situation room.

He’d keep his head in the game and weather the storm. He just hoped he’d make it through to the other side. 

After Josh had been in the situation room practically all night, his back aching and his head pounding when he’d finally made it back to his office. He shrugged out of his jacket and removed his tie, toeing off his shoes and flipping out the lights. He’d try for an hour of sleep on the couch in his office before taking on the day. 

He settled in, trying to get as comfortable as possible. The blinking red light on his cell phone caught his attention in the dark room and Josh reached out, flipping it open and dialing to retrieve his message.

“What the hell is this,” he grumbled, entering his password and holding the phone to his ear. As soon as he heard her voice a soft smile crawled across his face, his eyes closing as his stress level immediately started to lower. 

“Hey,” she began softly. “It’s me… Donna. I, I just, um… Listen, I had a great time last weekend. And I’m sure you’re busy, you’re always busy,” she laughed nervously. “But could you call me back? There’s something I’d like to talk to you about.” She paused briefly. “It’s not an emergency,” she added, knowing his tendency to assume the worst at all times. “I’m fine, Sam’s fine, we’re all fine. Just, wanted to, uh, talk to you about… a thing. Anyway, have a, um, have a great day. Bye.” 

Though the message was cryptic at best, he listened to it twice just to hear the sound of her voice. 

Checking the time, he told himself he’d call her back at a more reasonable hour. She needed her sleep, and he knew that he’d end up with an earful from her if he called her at 4:30 in the morning after a night in the sit room. 

He dozed for a few hours, tossing and turning, before giving up and downing a can of Red Bull before Senior Staff. He was still down a deputy, as if things weren’t busy enough already. 

The morning flew by and instead of lunch Josh simply downed two cups of coffee. He’d had a ten minute gap between his meetings with the Secretary of Labor and Nancy McNally, but he didn’t want to just squeeze a call to Donna in between meetings. He’d call her that night when he went home, he decided. It would still be a reasonable hour on the west coast and, with any luck, they’d both have time to talk. 

Josh went back to his reading, trying to power through. For the first time in this administration, he had a reason to look forward to the end of the day. 

“He’s available?” The familiar voice seeped through his door. 

“I’m sorry. He’s not to be interrupted.”

“No, you don’t understand. I need to speak with him right now.”

Josh raised his head from his reading, listening to the conversation taking place in his outer office. “It’s alright. Charlie, you can come in,” he announced. 

It was only a moment before Charlie was through the door, grabbing the remote off of Josh’s desk and clicking on the TV.

“What’s going on?” Josh was looking around, wondering where the proverbial fire was.

“America Today on CNN,” Charlie told him, flipping through the channels. “They have a quote about Hellhound from Donna Moss.”

“Donna?” His voice cracked a bit.

“Yeah,” Charlie continued. “From last Thursday, I guess. You know anything about this?”

“No,” Josh barely responded, the fear rising inside of him. Last Thursday? His heartbeat quickened and he felt a tightening in his chest. She gave the quote before their weekend together? And she didn’t say anything? 

The television had his undivided attention. He was fairly certain that it had the rest of the country’s attention, too.

This must have been what she’d called about yesterday. Maybe it had been a good thing that he hadn’t returned the call yet. At least now he’d be on the same playing field.

He stood, focused on the screen, Charlie surveying him closely before stepping outside and closing the door to allow Josh some privacy. 

The anchor behind the news desk continued her narrative into the camera, a graphic displaying the cover of Hellhound floating to the side of the screen.

He took a deep breath, knowing the rest of the world was watching with him. 

“Though Moss initially declined to comment, she eventually stated that while she has not read the book, she doesn’t believe claims being made by the still anonymous author, even going so far as to call Hellhound ‘baseless slander.’

When asked if she intended to purchase the book upon its release, Moss stated that she didn’t make a habit of reading fiction. She went on to say that she already knows everything she needs to about Lyman. ‘He’s a good man. The best man I know,’ she told The Times, ‘and a brilliant politician. He’s the brightest political mind of our time and he’s made extraordinary sacrifices for the betterment of our country. We’re lucky to have him serving the American people.’” 

In the high rise office building, Sam kissed Donna softly on the cheek and held her as she sobbed.

In the comfort of their home, Danny wrapped his arms around CJ, who stood stoic with pride. 

In a farm house in New Hampshire, Abbey Bartlet reached out to hold Jed’s hand as the former President nodded in agreement. 

In an apartment in New York City, Toby Ziegler raises a glass and added a soft, “hear, hear.”

And in the White House, the Chief of Staff put his hand gently over his heart while silent tears ran down his cheeks.


	19. The Gaggle

The sunglasses may have been overkill. She could admit that much. But she felt better slipping them on.

Digging for her car keys and zipping the top of her bag closed, she readied herself to step outside. There had been more than a few reporters requesting comment from her about Hellhound since the appearance of her statement to Taylor Vaughn on the prior evening’s political commentary show. She’d made the first credible statement regarding Josh and the book, and now the media wanted more from her. 

She stepped out of the library and made it halfway to her car before she was approached the first time, muttering a hasty ‘no comment’ as she continued to walk briskly, head down, arms tight to her body. 

She was relieved when she made it off of campus and into her office without incident, but leaving that evening would be a different story and she knew it. She could already see the press gathered on the sidewalk, waiting for her. 

“Knock, knock.” 

She turned to see Sam and Danny in the doorway, and suddenly this all felt a bit more manageable. 

“We’ve come to whisk you away,” Danny announced. 

“Oh?”

“I’m going to drive you home,” Sam assured her. “I parked in the secure garage in the basement today, which, since were on the subject, is where you’ll be parking with my pass until further notice. Danny will follow us home in your car and tell the press outside the lobby to back off. Nobody’s going to bother you on our watch, Donna.”

She smiled weakly, gathering her belongings. “Thanks, guys.”

Sam lead her to his car, parked securely in the gated garage, and discreetly pulled out the back exit to drive her home. Donna sat in silence as she stared blankly out the window, her hands folded neatly in her lap. 

“You okay?” Sam glanced at her as he drove. He knew what was on her mind. He’d been thinking about it too.

Donna sighed. She didn’t even know where to start.

“I’m worried about him.”

“I know you are. We all are, but he can handle it. What about you?”

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine. Is it the press? They’ll eventually give up. And in the meantime Danny, CJ and I will make sure they give you a wide berth.”

“It’s not the press. I can deal with that.”

“Then what is it?”

Sam looked over at her, staring at her face. She looked so forlorn, her mind obviously somewhere else entirely. He decided to take a chance--

“Donna? Are you in love with Josh?”

She couldn’t find the words, a ragged breath the only sound escaping her lips. 

“Donna?” he tried again.

“I let him back in, Sam,” Donna admitted in a voice barely audible.

“Donna,” Sam spoke softly. “I think we both know you’ve never stopped loving him.”

It was the first time he’d been so bold as to come right out and say it.

Donna slowly moved her gaze over to meet his. Sam immediately saw the pain she wore on her face, eyes red and brimming with unshed tears as she bit her lip. At least, he thought, she wasn’t denying it. That was a step in the right direction. 

He didn’t want to push. He knew better than that- especially now, when she seemed overwhelmed anyway. But he wasn’t going to standby anymore. He’d think of something. He was sure of it. 

Sam pulled into CJ’s driveway, Danny directly behind them. “Wait here,” he told her. “I’ll come around for you.”

She nodded her understanding and only a moment later Sam was opening the door for her, placing his arm around her shoulders and walking her protectively to the front door.

“Donna!” A reporter shouted at her from the sidewalk. “Is Josh Lyman spiraling out of control?”

She ignored him, Sam picking up the pace and giving her arm a soft squeeze of support.

“Is the Chief of Staff a womanizer?” Someone shouted, causing Donna to furrow her brow. 

“What was the nature of your relationship with your boss,” another report chimed in. 

“Keep walking,” Sam told her, cutting straight across the front lawn. “We’re almost there.” 

As soon as they stepped foot on the front stairs, CJ opened the door and ushered them inside, immediately taking Donna’s bag and wrapping her in a hug. “You look like you could use a glass of wine,” she quipped, trying to lighten the mood. 

Donna gave her a somewhat forced smile as she slipped onto a barstool in the kitchen. “Sure.”

“You can’t let this get to you,” CJ told her. “It will go away. Maybe not tomorrow or the day after that. But it WILL go away.” 

Donna simply shrugged her shoulders. She couldn’t believe this was happening.

“Donna, you’re the first reputable person outside of the White House Communications Department to comment, so it’s not unreasonable to assume that there will be… additional inquiries,” Danny added. “Some of which, may be more aggressive than others. CJ and I will do the best we can with our press connections to get them to back off, but there’s, unfortunately, only so much we can do.”

Donna bit her lip and nodded her understanding. The last thing she wanted was to lend this book, this whole situation, any merit. 

“We’ll be here for you, Donna,” Sam assured. “You don’t have to do any of this alone. You don’t have to go anywhere alone for a few days. I can pick you up for work and run errands with you. That way, if a reporter approaches you, you won’t be cornered.”

“That’s right,” CJ joined in. “I have light mornings the next few days. I can go to class with you if you’d like.”

“And I can drop you off and pick you up so you don’t have to walk so far from the student parking lot,” Danny offered.

“That’s sweet of you guys, really. But it’s not necessary. I’ll be fine. I’m not going to hide away. I’m going to handle it head on.” A sad smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. “After all, I did learn from the master on that one.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Sam grinned. 

“It’s going to be fine,” CJ assured. They’d all had plenty of practice with situations such as this, and they we’re all more than willing to go to bat for their friends if that’s what needed to happen.

“It’s just that I shouldn’t have said anything. I know better. I should have stayed out of it.”

“Donna, it’s all going to be okay,” CJ reassured. 

“I’d never hurt him. I just, said it. And all of the sudden I was on the record.”

“Donna,” Danny interrupted. “None of us think that you’d do anything damaging to Josh. In fact, what you said only helped him. And I know it you spoke the words that all of us were thinking when you made that comment. We just want you to be prepared for what could potentially come next.”

She nodded her head in sincere gratitude. “Thanks, guys.” 

Now, she thought, standing up and excusing herself as she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket, for the hard part, she thought, dialing her phone and holding it to her ear. He picked up in the midst of a flurry of activity on the second ring, stepping immediately into his office to take her call. 

Their conversation was somewhat strained to begin with, but they slowly found their rhythm. They talked about little of substance to start out, but both of them felt the presence of the elephant in the room. 

The momentary lull in the conversation provided Donna with her opportunity, and she took it. She didn’t want to lose her nerve.

“I’m sorry,” she told him. “Josh, I- God, I’m just so sorry. I know Lou and your press people probably had a strategy for dealing with this whole thing. I didn’t mean to get in the way of that. That reporter just caught me off guard and I didn’t mean to get in the way of any strategy you guys were implementing to fight this thing. It’s just that it makes me absolutely crazy to think that some nameless, cowardly talking head is coming after you like this. It’s not fair. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

He gave a self deprecating smile on his end of the phone. “You’re sorry? Are you kidding me?”

“I- No?”

“Donna, what could you possibly have to be sorry about? That line, what you said, that’s the nicest thing anyone’s said about me in years.” Last night, he’d pulled up the article on his Blackberry and read it twice on the way home. When he’d first heard it on the news, he’d practically been unable to believe his ears as he heard her praise. As he read through it twice, he’d quickly convinced himself it was likely the result of a strategy session with CJ, but it still felt good to know she’d said that about him. His friends cared about him enough to have a plan. It was something to cling to in the darkness. 

“You’re good at spin, Donna. You’re doing a better job of it than the people that work for me, as a matter of fact. I should be the one apologizing to you. I hate that they’re dragging you into this. It's completely uncalled for.” 

He was sorry for much more than the inconvenience that Hellhound was causing for himself and everyone associated with him in any way, but at this moment he was only concerned about Donna and what he was putting her through. He could only bring himself to tackle one issue at a time. 

“Spin?” The word set her mind racing. He thought she was spinning for him? Didn’t he realize that she thought the world of him? She couldn’t leave it like that, so she summoned her courage, “Josh, I’m not spinning for you,” she ventured. She’d spoken from the heart. 

He didn’t catch on to the hurt in her voice, he was too happy simply to have her taking to him again.

“I know that,” he continued, talking a mile a minute. He didn’t want her to think he was throwing the job he didn’t give her in her face. “And I’d never ask you to.”

“Oh.” Her voice dropped. Once again she’d assumed that he wanted more from her than he did. He didn’t want her to defend him, he wanted her to shut up. Well, that’s the least she could do for him, so certainly, she would. She’d do anything she could to help. 

At his silence, she was uncomfortable again, but she tried to end the call on a positive note, “Well, if there’s anything any of us CAN do, just ask. We’re all here for you.” 

He was disappointed that the call was coming to a close, but so glad for the few minutes they’d shared. For just a moment or two, it had been like old times. It refreshed him.

“Thanks, Donna, I do appreciate that.” 

“Of course.”

He paused for a minute. Should he tell her how much he hoped to talk to her again soon? He didn’t want to appear too needy. But before he could decide, she was ready to go.

“Have a good night, Josh.”

“Goodnight, Donnatella.” He responded softly. The call had been good, but there was a knot in his stomach. Tomorrow the book would be released, and he just hoped she’d still care for him in the morning.


	20. Release The Hound

He was in his own personal hell.

Not that he hadn’t been here before, he supposed. But today seemed somehow different. Today it was personal. 

He’d ignored the mob scene of photographers and video cameras outside of his townhouse as his agents ushered him into his waiting vehicle. He’d opted to read a briefing memo on his way to the office rather than his standard choice of The Post. He knew what the front page would be covering, and even though he’d resigned himself to the fact that this was going to be a high blood pressure day for him, he didn’t think he needed to agitate himself so early in the morning.

It wasn’t abnormal for Josh to be the first person in the West Wing each morning, but this particular morning it wasn’t by chance. He wanted to be securely in his office by the time the Press Corps, or anyone else for that matter, came into the office. He wasn’t hiding. He simply realized the day would go better for everyone if he didn’t start it out by screaming at a reporter or firing every employee in legislative affairs.

He would get through anything the press would throw at him today. He could mostly ignore any slander that the right would read and swear to be the holy truth. He’d heard it before, after all. But he had to pace himself.

Senior Staff filed in for their meeting, each of them a touch more nervous in his presence than normal. He’d barked orders at them for a few minutes, and sent them on their way. “Keep the focus on the President,” he’d told Lou repeatedly, glaring at her to drive his point home. 

By mid morning he was agitated, and on the brink of losing his cool. He was sick of the sideways glances when he walked the corridors, and the looks of apprehension from his staffers. 

Bram had lost control of the briefing and the only topic the press pressed him on was Hellhound’s release and Josh’s reaction, citing specific instances of Josh's behavior that had become public that morning- true or otherwise. Josh had flown off the rails at the press secretary immediately afterwards. 

His mother had called to check on him, which wasn’t exactly the highlight of his adult life. But immediately afterwards the President of the United States had pulled him aside to do the same and Josh decided that was infinitely worse. 

He made his way back into his office to try and get through a stack of briefing memos, feeling the pressure build once again in his chest as a jolt a pain shot through him. Josh dug around in his backpack and grabbed a familiar bottle, popping the last chalky pill into his mouth and sitting back in his chair with a grimace. He felt flushed and constricted. Perhaps he’d have a few moments of peace in his office and he could shake it off. 

“Mr. Lyman?” Annette, his newest assistant, peeked in as though she was afraid for her life. “You have a call on line 3.”

Josh didn’t look up, scanning the numbers from the latest OMB report. 

“I should take a message,” Annette stated. 

Josh glanced over at her, which sent her running back to her desk.

He could hear her pick up the phone and shuffle a few pieces of paper around. “Miss Moss? He’s not able to take your call. If you’d leave the best contact number I can have someone-”

“No!” Josh bellowed from his office. “Put her through.”

“You’ll take the call?” She just wanted to clarify. 

“Yes.” he confirmed. “I’ll always take her call. Donna Moss doesn’t hold for this office,” he spouted off, closing the door for some privacy. He would take her call even though his stomach was doing backflips. What if she’d read the book? What if she was calling to say she never wanted to see him again?

He rounded his desk, clicking the blinking light next to line 3 to put her on speaker.

“Donna?”

“Hey there.” 

There was something about the tone of her voice that set Josh on a different kind of edge. She didn’t sound mad. But he’d been conditioned to be on alert his entire life, and he had taken himself to a new level of anxious over the last three years. 

“What’s wrong?” He could feel his pulse quicken slightly. 

“What’s wrong?” She parrotted back, a little thrown off by the question, though after a moment she realized that she shouldn’t have been. Of course Josh would immediately assume something was wrong. He hadn’t been letting anyone in his life for anything but work in a long time.

“Nothing’s wrong, Josh. I just wanted to call and say hi,” she hedged, it was partially true, but of course she called today because she was worried about him. 

He felt the relief of her reassurances. She must have not read the book yet. But of course, he could see right through her overly chipper facade. He knew what she was doing.

“Oh? You’re not calling to check in on me today?” 

“No,” Even though she was busted, she played coy. “Why? Is there something going on?”

“I can hear you smirking through this telephone, Donnatella,” he grinned sitting back in his chair. 

“Oh, you can not,” she hit back, a little bit of sass in her voice. 

Though he had plenty to work on, this, he thought, was a great way to spend his afternoon. Talking to her. He asked her how her classes were going, knowing she was rounding out her final semester. 

“They’re going well,” she seemed thrown off by his topic of choice. But he just wanted to escape his current reality for a moment.

“I’m sure they are,” he told her. He had all of the confidence in the world that she was at the top of her class. He was so proud of her. He couldn’t help but the smile as he thought about it, but he felt he had no right to tell her that. “You could probably teach most of them,” he rambled. 

Donna grinned on her end of the phone. “I do already have a masters degree in Josh Lyman,” she teased, though she had to admit that phrase hadn’t felt so true in the last years. 

He paused, frozen in his chair. He wasn’t sure what to say. If he hadn’t known better he could have sworn she was flirting with him. But no, that couldn’t be. 

Still, he’d take the banter. He loved the banter. He’d missed the banter. 

While he was mulling over what to say something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. When he turned to look at his TV, he could hardly believe his eyes when he caught a glimpse of the focus of the television cameras. It was her. 

“Donna?” His voice came out in the high squeak that he hated.

“What?” She was immediately on alert from his tone.

“Did they follow you today?” He asked forcefully. The question, he supposed, was unnecessary given the footage he was currently watching. He couldn't have peeled his eyes away from the screen if he had to. There she was, Sam’s arm protectively around her, as she ducked inside CJ’s front door. 

“Josh, don’t freak out.” She could practically hear the anger rising inside of him. 

“Don’t freak out?! Donna, they’re harassing you!” He ran his hand roughly through his hair, cursing himself for putting her in danger yet again. He couldn’t believe this was happening. 

“They’ll go away,” she assured softly. How, in this situation, she was the one calming him, he’d never know. 

“I don’t want you leaving the house until this blows over,” he told her. 

“Josh.”

“I’ll call Sam and he can give me the name of a private security firm and-”

“Josh.”

“---I’ll send a few guys over in the morning. Do you need a lawyer? I guess you have Sam if you do,” he rambled. 

“Joshua!”

“Yes?” His mind was still racing away, but she’d managed to pull him in for a moment. He’d done this to her, and he couldn’t even be the one to make it go away. 

“It’s okay,” she assured in the most soothing tone she could muster. “I’m okay. They’ll lose interest in me and go they’ll go away.”

“Jesus, Donna. This should never have happened to you. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because, Josh. I’m not the concern here. The point of this phone call was supposed to be to see what we could do to make this easier on YOU.”

“I’m fine,” he mumbled, though it convinced neither of them.

“You don’t have to be, you know,” she offered softly. 

He paused. That option didn’t seem to be available to him anymore. 

“But I am, Donna. I’m… fine.” 

She didn’t believe him, but he didn’t seem to be spiraling out of control on the phone, so she let it go. It seemed like it wasn’t her place to run interference for him anymore, and she’d be loathed to admit it to anyone, but she missed it. She missed taking care of him, of making his life easier, and soothing him.

After a brief awkward pause, Josh changed tones.

“Now we need to talk about the real problem. What are we going to do if those reporters trample Danny’s azaleas? You know he’ll lose his mind. And then CJ will go on the war path for him. Not to mention Sam.” He teased lightly.

The both laughed, it was just the shift they needed to move the conversation away from the problems caused by the book, and give them a chance to just talk like normal people. 

They spoke about everything and nothing, until Josh was interrupted by a knock at the door. Unfortunately, it was loud enough for Donna to hear. 

“I should let you go,” she inferred. 

“Donna? You’ll be careful, right? And you’ll call me if anything changes?”

“I will, Josh.” She was comforted by the fact that he wanted to protect her. It served as a nice reminder that Josh was still there for her. “You’ll do the same?”

“I will,” he promised. “And Donnatella?”

“Yes?” 

“Thanks for calling. It means a lot to me.” He smiled softly, speaking the words with truth for the first time that day. He hoped it wouldn’t be the last time he heard from her, but with the accusations between the covers of Hellhound, he wasn’t sure she’d ever want to look him in the eyes again.

He hung up the phone and gathered his needed documents, heading out for a meeting in the Roosevelt Room. 

For the first time in a long time, something was beginning to shift inside of Josh. He felt like he had allies, and friends, not just co-workers. He’d been reminded that there are people who love him, and that they know what the job is like. They knew why he did what he needed to do. They knew him. And somehow, for reasons surpassing his understanding, they still liked him.


	21. Message From A Friend

Sam stood in front of the TV in his office, a scowl on his face, his arms crossed. The things that were being reported made his blood boil. The major news outlets had almost moved on but the political talk shows were just getting started. 

The number of times that a talking head had suggested that something inappropriate had occurred between two of his best friends was taking its toll on his resolve to stay out of it. He didn’t know how much longer he’d last. Josh had made it absolutely clear he didn’t want to drag them into it, but Sam was having a hard time restraining himself. He was itching to step in and sue someone for slander on Josh's behalf, but he knew that would only aggravate the already fragile situation. 

Sam pulled into a parking spot down the street from CJ’s house. He was immediately relieved to see the press had dissipated over the course of the last week. He was so proud of Donna. She kept her cool, remained strong, and issued crisp “no comments” all week. Just as they’d expected, eventually the media gave up. There just wasn’t much thrill getting a no comment from her, and if they harassed her too much, they’d start to look bad themselves. 

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case with Josh. From the news footage, it was obvious to Sam that the constant media attention was getting under his skin. He just hoped that his friend wouldn’t snap.

“Honey, I’m home,” Sam called as he opened the door, placing the grocery bags on the counter.

“And I’ve missed you all day,” Danny snarked from the adjoining room. 

“Well who could blame you?” Sam and Danny’s friendship was an unexpected development. Danny had been Josh’s friend first. Then CJ’s. He and Sam and only been slight acquaintances. And Sam had a fairly large distrust of the media after the Laurie incident. But eventually, Sam had learned that Danny had sat on the Laurie story for many years. And so, he came to trust Danny, and a friendship grew over the last two years. They were sort of an odd couple, with Sam’s good looks and Tommy Hilfiger Ad sweaters, to Danny’s rumpled tweed jackets and scraggly beard. But they both loved and cared for the same people, and a friendship had developed from there. And it turned out, they had a similar sense of humor.

“The girls are on the deck,” Danny nodded towards the open French doors. “I’ve been sent in for more wine.”

“Ah,” Sam nodded his understanding and hung back for a moment to talk to Danny. 

“Beer?” Danny offered as he opened the door to the fridge. 

Sam accepted, closely watching the conversation on the porch through the French doors. 

“How’s she doing?” Sam asked as he took a long drink, attempting to study Donna. 

“You spend as much time with her as I do so I think you know the answer to that,” Danny looked pointedly at Sam. 

“Yeah.” Sam sighed. 

Danny sat the wine on the countertop and remained silent for a beat. “Did you read it?”

Sam paused for a moment before turning to look Danny in the eye. “Yeah. You?”

Danny gave a nod of confirmation. 

“The girls?” Sam asked. 

“Neither of them,” Danny confirmed. “Though if this keeps up much longer CJ will probably start to weigh in and she’ll have to read it to get her opinion straight. But not Donna. She’s dead set against it.”

"I'm glad to hear that," Sam admitted. "She's already having a hard time staying silent. If she read it, there would be no chance. And she's way too emotionally involved to be a good spokesperson for him. I'm afraid it really would just make matters worse."

Danny nodded his head. He too was angry at the narrative surrounding Josh and Hellhound. 

“How much of it do you think is true?” It was a question that Danny only dared ask Sam. 

Sam’s face morphed into a pained expression. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “There’s a hint of truth woven through pages of lies. Just enough to make people wonder. Just enough reality in the theories so that the lies seem plausible. It was meticulously thought out, that’s for sure.”

“Any ideas who wrote it?”

Sam shook his head. “Had to have been ghosted,” he stated. “That’s the only thing I can think of. I didn’t pick up any tells in the writing.”

“Me either.” Danny stared at the floor, hating that he had to even ask the question he’d been leading up to. “Did you read chapter 8?”

“Yeah.” Sam said nothing else. 

“And?”

Sam spun around to look at Danny. “There’s no way. It didn’t happen. It’s a full out lie. He just… he wouldn’t. Say what you want to about his political stature, but when it comes down to it there’s no way Josh would EVER-“

“Yeah.” Danny offered quickly, wishing to keep the conversation quick and discreet, should one of the girls walk in. “I know he didn’t do it. But the rest of the implications in that chapter?”

“They’re… hard to refute with any level of certainty.”

This time Danny sighed. “If I ever figure out who’s behind this…”

“Yeah.” Sam nodded. “I’m right there with you.”

Sam wandered outside after a few more moments, greeting Donna and CJ before making himself comfortable in a chair. “What are you two discussing?”

“Oh, you know,” CJ waived her hand in the air casually. “Physics.”

“Physics?” Sam’s ears perked up a bit as he tried to put on a happy face given the day’s events. “Really?”

“No,” Donna laughed. “We’re discussing the fact that Danny has been slowly amassing lumber in the back corner of the yard and he thinks we haven’t noticed.”

“Chicken Coop?” Sam questioned. 

“Don’t encourage him,” CJ threatened, pointing a finger at Sam in warning. 

Sam put his hands up in a show of surrender, smiling the entire time. “What’s for dinner?”

“Burgers,” Donna grinned. “I thought we’d switch it up a bit. Don't worry, yours is a turkey burger. They should be ready in 10 minutes.”

Sam glanced quickly at his watch. “I need to call Josh before it’s too late. I started to call him on the way over but I always lose service for a minute when I’m stopped at the light by that 7/11.” He pulled his phone out and dialed the familiar number, not surprised in the least when his call went to voicemail. 

“Hey, buddy,” Sam began.

“Hi, Josh!” CJ shouted loud enough to be heard on the voicemail. 

“Hello, Joshua,” Donna chimed in.

“I’m at family dinner, if you couldn't tell,” Sam commented, standing from where he’d been seated and wandering inside. “Anyway, just wanted to touch base with you…”

“Is that Josh?” Danny asked as he wandered by.

Sam nodded affirmatively. 

“Hey, man!” Danny chimed in. “Your Mets got schooled last night. Just wanted to point that out.”

“Danny says hello, too,” Sam stated, ducking into the dining room for some privacy. “I called because I wanted to invite you to Donna’s graduation party,” Sam began. “We’re going to surprise her after the ceremony. It’s nothing over the top. We’re just having a nice catered dinner at CJ’s. It’ll just be the four of us and, well, hopefully you. She didn’t us want to make a big deal of it, but I know it would mean a lot ot her if you were here. Give me a call and let me know if you can make it. Talk to you later.”

As Sam closed his phone and returned to the deck, he couldn’t help but wonder if Josh would attend. It would make Donna so happy, and it would do Josh a world of good to take another break from DC. But Josh was unpredictable these days, and he certainly didn’t want Donna to be disappointed if he was a no-show. Sam glanced at a calendar. He had 2 weeks to coax his best friend back into the land of sunshine and rainbows and he was going to make it his mission to do so.


	22. Out of the Mouths of Babes

A week later, Josh was relieved that the press seemed to have given up on getting anymore information from Donna, but unfortunately they’d doubled down on trying to get a comment from him. From the moment he stepped foot outside his brownstone he was hounded and harassed with a barrage of questions. They shouted at him through the car windows as he’d pull away, and another group would be waiting where ever he arrived. It got to the point where he thought he could hear them shouting at him through the windows at night. One particularly inventive reporter had used a motorcycle to try to ride alongside his car. Of course, the secret service had taken quick care of that problem. The only place he found any solitude was the White House itself. At least the White House Press Pool understood the boundaries, as long as he didn’t set foot in the briefing room, they’d leave him alone. For the first time in his life, he feel like a prisoner in the one place he’d always loved.

He thumbed through a large binder of the newest intelligence out of Kazakhstan, knowing he would spend another lunch alone in his office. He’d spent hundreds this way since she left, but lately the solitude was beginning to eat at him.

The truth is the place just isn’t the same without her. He missed the days when she would breeze into his office, talking a mile a minute about whatever seemed to be on her mind at the time, stealing his fries and harping on him to eat an occasional salad. 

“Excuse me? Mr. Lyman?

Josh looked up, pulling himself from his thoughts, when he heard the soft knock at his partially opened door and a timid voice. 

“Hi, Miranda.” Josh was certainly surprised to see the youngest Santos child. He’d had minimal interaction with the Santos family, the President and First Lady making a strong effort to keep their private life away from the West Wing. “Are you looking for your Dad?”

Miranda, who was noticeably nervous in the presence of the Chief of Staff, spoke softly. “No, Sir.” 

“Ah-kay,” Josh glanced around in his empty outer office. He’d never been particularly good with kids and he didn’t need any more of an adversary in the First Lady than he already had. “What can I do for you?”

Miranda held up a piece of paper, somewhat rumpled around the edges and attached to a pink clipboard. “I wondered if you could help me with a project for school,” she began timidly, “if you’re not too busy.”

“Oh.” Josh was caught somewhat off guard. “Um, maybe, I mean what is it? Are you supposed to get help with it?” He wasn’t opposed to helping if it was allowed, although he couldn’t guess why Miranda would ask him.

“We’re supposed to interview our neighbors. But since we don’t really have any, and you work in the office next to my Dad.... I just thought... nevermind, it was a dumb idea.” Miranda’s shoulders drooped and she turned to go. 

“Wait.” Josh calls out more gently than anyone would have imagined. He suddenly had a soft spot for Miranda. He remembered too well, the feeling of growing up alone. And it’s a feeling that’s recently come back full force into his life. “Maybe we can get some work done on your project while your Dad is finishing up with the ambassador next door?” Josh offered.

“Okay,” Miranda stepped inside somewhat hesitantly, looking around.

“I was going to order a milkshake from the mess,” Josh began. “Do you want one?”

“Yes!” She responded enthusiastically, making Josh chuckle. He might not be good with kids, but he was smart enough to know that a treat is a quick way to gain someone’s trust. Really, he mused, they aren’t that different from Congressmen.

As Miranda made herself comfortable in Josh’s visitor chair, Josh picked up the phone and ordered two shakes, both cookie dough with extra hot fudge and rainbow sprinkles, to be delivered to his office. 

“So, let’s get started.” Josh sat back in his chair as Miranda readied her pencil. 

“I’m supposed to ask you these questions,” she began. “Number 1. What is your name?”

Josh knew that Miranda was aware of the answer, but he answered with all the enthusiasm he could muster If Miranda was taking this seriously, so would he.

“Josh Lyman.” 

“Is that your whole name?” Miranda asked suspiciously.

“Oh, sorry. Joshua Lyman.”

“What’s your middle name?”

“I don’t have one.”

“That’s weird.” Miranda scrunched up her face in what Josh thought was an adorable way.

Josh chuckled a bit, as Miranda wrote the answer on the allotted line. “Yes, well, believe me, I’ve had words with my Mother over it.”

“Where did you grow up,” she asked, looking up to Josh for an answer.

“Westport, Connecticut,” Josh answered. “Have you ever been to Connecticut, Miranda?”

“No,” she shook her head. “I don’t think so. Did we go there on the campaign?” 

“Your Dad and I did,” Josh informed her. “But I think you were still in Texas with your Mom and Peter at that point.”

“But now you live here,” Miranda inferred. And though he knew she was referencing DC, in all honestly Josh effectively lived in the Chief of Staff’s office. “Yes, I do. I’ve lived here for, um, well, almost 20 years.”

“Why?”

“Well, because my job is here,” he told her simply. “Kind of like the way your Dad’s job is here, so you guys are going to live here for a few years.”

“Oh. Do you have any brothers and sisters?” She had the ability to switch topics at a high rate of speed. It reminded him of Donna, he thought with some amusement.

“Uh, no,” Josh began somewhat awkwardly. He wasn’t going to go down that path with sweet little Miranda. 

“So, who is your best friend?” Miranda asked curiously. She spent the vast majority of her time these days with Peter. 

“Donna,” Josh answered instantly, only surprising himself a bit. With anyone else he’d have said Sam. But Miranda’s innocent questions deserved an honest answer. And truthfully, it felt good admitting it to himself. 

“Is she nice?”

Josh smiled softly. “Yes. She’s very nice.” 

Their conversation was briefly interrupted with the delivery of the shakes, Miranda digging into hers with enthusiasm equal to Josh’s. 

“Question 2,” Miranda announced between bites. “What is your job?”

Josh smiled widely as he realized the last several questions weren’t a part of Miranda’s assignment. “Chief of Staff to President Matthew Santos.”

“What is your favorite thing about your job?” 

Josh didn’t even hesitate before answering. “Working for your Dad. He’s a great man, Miranda. He really is. And he’s working really hard to make this world a better place.”  
“And you’re helping him?”  
Josh smiled weakly. “I’m trying.”  
“Okay good.” Miranda smiled broadly at Josh. “My Mom says that all anyone can ask is that we try our hardest.”  
Josh was stunned a moment. Miranda’s blind faith that he was trying his hardest was a nice change of pace from what Washington typically assumed.   
“What is your favorite hobby?” She looked up at him for a response, not even realizing how profound her previous statement was. She just wanted to complete her assignment and finish her milkshake. If he was honest with himself Josh found her indifference endearing.   
“Well,” Josh began, trying to give an answer that would set a good example. “I like to read,” he told her honestly. “And I like to watch baseball.”  
“So does my Dad,” Miranda announced, seemingly satisfied with his answer. “Do you like to go to baseball games?”  
“I do,” he told her. “As a matter of fact I just went to a baseball game in Los Angeles a few weeks ago with my friends and Donna.” It took him a moment to realize he’d placed her in a different category than Sam, CJ and Danny, though it truly shouldn’t have surprised him.   
“If you could live anywhere, where would it be?”   
“California,” Josh spoke without realizing what he was saying. It just came out. It was the first time in his life he hadn’t honestly thought Washington DC was the only place he could be happy.  
Miranda studied him for a moment, taking a long sip out of the straw in her milkshake. “Is California where Donna lives?”  
Josh felt himself blush slightly. He was a hardened political operative who had battled the press non stop in the last month. And all of the sudden a 7 year old was cracking him wide open.   
“Yes,” he admitted somewhat sadly. “That’s where Donna lives.”


	23. Avoidance

CJ frowned from her opulent office in the Hollis Foundation headquarters. She spun her chair around so she was looking at her favorite group photo on her desk.

“So he’s not coming?” She couldn’t mask the disappointment in her voice. “I really thought he’d take the bait.”

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far.” Sam spoke into his phone as he tapped his pen with careful consideration. “And I’m also not completely sure, but I seem to remember something about being told not to compare a woman to ‘bait.’”

“Listen, Spanky. I’m running out of ideas about how to make this happen. Short of dragging her to DC and locking them in a confined area, I don’t know what else to do.”

“Well, I know you’re just trying to get them to talk, but if you do that you’ll probably end up becoming an aunt faster than you’d anticipated.” Sam smirked into the phone, pleasantly surprised to find that he personally wasn’t at all opposed to the idea of becoming “Uncle Sam.” But he needed to keep CJ on track. “So let’s continue to try to get him to her graduation party first. The hostage situation can be Plan B. But I’m telling you, you’re not going to need it.”

“You just told me that Josh called you back and said he wouldn’t be able to make it to Donna’s graduation party, did you not?”

“Well, yes. But it’s Josh and this is Donna so let’s not count him out just yet. He may be completely blind when it comes to how she feels about him, and he may be emotionally constipated about his own feelings, but he’s certainly not going to let her down.”

“He really doesn’t know how she feels? I mean, I know he’s an idiot boy, but I swear to you, strangers see the way they look at each other.”

“You know, he said something to me the other day.” Sam paused for a moment, thinking back on his conversation with Josh with a bit more clarity. “He told me about a time they went shoe shopping, early on in the Bartlet Administration. He mentioned that the sales clerk had just assumed she was his wife, so for the rest of the day he and Donna pretended they were married. He’d never told me that story before. I tell you CJ, the joy in his voice, it was the best he’s sounded in years. But yeah, he still sounded perplexed at the fact that someone would think that, and worried that the story might resurface and upset Donna. So to answer your question, No, he really doesn’t know how she feels. He’s clueless.”

“It’s amazing,” CJ shook her head softly. “All of the brains inside that thick skull of his and he can’t understand that she’s crazy about him.” 

“And so it goes,” Sam lamented. 

“Alright,” CJ digressed. “Well, I’ll go ahead and order the cake and dinner for 5. It’s not like having leftovers would kill us. You’ll keep me posted?”

“Sure thing. Talk to you later, Ceej.”

He’d no sooner hung up the phone than Cynthia buzzed Sam’s office. “Call from a Josh Lyman on line one,” she announced.

“Thanks, Cynthia. You can head home for the night. Sorry about the late schedule.” Sam hit the speakerphone button and tossed his salad a bit more. “Speak of the devil and he shall appear,” he quipped.

“Not even the first time today someone has said that to me,” Josh immediately bat back. 

“What can I do for you, buddy?”

“Well, I’m glad you asked.”

Sam paused for a moment. When Josh needed something he wasn’t typically shy. 

“It’s been a hectic few weeks around here,” Josh began, trying to work up to the reason for his call. “I’ve had to deal with a GOP majority and a vacancy in the Legislative Affairs office.” 

“Are you telling me something I don’t know? We do get the news out here, Josh.” Sam immediately had a hunch regarding Josh’s intentions, and he bristled a bit. They’d had this conversation several times before and his answer was always the same. 

“Sam, I’ve gotta ask.”

“Josh-”

“Look,” Josh interrupted, attempting to get his argument in before Sam had the chance to decline. “There’s still so much work to be done, and if you’d just give me a year, I know we could accomplish so much of the President’s agenda...”

“JOSH!” Sam cut in a little harshly. “I’m sorry. I love you like a brother. But I can’t. I see what that lifestyle is doing to you. And I can’t.” 

“Yeah.” Josh sounded defeated, but he had known getting Sam change his mind was unlikely to begin with. “Right. Well, I knew it was a long shot.”

“Hey, I appreciate your faith in me.” Sam offered, trying to dampen the sting of his rejection. “Any chance you’ve changed your mind about heading out here for Donna’s graduation?” 

Josh was quiet for a moment. “No, I don’t think so,” he finally admitted. “I appreciate the offer but I really feel like it would be better if I declined. I’ve disrupted her life enough lately.”

“You know she doesn’t think that,” Sam offered confidently. 

But Josh wasn’t so sure. Though he appreciated Sam’s invitation to Donna’s graduation, he’d felt out of place. Donna herself hadn’t said a word and, to Josh, her silence was deafening. He couldn’t help but wonder again if she’d finally read the book, and that’s why she hadn’t invited him out there herself. 

“Josh?” Sam wasn’t sure he was still on the line. “She doesn’t think that.”

“Yeah.” Josh cleared his throat. “Hey, listen, I’ve gotta go. The agents have my car ready.” He was the master of avoidance and Sam knew it was a cop out. But he also knew that Josh did things on his own terms. 

They ended the call and Josh wrapped it up for the night. It was considerably earlier than he usually left the office but his motivation was waning.

He kept his head down as he climbed the steps to his apartment, ignoring the questions shouted at him by a dwindling pack of reporters. The no-comment strategy was working, even though it killed him not to be able to issue a complete and outright denial. But he knew that a denial would only lead to more questions. Questions he wasn’t prepared to answer. Questions he couldn’t answer.

He noticed immediately the slip taped to the front of his door indicating a waiting package in his mailbox. 

After seeing him into his apartment, Agent Perez retrieved his mail. It was a simple task, but it didn’t typically cross Josh’s mind to check the box.

He tossed the stack down on his kitchen counter, shrugging out of his jacket and flipping through the pile. An oversized envelope bearing Toby’s return address, immediately got his attention, so he quickly opened it, thumbing through the thick document before reading the title. He was nothing short of stunned to realize that he was holding Donna’s research paper. 

Price of the Garden Hose: Modern Implications of the Lend-Lease Act to Ensure Stability in a Global Economy 

His chest puffed a bit, wondering if perhaps she’d taken something away from their conversation in his office so many years ago. He placed it carefully to the side, wanting to save it for a moment when he could truly give it his undivided attention, and glanced quickly at the rest of the stack, containing mostly bills and junk mail. 

His curiosity peaked, however, when he saw the small envelope containing a now familiar return address. Tearing into the envelope, he swelled with pride as he held the cardstock announcement in his hand. 

The Chancellor, Faculty and Graduating Class of The University of California Los Angeles announce that Donnatella Moss is a candidate for the degree of Bachelor of Arts in Political Science

Josh grinned, realizing his heart was beating a little faster in his chest. He flipped the card over and froze as he read her words, taking in a shaky breath of air as he stared at the bold ink and her distinctive penmanship.

Everything I’ve achieved is because you believed in me.


	24. Commencement

“Look at you!” CJ exclaimed with pride. “The graduate!”  
Donna, standing there in her sundress, just seemed to glow. She beamed at CJ, somewhat unable to believe that this day was finally here.   
“So what’s the plan,” Danny started on the logistics, fiddling with his tie as they all gathered in the living room.  
“I’m going to take Donna out to lunch,” CJ stated, “then drive her over and drop her off and then come back so we can take one car. And after the ceremony we’ll meet her in the southwest corner of the auditorium and head back here.”  
“Sounds good to me,” Donna agreed, swiping on her lip gloss and grabbing her purse.   
“One thing before we go,” Sam interjected, grabbing a neatly wrapped gift from the hall table. “Congratulations, Donna. We’re all so proud of you,” he was radiating with pride.   
“Awww, Sam. You shouldn’t have. I said no gifts, you guys,” Donna rambled. “You’ve all already done so much for me and-”  
“Open it!” Danny’s cheer interrupted her speech, eager to see what was inside.   
“Alright.” Donna carefully removed the bow and carefully peeled away the wrapping paper. “OH, Sam, you shouldn’t have!” Donna pulled out a pair of heels that she’d seen on display in the window of Ruby’s Boutique, but had never dared to check the price on.   
“Well,” Sam shrugged, “it’s a special occasion. And I figured I should pay you back for all of your gin rummy winnings.”  
Donna threw her arms around Sam in thanks and immediately stepped out of her flats and slipped the heels on with her graduation gown.   
“They’re gorgeous!” CJ gushed. “And I’m going to ask you to borrow them at some point but for right now I’m going to herd you to the car because we’re going to be late.”  
After lunch, CJ dropped Donna off to check in for the ceremony and then returned to the house to pick up Sam and Danny and the three made their way to campus. CJ, Danny and Sam found their reserved seats in the auditorium and settled in for the ceremony.  
“So the caterer is setting up?” CJ clarified.   
“Yes,” Sam confirmed. “Cynthia is picking up the cake and meeting the caterer. They’ll get it all set up and then clear out before we get home.”  
“Perfect,” CJ nodded. “I hope she’s surprised.”  
The music began to play and the ceremony began. Only a moment later Sam’s cell phone buzzed and he fumbled to silence it in his pocket. A moment later it buzzed again, and Sam repeated his action. After the third time, he sheepishly pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the number.  
“It’s Josh!” He hissed to CJ and Danny.  
“Answer it.” Danny responded simply with a smirk.  
“What?” Sam barked quietly into the phone, in lieu of a greeting.  
“Look behind you to the left.”  
“What?” Sam repeated.  
“Oh my God,” CJ gasp. “Look!” She tried to subtly point towards Josh, emerging from the side behind two agents.  
“Oh! I see you! I’m glad you made it, buddy.” Sam lowered his voice. “A lady is giving me a dirty look for being on my phone but meet us at the southwest corner of the auditorium after the ceremony. Near the exit.”  
Sam ended the call and they all watched as Donna received her diploma, the loudest applause emanating from the Chief of Staff, smiling proudly in the corner.  
Following the ceremony, CJ, Danny and Sam quickly made their way down the stairs from their seats, greeting Josh who was waiting with his agents. Though Josh hadn’t informed them he would be in attendance, none of them were particularly surprised to see him. They were, however, incredibly pleased that he’d decided to join them.  
While the other three casually waited for Donna, chattering on about a variety of topics, Josh couldn’t help but to be increasingly nervous. He shifted his weight on his feet, scanning the crowd for her and clutching the oversized bouquet he’d purchased. As he looked around he noticed the flowers other people had and he was pleased that his bouquet seemed bigger and brighter. Only the best for Donna. The impromptu stop at the florist had been a good idea.  
After what felt like an eternity, he spotted a flash of blonde hair round the corner, knowing immediately that it could only be her. His pulse sped up a bit. He hoped this wasn’t a mistake. He’d hopped on a plane without consulting her, clinging to the hope that she wanted him there based solely on the receipt of her announcement in the mail. He was just praying that it was meant as an invitation and not just a formality.   
His heart pounded in his chest and his stomach flipped a few times. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever been this nervous before. He locked eyes with her across the room and she beamed at him, abating all of his fears in an instant as she picked up her pace and practically ran to him.  
“Josh! You’re here!” Her heartfelt whisper cause him to step forward without thinking and open his arms. She immediately vaulted into him, and he wrapped his arms around her, not knowing exactly how they got to this moment, but so very glad they’d made it.  
Of course I’m here,” He assured her, whispering softly into her ear as he held her. “I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.” And he realized it was true, even though he almost HAD missed it, fate had ended up bring them back together.   
“Alrighty, mi amores, are we ready to get out of here?” CJ asked after everyone had thoroughly hugged and congratulated Donna.  
“Yes, let’s go.” Sam reinforced the idea. He couldn’t wait to surprise Donna with the dinner.

“Do you, um, want to ride with me?” Josh shyly asked Donna, still not quite sure how he ranked compared to the rest of her friends.

“Sure,” she smiled softly moving a little closer to him as he placed his hand on the small of her back and saw her out the door.

“Oh,” They were almost to the car when he remembered what he held in his hand. He’d just been so wrapped up in simply seeing her again. “These are for you.” 

She grinned at him as he finally handed her the flowers that she’d noticed quite a bit ago, and feeling joyful and free, she couldn’t help but take the opportunity to tease him, like she would have before things had become so awkward.

“I wondered if you had another graduate you were seeing today.” She harassed him lightly.

But his response was serious. “No. There’s only you, Donnatella.”

His words lifted her soul. God, she missed this man. This Josh who could parry words one minute, and lift houses with them the next. It was good to see he’s still in there.

“Thank you, Josh. They’re beautiful.” She responded sincerely as she leaned over to gently squeeze his hand.

Josh beamed back and her, bouncing a bit as he shooed his agent away so that he could help her into the vehicle himself. 

As they settled into the car, Josh was really looking forward to some alone time with Donna, but a few minutes into their conversation his phone beeped urgently, interrupting them. He felt bad fas he took it out of his pocket, noticing Donna’s disappointed look. But it was just Sam, asking Josh to give them a little more time to set up for dinner. Josh was happy to oblige and also took the opportunity presented, and powered down his Blackberry and placed it in a side pocket of his backpack, zipping it securely. 

He leaned back, stretching his arm across the back of the seat and turning his focus back to the woman to his left. He was immediately rewarded with an approving smile.

“So, tell me, Donnatella Moss, B.A., what’s next?”

“Well,” she hedged, nervously tucking her hair behind her ear. “Isn’t that the million dollar question.”

He raised his eyebrows a bit. He certainly wasn’t expecting her to say that. Donna had always been a planner.

“What’s the problem?” If it was within his power, he’d fix it for her.

“Well, I’ve been looking, and I’ve even been on a couple interviews, but I don’t know . . . nothing seems to measure up. A councilman’s office practically begged me to start immediately, but he was dull and had no vision. I was looking at a posting for Senator Wainbright’s office, but it closed, and honestly, I wasn’t sure. I have this political science degree and no idea what to do with it! I was sort of considering law school, but I don’t know if I’d really want to practice, and I can’t afford it right now anyway. CJ can probably get me a job at the Hollis Foundation, but I’d like to get something on my own merits and stop needing people to carry me places I don’t belong.”

Her voice carried off at the end of her rant, and he saw just a glimpse of the old insecurities peaking through. And he felt guilty for the ways that he’d contributed to them.

“Donna,” he replied softly, “you are a brilliant woman, and you deserve every success you’ve had and more.”

She squared her shoulders and lifted her head. “Anyway,” she offered brightly, “today I just want to celebrate. I’ll worry about tomorrow later.”

And with that he could tell the topic was closed. 

“Hey, I like your shoes.” He remarked, changing gears. He wanted to keep her talking. And he knew from experience that if she had new shoes, she liked to talk about them. 

“Thanks,” she grinned, her mood instantly improving. “Sam gave them to me.”

Josh raised his eyebrows a bit at that, stifling a laugh. “Sam is picking out your shoes now?”

“They’re my rummy winnings,” she announced, flexing her ankle to get a better look at the heels. 

“Two and a half years worth of 5 cent bets really paid off for you,” he laughed. 

“It was very nice of him,” she stated softly. She’d been touched by Sam’s thoughtfulness. 

The car slowed to a stop in front of a specialty wine store. “Sam asked me to stop for beer,” he offered, hoping she’d buy it. Though it didn’t seem practical for the guy with the Secret Service detail to be running the errands, it was all he could come up with on the fly. 

Knowing that his agents wouldn’t really like this plan either, Josh had already texted them and asked Rocky to help him out.

Rocky, armed with Josh's American Express, ducked quickly into the shop and retired only a few minutes later with a six pack of Sam Adams and a couple of bottles of Dom Perignon. 

“Champagne?” She asked, surprised at his choice. 

He grinned broadly. “We have something to celebrate, Donna. And I am, after all, a man of occasion.”


	25. Party of Five

“SURPRISE!” Sam cheered.

“CONGRATULATIONS!” CJ yelled.

“Awww, you guys! Look at all this. You shouldn’t have!” Donna stepped into the backyard, taking in the perfectly decorated dinner party in her honor.

“Look at that face,” Danny gestured towards Donna. “She knew. She definitely knew.”

“I didn’t,” Donna assured them, a defensive quality to her voice. “Everything looks amazing,” She grinned, taking in the Congratulations Donna banner fastened to the railing between blue and yellow clusters of balloons. They’d covered the table in a blue cloth and pinned Bruins pennants around the deck. It may have looked kitschy to an outsider, but Donna had waited a long time for this moment and she loved every detail.

“Did you know about this?” She turned back to Josh, who was leaning in the doorway watching her excitement. 

He gave her a small nod of affirmation. “Don’t thank me, thank them,” he deferred. “All I did was buy the beer.”

She shook her head in gentle disbelief. He’d done so much more than that. 

“Danny and I decorated,” Sam announced proudly, gesturing to the massive amount of blue and yellow decor. Bruins balloons, and blue and yellow streamers were attached to every available surface. The glass top table was covered with a cheap, blue plastic table cover that was sprinkled with graduation confetti. They’d even found a way to decorate the pool, which now housed several inflatable UCLA mascots floating in tubes. 

“She can tell, I’m sure,” CJ mumbled. Her backyard looked as though the local party store had exploded, but she didn’t mind. They were just all so proud of Donna and she found Sam and Danny’s big brother like enthusiasm to be quite endearing, even if it wasn’t exactly classy.

“Is this why you wouldn’t go out to lunch with us?!”

“Guilty. We needed to get you away for a little bit before we had to leave for the ceremony. I hope you don’t mind that we lied.”

“NO! Thanks you guys! This is perfect. It’s everything I ever imagined.” She was beginning to become a little choked up at the gesture.This is exactly the type of party her Mom would have thrown if she had graduated in her twenties. She’d insisted that her parents not make the trip, and steeled herself for a low key graduation. But truthfully, her family was here. And this was better than she could have hoped for.

“Well, Dinner should be ready for us,” Danny announced as CJ gave Donna a hug. “Why don’t you ladies make yourselves comfortable and let us do the heavy lifting.”

“You mean taking the catered food out of the warmer?” CJ grinned.

“Well, yeah. But we’re going to put it on plates, too.” 

“In that case you’re going to need my help,” Josh offered, pleased to be fitting in somewhere. “Come on, Sam.”

While the guys headed into the kitchen, Donna and CJ settled into chairs, chatting about the ceremony and laughing about Sam and Danny’s exuberance over the decorations.

As Sam lifted the cover on the steaks, Josh was amazed to see five.

“You got me a meal?” Josh asked in disbelief, “But you didn’t know I was coming.”

Sam just smiled at him softly, “I had faith in you, buddy.”

“Josh,” Danny interrupted the tender moment, “these fillets are cooked perfectly. Do you want me to microwave yours for another 10 minutes?” 

“No, thank you, I’ve learned to eat steak like a grown up, I’ll have you know.”

Within a few minutes, the guys had the food all nicely plated on blue solo plates. As Danny reached for the matching cups, Sam stopped him.

“We are NOT drinking Dom out of solos cups, Danny. Get the nice flutes.” 

Josh and Sam each carried two plates out to the patio, while Danny followed behind. CJ cringed as she watched Danny juggling a plate while five of her of her Waterford crystal champagne flutes dangled from his other hand.

“Dinner is served,” Danny announced the cliche with a grin.

Sam popped the top on the bottle of Dom and poured 5 glasses, passing them to Josh who placed them around the table before settling in to a chair next to Donna. 

“We’re so incredibly proud of you, Donna. You’ve accomplished something wonderful, and I know that this is just the beginning. To Donna,” CJ offered, raising her glass. 

“To Donna,” Sam and Danny echoed. 

“To Donnatella,” Josh joined in as they lightly clinked their glasses together before beginning their meal.

The five ate and laughed, enjoying the company as Sam refilled the champagne. The dinner was cleared and the cake brought out, a small pile of gifts accompanying the dessert. 

“Open them,” Sam encouraged, topping off his flute. 

Donna selected a medium sized box that had been carefully wrapped and adorned with a card displaying her mother’s distinctive penmanship. She carefully removed the paper to reveal a photo album, smiling a she opened the cover and discovered her baby photo and her tiny, yellowing hospital band. The album highlighted the first 18 years of Donna’s life and she loved the work her mother had put in to compile it. She flipped through it quickly, knowing she’d spend more time reviewing every page at a later time.

“I want to see it,” CJ reached across the table, taking the album from Donna and earning a scowl from Josh who was looking forward to watching Donna turn through each page.

Donna was a little overwhelmed as she opened heartfelt cards and gifts from so many of the people who loved her. 

Toby sent a well made fountain pen, CJ and Danny had surprised her with a leather briefcase and engraved business card holder. Sam had given her a gift card to an expensive department store so she could purchase a new suit to match her new shoes.

Even the Bartlets had sent a gift. A leatherbound copy of the constitution with a heartfelt message in the front cover. Donna glanced at a note tucked inside the graduation card, written in President Bartlet’s penmanship on his personal letterhead, requesting that she call them at her earliest possible convenience. She said nothing to the others at the table, but she was pleased at the thought that the first family wanted to speak with her. She’d never considered herself to be on the same playing field as the rest of the senior staff and it touched her beyond belief that they had not only sent a gift, but wanted to talk to her as well. 

At last there was only one gift left.

“Who could this be from?” She smiled, glancing at Josh who shifted somewhat nervously in his chair. 

She slipped a ribbon off of a small, rectangular box and lifted the lid off of the outer box. Then she paused briefly, glancing over towards him out of the corner of her eye as she discovered a well-worn jewelry case. She slowed her movements, suddenly sensing that this was not an average graduation gift. She carefully ran her fingers along the fading silk on the outside of the hinged box before she gently opened it.

“Josh…”

Donna was stunned. She didn’t know what to say, biting her lip and looking over to him for some sort of an explanation. He looked so vulnerable to her. He fidgeted in his chair, trying to hide the importance of his gift by acting like it was no big deal. But she knew that Josh didn’t do anything on a whim.

She ran her fingers gently over the string of pearls in the antique box. “I can’t possibly accept these,” she murmured, “they’re a family heirloom, aren’t they?” looking to him for explanation.

“I want you to have them,” he told her softly. 

Donna stood, carefully placing the box on the table. “Come here,” she gently requested. 

He stood, somewhat unsure what to expect. Was she really going to reject his gift? But she didn’t. Instead she hugged him close, kissing his cheek. 

“Okay. Thank you,” she whispered softly. “They’re beautiful.”

“So are you.” He responded just as quietly, as he pulled her a little closer.

“Joshua?” She asked, her hand finding the back of his head and gently stroking his hair. “Are those your grandmother’s pearls?”

She felt him nod against her, his head tucked into the crook of her neck. “But now they’re yours.”

CJ leaned in a little closer to Danny and Sam glanced away with a wry smile on his face. Sometimes, in moments such as these, Josh and Donna had the tendency to forget that they weren’t the only two in the room. 

“Are you sure?” She asked him softly. “Shouldn’t you save them for. . .” she paused, her heart reacting violently to the thought of him having a family with someone else.

“I’m sure,” he told her softly, closing his eyes for a moment. “They were my Mother’s Mother’s. She gave them to my Mom when she graduated from Smith. And my Mom would have given them to Joanie…” he trailed off. 

“Thank you. I’ll always treasure them.” Donna saved him from having to finish the thought as she looked him in the eye and tried to convey how special they made her feel. Now, no matter what happened, she would always have a connection with Josh. She’d always feel like part of his family. She mentally made note to send his mother a thank you card as well. They’d always been on good terms, but it was very touching that she’d approved of Josh’s gift. 

Danny cleared his throat as Sam poured the last of the champagne into the flutes. “How about another toast? To Donna! Our baby’s all grown up!”

“To Donna!” CJ and Sam shouted.

“To you.” Josh whispered gently, giving her a soft smile as he turned and took his seat back at the table.


	26. Coming Home

“Well,” CJ announced, “I think we’re going to turn in.” She have Danny a sly smile and he quickly stood to follow her. “It was great to see you Josh,” she hugged him.  
Sam excused himself politely from the table, assuring his friends he’d be right back. He stood, a little wobbly on his own two feet, and headed for the kitchen as he sang a verse of Gilbert & Sullivan. 

A suitor, lowly born,  
With hopeless passion torn,  
And poor, beyond denying,  
Has dared for her to pine  
At whose exalted shrine  
A world of wealth is sighing.

Josh rolled his eyes and Donna giggled as Sam stumbled towards the kitchen. 

“I’m going to guess Spanky’s going to pass out in the guestroom.” CJ chuckled. 

“How’d he get so drunk?” Josh wondered in borderline disbelief. “Five adults just split two bottles of champagne. It doesn’t make any sense.”

“We had a glass of scotch before the ceremony,” Danny offered. “And another one, and Sam’s was pretty sizeable, before you guys made it home.”

“And he’s been on a juice cleanse for the last 7 days,” Donna supplied. “All he’s consumed is a liquid mixture of beets and kale.”

Josh and Danny both made the same, disgusted faces.

“Make yourself at home, mi amore.” CJ hugged him. “And come back soon.”

“Good to see you, man,” Danny shook his hand and followed CJ inside.

A soft silence fell between them. 

“Sit with me for a while?” Donna suggested. And Josh was delighted to take her up on the offer.

“It really is beautiful out here,” he noted, staring up into the peaceful night sky, and taking in the sight of the palm trees that lined the perimeter of the yard. A light breeze  
blew through, keeping the warm evening comfortable. 

Donna put her feet up on the empty chair to her right and Josh leaned back, closing his eyes for just a moment. The silence between them was comfortable but Josh had plenty to say. 

“I read your research paper,” he began. 

Donna turned to look at him. “You did?”

Josh nodded. “Toby sent me a copy. It was phenomenal, Donna. Really.”

She smiled nervously, staring at her hands folded neatly in her lap. “Thank you.”

“I’m not just saying that, either. You made some excellent points and-”

She laughed softly.

“What?” He furrowed his brow, unsure of what he’d said to elicit that response. 

“I made some excellent points? Josh, they were your points.”

“I’m not following.”

She let out a soft sigh, putting her feet on the ground and touching her hand gently to his knee. “Everything in that paper, everything, I learned from you. Not from a textbook or hours of lecture material. I learned it from you.”

He was, for once in his life, stunned into silence.

“You’re a great teacher, Josh. You’re a good friend, and a good man. You took a chance on me when nobody else would.”

“You’ve earned everything you’ve achieved, Donna. And there’s nothing that I want more than to see you succeed. I want to make that clear. I know you think that I held you back and I--”

“I don’t think that.”

His gaze flicked over to meet hers. He certainly hadn’t intended to have this conversation tonight, but here they were.

“You do,” he continued softly. “And I understand why.” Though he’d initially blamed her for walking out on him, for leaving him, he didn’t anymore. He’d been angry, sure, but when it came right down to it, he wasn’t mad at her. He was angry at himself. For pushing her away, for letting her go, and more recently, for keeping her out of his life. He’d internalized that guilt, storing it away with all the rest. He didn’t let himself think about it much anymore. He’d obsessed over the loss of her presence in the beginning, but after transition into the Santos White House, he’d taken a new view on the events that had unfolded between them. He’d convinced himself over the years that he was toxic. It was one of the reasons he’d chosen to bury himself in his work. 

He stood, facing the pool and scrubbing a hand over his face. This night was supposed to be about celebration and maybe, hopefully, the restoration of his most valued friendship. But it didn’t seem to be going that way so far. 

“You know why?” Donna was dumbfounded. In her mind, everything came down to that afternoon meeting in his campaign office. And though that was mostly water under the bridge to her at this point, she still felt the sting of rejection at his mention of that day. 

“Well aside from the obvious,” Josh began to ramble as he paced, though Donna wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean, “I’m sure you’ve read the New York Times bestseller?” 

“You can’t be serious.” Donna stood to follow him.

“So you know now, right? It’s out in the open, between you and me and 300 million other people? That combined with every flaw that you were kind enough to ignore for seven years that was recently outlined for you in black and white?”

“Josh, I haven’t read it and I’m not going to. I wasn’t just saying that to the press. I know everything that I need to about you. I know that you’re not perfect, but no one is, and while you seem to be caught up in a few faults, all I can think of is a list of your attributes- and they’re quite numerous if you asked me.” She moved a few steps closer, but he was already off on a wild tangent in his mind.

The last thing he wanted in that moment was her pity. He’d heard every hollow consolation known to man in the last months, and he sincerely thought she’d be the last person on Earth to treat him that way. 

“Please don’t placate me,” he bit off faster than he could think, his jaw clenched as his anger rose. He took a deep breath, trying to keep himself in check. 

It stopped Donna in her tracks. But what made her heartache was that Josh seemed to be pleading with her rather than commanding. He didn’t believe that she still held him in high esteem, he thought she was just like everyone else. It was as though he couldn’t take any more hurt. It would break him.

Rarely did he wear his heart on his sleeve, but the one time that he’d dared to do so she had damn near destroyed him without even knowing. He’d shown up to her hospital room completely ready to bare his soul to her, and he’d had to face her one night stand. He’d emotionally retreated at that moment, the feeling of rejection causing his stomach to drop. He knew he’d never stop loving her, of that he was certain. He told himself that he’d just have to figure out a way to live his life with the understanding that she didn’t feel the same way. His acceptance of that situation had ebbed and flowed over the years, but he’d never stopped aching for her. 

As if that wasn’t bad enough, he felt as though all aspects of his private life had been broadcast on national news. And it was only a matter of time until she realized how he’d felt about her all these years. He didn’t know if he could handle the thought of losing her again. 

No, he knew. He was sure he wouldn’t survive it. Even if he was never more than a friend to her, he had to make sure he didn’t ruin what was left of their relationship. 

Perhaps, he thought, it was time to solidify that thought. If he could try to be honest with someone, it was going to be her. 

“I mean,” he ran his hand roughly through his hair, “while that damn book may be filled with lies, I certainly can’t deny that I’ve ruined every relationship that I’ve ever had or wanted.”

“Not every relationship,” she stated softly, touching his bicep and letting her fingers trail down his arm and weave together with his. “I’m right here.”

He looked at her quizzically, the air suddenly charged between them. His pulse pounded in his ears. He wondered if he was imagining this. But it certainly seemed like she was sending him a signal.

A nervous smile grew slowly on Donna’s face as her hands moved up to cup his cheek and she threw caution to the wind. She tilted her head and slowly moved in, praying he’d meet her halfway. He leaned closer, his lips next to hers. They both stilled their motions for only a second, and Josh caught her eye. 

Rather than scrutiny, he was met with a true understanding. Rather than strictly needing something from him, she wanted to give. She was his Donna, and when he cautiously touched his lips to hers for the first time, it felt like he was coming home.


	27. What Lovers Do

Josh woke as the sunlight began to stream through Donna’s sheer curtains. As he remembered where he was, he took a moment to just savor the feeling. He was whole once again. 

He shifted gently, feeling her immediately curl closer. Her movements, subconscious though they may be, brought a smile to his face as he leaned down and gently kissed the top of her head. His fingers trailed down the contour of her bare body, memorizing the feeling of her soft skin. 

When he’d boarded the flight for LA the day before, he’d never have guessed that the trip would end with what felt like a miracle. He and Donna finally releasing a decade’s worth of sexual tension. It all just felt so right. 

Their chaste kiss by CJ’s pool had quickly turned passionate, and Josh certainly didn’t object when Donna had taken his hand and lead him to her casita. 

While she’d acted assertively, taking the reins and putting on an air of sophistication, he’d attempted to act somewhat cool and aloof, trying not to show just how much he wanted to take the next step with her.

But when the door closed behind them and they were truly alone, the act was over for both of them. The tone between them shifted. The vulnerability on both of their parts began to show through and the frenzied pace slowed to a gentle, passionate exploration. He’d never felt so completely accepted, and his chemistry with Donna was undeniable, as it had always been. 

He’d had feelings for Donna for years. He wouldn’t deny that. But he’d convinced himself she hadn’t felt the same way. Or that if she had, there had been too much that had come between them. He’d missed the opportunity. But last night had changed everything and he wondered if maybe he was wrong about where he thought he stood with Donna.

She shifted slightly, her hand running up his side before coming to rest on his ribs. She placed a few gentle kisses on his chest, the tenderness of her touch sending a warmth through him. And now that he’d had a taste, he knew he wouldn’t ever be able to get enough of her. 

“What are you thinking about,” she asked sleepily, moving closer to him, their bodies entwining once again as though they’d been sleeping like this for years. She’d always been able to tell when his mind was working in overtime. 

“You,” he answered honestly, not caring to elaborate. 

She smiled against him as he leaned down to kiss her good morning. As amazing as sleeping next to Donna was, this was certainly something worth waking up for.

“Mmmmm,” her hands traveled up his chest and across his shoulders to rest on his biceps. “This is nice,” she told him seductively, shifting her body under him ever so slightly.

He was in complete agreement, until he caught a glimpse of the clock on her nightstand. He groaned, knowing if he wasn’t out of bed in ten minutes he’d miss his flight, and though he would hardly care, he did have a meeting with the Speaker of the House that he had to get back for. One that the Speaker had already rescheduled more than once. One that was critical to wrench the next step of the Santos education reform plan through Congress. It was just too important to push off again. They might have had control of the House, but just barely, and Selner wasn’t reliable even when he wasn’t pissed at Josh. If he angered him any further, the President's agenda would never see the light of day. 

Josh rolled off her and propped himself up on his elbow. As he moved to sit up, her hand curled instinctively around his wrist. She pouted a little, hoping to persuade him.

“Oh God, Donna, I want to, but I have to be out of here in ten minutes to catch my flight.”

“I could find you a later flight,” she hedged, nervously moving her fingers to entwine with his before daring to glance up and meet his gaze. She could see the answer in his eyes, and the rejection stung a little.

“Don’t ask me to stay Donnatella,” he practically pleaded, leaning back over and nuzzling his face in close to her ear as he whispered. “Because I swear, I don’t have the power to say no to you right now.”

She stilled her motions and closed her eyes, leaning forward to gently rest her head against him, not saying anything.

He stayed where he was, holding her close, for just a few more moments. But eventually Josh knew what he had to do. He kissed her softly and stood, pulling on his clothing and gathering his things.

Donna sat up in bed, pulling the sheet up and biting her lip as she watched him move around the room. 

“I’m sorry I have to go,” he made his way back to her bedside, not knowing what else to say. “I’m so proud of all you’ve achieved,” he reiterated his sentiments regarding her graduation. “And last night was amazing,” he leaned in to softly kiss her. 

She felt herself blush slightly at the thought, which brought a smile to his face. Donna started to get up, to see him out, but Josh stopped her.

“Go back to sleep,” he encouraged her, stopping to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “Besides, I want to think of you just like this, laying in bed, naked, with that beautiful blush on your cheeks.”

Donna knew that she had to let him go, but it didn’t make the task any easier. And the afterglow was starting to give way to uncertainty. She certainly wasn’t sorry that she and Josh had made love. She just wasn’t sure where they stood now. 

“I’ll call you?” His voice rose on the last word, creating a question rather than making the promise he had first intended, and revealing more vulnerability than he usually let through.

“I’d like that,” she admitted somewhat shyly, running her hand softly through his hair and indulging in the opportunity to touch him one last time. “Goodbye, Joshua,” she told him. 

He kissed her once again before standing, taking his time to savor each moment with her, ingraining every detail into his memory. “Goodbye, Donnatella.” He opened the door and forced himself to walk out, not liking how final those goodbyes sounded, and hoping more than anything that this wasn’t a one night stand.


	28. Kiss & Tell

Once she’d had a shower and put on some clothes, Donna made her way to the main house. For the last hour, her rendezvous with Josh had been all she had been thinking about, and she desperately needed to get out of her own head. Donna opened the French doors and strolled into the living room, trying to act as casual as possible, even though she was pretty sure “I had sex last night” was written all over her face. 

“Morning,” CJ yawned from the kitchen, pulling the carafe out of the coffee maker.

“Morning,” Donna responded nonchalantly, relieved that so far CJ didn’t seem to suspect anything.

Both women turned as they heard a clamor coming out of the guest room. 

“Oh God,” Sam simply stated. He looked completely disoriented as he stood in the doorway clad in boxers and an undershirt. “What… happened?” He took a few steps and stopped himself, slamming his eyes shut and swallowing hard. 

“You enjoyed the champagne, Spanky, that’s what happened,” CJ offered with an amused grin. 

Sam slowly held up one hand, almost begging for mercy. “Don’t say that word.”

“What word?” CJ grinned unrepentantly. 

“Champagne.” Sam swallowed hard, obviously trying not to lose the contents of his stomach in CJ’s living room. He took another few steps and shuffled towards the couch, losing his equilibrium in the process and stumbling sideways onto the couch. He landed on his stomach, face in a pillow. 

CJ and Donna exchanged glances, stifling their laughter, before turning their attention back to Sam, who didn’t even bother to lift his head out of the pillow as he waved them off and spoke a muffled reassurance. “I’m fine. I’ll just be right here if you need me.”

Donna shrugged her shoulders as CJ placed a mug at the kitchen counter, pouring a cup of coffee.

“So,” Donna began as she slid onto the barstool, in a tone that led CJ to believe she was about to discuss the weather. 

“So?” CJ was hardly paying attention, taking another sip of her coffee as Donna picked up the morning’s paper. 

“I slept with Josh last night.”

“WHAT?!” CJ and Sam practically screamed in unison. 

CJ coughed repeatedly on the coffee she was sipping, having to sit down her mug and gasp for air as Sam turned a new shade of green from the quick movement. 

“Hold that thought,” Sam requested, sprinting into the powder room.

Donna pretended to read the headlines, going about her business unfazed as CJ did her best impression of Gail from across the kitchen counter. 

“Well?!” CJ practically shouted when she came to, snatching the paper from Donna’s hands.

“What?” Donna pouted. 

“Don’t you ‘what’ me! Are you suddenly Elizabeth Taylor?”

“No.” She furrowed her brow.

“Then stop acting SO DAMN CASUAL and spill your guts.” The level of shock and, quite frankly, interest was evident in CJ’s voice which was now nearing a high pitched yell. 

“But not too many details,” Sam pleaded, shuffling over to sit down next to her. “I don’t want to throw up again.” He placed his face on the cool granite countertop and closed his eyes. “I’m with you in spirit, I swear.” 

“No details,” Donna assured with a gentle smile. Those precious, tender moments would stay between just the two of them forever. “It just… happened.” She tried to shrug her shoulders, but even she wasn’t convinced.

“Well it didn’t JUST happen,” CJ offered. “It’s been, what, ten years?”

“Eleven.” Sam didn’t even bother to open his eyes. 

Donna was losing her resolve to be causal and unattached, though in completely honesty she knew that plan had probably gone out the window a decade prior. Aloof was not exactly her middle name.

The night before was an emotional awakening for her. But she knew who she was dealing with- and Josh Lyman didn’t exactly seem like he was seeking a committed relationship.

“Why aren’t you freaking out right now?” CJ raised an eyebrow and applied a mild amount of caution to her inquiry. 

“I AM!” Donna practically shouted, letting her body droop down to rest on the counter, her face against the cool marble, mimicking Sam.

“Easy with the volume,” Sam mumbled, grabbing his head for a moment, before moving as little as possible to pat her on the hand. 

CJ grabbed a bottle of aspirin from the cupboard and handed it to Sam with a glass of water and a look that warned him to get it together. 

“Okay, so what does this mean?” CJ was trying to figure out what she was dealing with here. Josh and Donna had always had a delicate balance and it sounded to her as though the scales might have just tilted wildly, though from Donna’s tone of voice, CJ couldn’t quite tell in which direction. 

“Nothing.” Donna remarked firmly, sitting up and taking a deep breath. “It doesn’t mean... “ she couldn’t bring herself to finish that thought. It certainly meant something to her. “It was bound to happen sometime.”

Sam and CJ exchanged glances. They’d both thought that Donna had developed a healthy understanding of her feelings for Josh over the last years away from him, but now she was pushing them under the rug again, right when it was most important that she do the opposite. 

“Donna…” 

“Don’t.” Donna closed her eyes. “Please,” she almost whispered, “Just... don’t.”

CJ nodded her understanding. She’d circle back to this later.

Though the friends had all disbursed not long after their morning conversation with Donna, none of them had been able to think of much aside from the revelation that morning. Donna had confined herself to her casita, not wishing to talk about the subject any further and providing a flimsy excuse of needing a nap to CJ in an effort to avoid having to talk about it.

Sam, who had accepted a ride home from Danny and poured himself in the passenger seat of a car a few hours prior, groaned from his spot on the couch, his head still pounding from the fun he’d had the night prior. 

He’d hobbled home, drank a Gatorade and as much water as he could stand. He was trying to get himself together but the pounding on his front door wasn’t helping things. 

"Are you a murderer?" he croaked from his couch, not even bothering to remove the cool cloth he'd placed over his eyes.

"No..." CJ, who was knocking impatiently on the other side of the door, thought that was an odd question.

"Or a robber?"

"No..."

"Then it's unlocked." Sam muttered. He just wanted silence again. 

CJ breezed in, coming to a full halt in Sam’s living room and stifling a laugh as she took in the sight of her friend, who was still severely hungover. Sam’s hair was going a million directions. “Are you going to Josh’s barber now?” She smirked at him. 

Sam grumbled something and leaned to his left slightly to look in a mirror, cringing a bit when he saw himself. He ducked into his bedroom to splash some water on his face and comb his hair, throwing on a change of clothes and rummaging around for his glasses. 

When he returned to the living room he was greeted with CJ’s peace offering. “I brought you a hangover smorgasbord,” she waived her arms. “Gatorade, ginger ale, saltines and... a grease bomber cheeseburger.” She grinned like the Cheshire Cat. 

Sam made a face. “Maybe I’ll just put together a spinach salad,” he told her, making his way into the kitchen. “What can I do for you, Ceej?” He was curious as to the nature of her visit. 

“We need a plan,” she stated. 

 

“We do?”

“Well, we don’t need to come up with one so much as implement the ideas I came up with in the car.”

“What’s it for?” Sam peered into his refrigerator. 

“To get Josh and Donna together.”

Sam groaned. “Maybe I’ll take the burger after all,” he grabbed the greasy bag from CJ, who immediately followed behind him and launched into her idea. 

“We just need them to spend a little more time together,” CJ told Sam, reaching into the take out bag.

“I thought that burger was for me.”

“I bought two. Anyway, I’m just saying we need them to see what we all see,” she took a huge bite.

“You know how Josh feels about other people interfering in his personal life,” Sam warned.

“I do,” she hedged. “But that rule typically doesn’t apply to you or Donna. And since we’re talking about making Josh see how much he can’t live without Donna, I figure we’re fine.”

“CJ, as much as I agree with you, I’d just like to point out that this could go very, very wrong. And then what do we have? A heartbroken Donna and a Chief of Staff who works himself, quite literally, to death? They’re our best friends! They deserve better than that!”

“You’re right,” she told Sam resolutely. “They are our best friends. And frankly, Sam, I’m not sure if things could get any worse than they were two years ago. At least now they’ll know. And that’s… something.” 

CJ sat her burger down and sighed. This better work. 

She knew that Josh and Donna were made for each other, they had always just been too stubborn to see it for themselves. They just needed a little nudge in the right direction.


	29. Finding The Way

Josh was scared. He knew without a doubt that Donna was the missing piece in his life. She always had been, really. And he was scared out of his mind that he’d ruined what they had between by allowing himself to reach for something more.

He lay on the couch in his office in the dark staring at the screen of his Blackberry, his thumb hovering over the send button on the text message he’d typed out to her. Over the last 3 weeks they’d spoken on the phone a few times, the conversations going well, in Josh’s opinion, and ending when he was interrupted by his assistant for his next appointment. 

But he wanted more than just an occasional phone call. It was starting to feel like they’d had a one night stand. In moments of clarity, when he allowed himself time to think about her, he knew that more than anything else he wanted more of a relationship with her. He just didn’t know what to do about it. 

Today had been a long, difficult day. He was meeting opposition at every turn and the press had yet to completely ease up over Hellhound. Combining that with activity in Kazakhstan and increased chatter in Kashmir and he was on edge. 

He was too exhausted to play out all of the scenarios in his head about what Donna was to him now, and he didn’t want to over analyze his next move. All he wanted, all he needed, in that moment was to hear the sound of her voice. 

You up?

There. He’d sent it. Even with the time difference, he wasn’t sure she’d be awake, and he didn’t want to call her in the middle of the night with nothing to say. They weren’t back to that yet.

His phone rang only a few seconds later.

“Hey.” He knew the relief he felt upon hearing her came through in his voice, and he had no intention to hide it.

“Hey yourself,” she tried to keep things light.

“What are you doing up at this hour?”

“It’s 11:45, Josh. It’s not unheard of to be awake,” she smiled softly, thinking of all the nights they’d spent together burning the midnight oil in his office. 

“I suppose not,” he admitted, pulling his tie off and kicking off his shoes. 

“But it’s later where you are,” she began softly, the worry starting to seep through in her voice. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he stated in a tone that didn’t convince either of them. “It’s just been a day and I wanted to…” he trailed off, unsure of how she’d respond. But what did he have to lose? “I just wanted to hear your voice.”

She smiled on her end of the line. “Well, I’m glad you called. Want to tell me what’s going on?”

“No,” he sighed. “I mean, yes. I do. But I can’t. And I’m not just saying that.”

“It’s okay,” she delicately interjected. “I understand. This is me,” she reminded him. “I know there are things you can’t discuss, and that’s okay. Why don’t you tell me about something else instead? You went to Rome a few months ago, right? How was that?”

“A mess,” Josh admitted. “Our advance people really dropped the ball and the meeting we had with the UN Agricultural Development Fund was really nothing that couldn’t have happened on a conference call.”

“I meant the city.”

“What about it?” He wasn’t following.

Though he couldn’t see it, she shook her head ever so slightly. It was just such a ‘Josh’ response. “You were in Rome. Are you telling me you didn’t take advantage of that at any point?” 

“You know how these things go, Donna. It’s a quick turn around, I have to staff the President, there are a million things going on…” he trailed off, suddenly understanding what she was looking for. She’d never been there and she wanted him to describe it to her. She wanted him to talk about something other than work. She wanted him to relax and be in the moment with her. Switching gears, he continued on “But you’re right. It is a beautiful city.”

“Yeah?”

“I went once with my parents. Did you know that?”

She did, but she could also tell the question was rhetorical. She also knew he’d been again in college for a long weekend, during his Fullbright semester. 

“The architecture. Everywhere you look it’s an ancient building with some bit of history in its walls.” He could visualize her strolling down the cobblestone streets, stopping to admire the small pieces of history along the way. In his mind, he was right beside her, gently clutching her hand and watching her in awe as she took in the sights and sounds around her.

“It sounds amazing.”

“You’d love it there.” Of that, he was absolutely sure. “We should go.”

Though the offer may have slipped out due to his exhaustion, he realized it was genuine. Just the thought of spending uninterrupted time away with her was having a calming effect.

She laughed softly and he felt the subtle sting of rejection, even if his notion was only a few seconds old. 

“They’re your people, Donnatella. You should be amongst them,” he tried to deflect. 

“Josh, you don’t even have time to go home and sleep. How are you going to find the take me to Rome?”

He didn’t have a response for that, but he supposed she had a point.

“But you’re right,” she continued, “I’m sure I would love it there. And it’s sweet of you to suggest.”

“Hey… how do you know I’m not at home?” he suddenly realized what she’d said.

“Joshua.” her tone spoke volumes. She could still see right through him when it came to some things.

“Alright, alright. I’m on the couch in my office.”

“It’s funny,” she smiled somewhat sadly, knowing it wasn’t actually funny at all, “that’s why I kept a couch out of your office for so many years. I thought maybe it would force you to go home. Maybe I should call your assistant in the morning and have it removed so you’ll get a decent night’s sleep once in a while.”

“You could come out here and do it yourself,” he bat back playfully. 

She let out a soft puff of air, and Josh was immediately self conscious. 

“I’m sorry you had to take care of me for so many years,” he told her. It was something he’d always meant to say, but he’d never found the right time. This was as good as any, he supposed.

“Josh, please don’t say that.” Her voice, tinged with emotion, practically pleaded with him.

“It shouldn't have been your job,” he continued. He needed her to know that he was sorry for driving her away. Though he was still attempting to come to terms with why they fell apart, he figured this may be a good step in the right direction for them. He didn’t know what was happening between them, but he knew they needed to clear the air, a little bit at a time.

“It wasn’t my job, Josh.” Donna was adamant. “I didn’t force you to eat right and get a decent amount of sleep because I was your assistant, I did it because I care about you. You know that, right?” 

He’d always hoped that was the case, but over the course of the last few years, he’d doubted everything when it came to his perceived relationship with her. After all, he’d driven her away. And he’d spent many sleepless nights obsessing over the possible reasons. 

“Joshua, Josh, Josh.”

“What’s happening right now?”

“I don’t regret a second I’ve spent with you. I just want you to know that.”

Josh felt a portion of the weight he’d been carrying lift off of his shoulders, a little bit of his guilt erased. She couldn’t see it but he beamed from his spot on the couch. Maybe there was hope for them after all. He had no idea where they were headed, but he had to cling to the hope that they had a future. It was all he had.

“Not even the night you dressed up as the East German cocktail waitress?” he deflected. Although he wanted to know where this conversation would have lead, some things needed to be done in person, he decided.

He was relieved to hear her genuine laughter at the memory. “I think that whole night goes in the Josh Lyman Hall of Fame.”

“Me?!”

“Yes, you. You were the mastermind,” she kid with a flirtatious edge to her voice.

“Well I certainly won’t argue with that,” he smirked. “You know, there are plenty more where that one came from. And there’s still a lot on the agenda out here. I could use some help…” he trailed off, knowing he was walking into uncertain territory.

“Josh…”

“You have a political science degree, what better place to be than here?”

“We’ve talked about this…” she gave a gentle warning.

“I know,” he quickly admitted defeat. He didn’t want their call to take a wrong turn. “But you can’t blame a guy for trying.”

He’d brought up the possibility of her moving to DC more than once, but Donna had demurred, explaining that she wasn’t ready to live that life again. She was happy in California. Josh had no argument. She had an amazing life on the west coast, and he could hardly think of any reason to convince her that living inside the beltway would be a better option.

They spoke for a few more minutes, but they were both beginning to fade. 

“You better get some sleep,” she told him. “But try to go home at some point tomorrow, okay?

“I will,” he promised. 

“Night, Josh.” 

“Sweet dreams, Donnatella.”

He ended the call and shifted on his couch, knowing he needed to try for an hour or two before he was called back to the sit room. With any luck, he’d dream of her.


	30. Rulers Make Bad Lovers

“I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine…”

Josh sat at his desk, singing softly to himself and double checking his plans for the weekend. Her plane would be landing at National in an hour and he’d moved heaven and earth to clear enough time in his schedule to surprise her at baggage claim. 

He’d made dinner reservations for the two of them that evening, allowing her plenty of time to get settled in and rest after her flight. He’d have to come back to finish his day at the office, but he desperately wanted to greet her at the airport. Josh didn’t want anything to be left open for interpretation this weekend.

He grabbed his Blackberry and made his way towards the portico where his car and his agents waited. Making a few short work calls on the way, helped distract him from his anxiousness to see her again. They’d stopped to pick up the flowers he’d ordered for her that morning, and Josh gripped them tight as he sat somewhat nervously in the back of his vehicle waiting for his detail to give him the go ahead to enter the airport. He was thanking his lucky stars that there didn’t appear to be any press waiting around.

It was only a few moments after he entered the terminal before he saw her emerge from the restricted area. He didn’t bother to hide his full dimpled grin as he bounced a bit on the ball of his feet. Even after 5 hours on an airplane, she still looked beautiful to him.

He saw her face change, her expressions moving from shock to nerves to joy as he stepped forward to greet her.

“You’re really here,” he kissed her softly, wrapping his arms around her. Airport etiquette be damned, he’d missed her. He was relieved to see CJ’s grin rather than a look of admonishment at his public display of affection.

“Hi, Ceej,” he offered, giving her a quick hug.

“You look nice,” CJ told him, noting he’d worn what appeared to be a new suit.

He wrapped his arm around Donna as they made their way to the car, Josh and CJ catching up along the way. 

Even through his clothing Donna could tell that he’d lost more weight in the last month. And when she studied his face, she could see he hadn’t been sleeping, either. Though his eyes were bright at the moment, and he was obviously happy to see her, it was clear to Donna that Josh was just barely managing to keep himself pulled together. 

The three rode to CJ’s apartment in Georgetown, chatting easily along the way, Josh’s arm resting behind Donna’s shoulders on the seat of the car.

“I didn’t realize you kept this place,” Josh remarked. 

“Well, Danny and I are both back and forth quite a bit. He spends about a week out here every month for work, so we just hung onto it. Beats a hotel,” CJ shrugged. 

The agents pulled into a parking spot in front of CJ’s building and opened the door as the three climbed out. 

Rocky advised Josh that they’d need him to wait in the vehicle while they secured the premises, but CJ chimed in, advising that wouldn’t be necessary. She grabbed her small bag and began to make her way up the steps into the building. 

“It’s really okay, Josh,” Donna assured, taking her bag as well. “I’m sure you need to get back to work. I’ll see you at 8?” 

“You’re staying here?” He was confused by the sight of her suitcase in her hand. 

“I- Yes? Where else would I stay?”

“You didn’t even want to ask me?” 

She was completely thrown off by the look of rejection in his eyes.

“I came out here with CJ. It was implied that I’d stay here.”

“Well, un-imply it.”

“It’s too late to do that now. Plus I’m going to the charity dinner with her tomorrow.”

“Exactly! You’re spending tomorrow with her as it is and you’re only here for 3 nights to begin with. She gets to see you every single day in California, Donna!”

“Josh,” she softened her tone, hooking her pinky finger with his. She knew he meant well with all of this. “You’re going back to the office right now anyway. You won’t even know I’m not there. And I’ll see you tonight at 8 and hopefully,” she dropped her voice, “we’ll end up back at your place.”

“Great,” he grumbled turning back towards his vehicle and away from her, “It’s okay to have sex at my place but you won’t stay with me.”

“Wait!” She grabbed his hand, causing him to face her once again. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Yeah.” He slid his sunglasses on, trying to hide his defeat. “I’ll see you later.”

“Joshua,” she stepped closer, her body pressed lightly against his as she took his other hand. “It’s really not what I meant. It’s just that staying together, well, it’s a step. And I wasn’t sure you were really ready.”

He studied her eyes, knowing she was speaking from the heart. He immediately regretted the way he’d reacted. He leaned down and kissed her chastely, offering her a sad smile. They still had a lot of ground to cover.

“I'll pick you up at 8?” He confirmed their plans. Unfortunately, he didn’t have time to say everything he’d need to before he would be herded back into the car by his agents. 

“I’m looking forward to it.” She squeezed his hand before letting go and made her way into CJ’s apartment as Josh climbed into his SUV and was driven back to the White House.

But when 7:45 rolled around, and Donna’s cell phone rang she knew the call on the other end wasn’t going to be to let her know he’d arrived early. 

“I can’t leave,” he explained. “If I could, I would. But I’m going to be in and out of the room all night and I really can’t leave the building.”

“I know.” And she did. She’d seen first hand the amount of time and energy a night in and out of the situation room would require. She knew it was beyond his control.

“God, Donna, I’m so sorry.” The regret permeated through his voice.

“It happens,” she tried to sound understanding, though she felt the disappointment herself.

“Donna? This isn’t- I mean, about earlier. This isn’t because of that.”

Her heart broke at the sound of his explanation. He carried more guilt than she could ever understand. “I know its not, Josh,” she assured him. “I know you wouldn’t do that. Things are bound to come up, you’re the Chief of Staff to the President of the United States.”

“I had a whole thing planned,” he admitted. “Dinner, of course. And then I thought we could walk around the mall and get ice cream from that place you like.” 

Donna grinned on her end of the phone. “That sounds wonderful. I guess you really can bring the woo.”

“Only for you, Donnatella.”

 

“Well, it’s not a lost cause,” she pointed out. “We still have most of the weekend to spend together.”

“We do,” he agreed. “But I’m not sure I can wait that long to see you.”

“Call me tomorrow?” 

“Absolutely.”

 

Josh was as good as his word, calling Donna the next morning. Unfortunately for both of them, he didn’t have good news. He’d been up all night but he still wasn’t able to get away. She’d seen it all on TV by that time, the build up of forces by India and Pakistan in Kashmir dominating the morning news cycle. 

“Keep your head in the game,” she told him. “I’ll be here when it’s over. And get some rest when you can, okay?”

He’d agreed, although begrudgingly, to do as much.

CJ and Donna spent the afternoon getting their hair and nails done before changing into their red dresses and heading to the charity dinner. Though it had been a while since Donna had mingled at a DC fundraiser, she fell right back into her old rhythm. She smiled and made conversation with a wide variety of the DC inner circle. She’d been pleasantly surprised to see a few of the other guests, and acted as though she was when she’d run into a few of the others. 

“Ok, what do you think?” CJ came up next to her at the bar. “Another hour and then we head out?” 

“It’s your show,” Donna joked. “If you need to network I understand.”

CJ shrugged her shoulders. “I’ve spoken with everyone who has needed to see me. I’ve delivered a sizeable check and the promise of future partnership with the Hollis Foundation. I’ve done my shtick.”

Donna chuckled at CJ’s choice of words. 

“Have you heard from your man?” CJ grinned unrepentantly, batting her eyelashes at Donna. 

“I haven’t.” She glanced up at the TV over the bar. “I thought maybe this would clue me in to what was going on.”

CJ’s eyes shifted to the center screen, showing a world news report. The news network was covering the same thing they’d been reporting all day, the crawl at the bottom confirming reports of growing tensions in the region. 

The main screen switched over to a popular panel segment, Donna and CJ both rolling their eyes and walking away when Mary Marsh was introduced. 

They mingled for a while longer before CJ spotted Donna smiling softly as she read something on the screen of her cell phone. 

Exhausted. He’d written. But finally headed home. Where are you?

Still at the thing. She’d responded. Can I come over after?

Wouldn’t have it any other way. She’d grinned at his final message.

As soon as Donna looked up, CJ gave her a small nod and they casually made their way to the exit, hailing a cab. Donna rode back to CJ’s, gathering her suitcase to head to Josh’s. She knew he likely hadn’t slept more than a few minutes in the last two days, and that he was probably on the verge of unspooling completely, but that didn’t deter her. Even if he just fell asleep as soon as she walked in the door, that would be alright. She just wanted to be near him. 

“So, I’ll just see you at the airport?” CJ couldn’t help but smile knowingly over the glass of water she stood sipping in the kitchen.

Donna blushed a little. “Oh, I, um… yes.”

“Good,” CJ assured her. “You two need some time alone.”

“Right.” Donna nodded slowly, pleased by her friend’s approval, letting herself out of the apartment to make her way the few blocks to Josh’s house.

The agents at the door were clearly expecting her, simply nodding upon her arrival and allowing her to knock on his door.

He answered quickly, practically pulling her inside and immediately kissing the air out of her lungs as she threw her arms around him and kicked the door shut behind her.


	31. The Plan

“That was… horrendous.” CJ slid into the front seat of her car and stared at Donna. 

“But don’t you feel energized now?” Donna took a long drink from her bottle of water.

“No!” CJ didn’t mask her indignance. “I just paid for someone to yell at me and now my legs feel like they’re made of the same chemical compounds as Jello.”

“It’s a boot camp class, Ceej. That’s what’s supposed to happen. Get used to it, we signed up for 6 weeks of this.”

“And don’t think I’ve forgotten that it was your brilliant idea. I promise you. There will be retribution.”

Donna began to giggle in the passenger seat. 

“What’s so funny?” CJ furrowed her brow and glanced to her right as she pulled into traffic. 

“You yelled back!” Donna couldn’t contain herself. “The instructor told us to push it and keep going and you actually pulled out the Press Secretary voice and you yelled back!”

“I really did.” CJ’s amusement rose slowly as she thought about the last hour of exercise and soon she was laughing just as hard as Donna.

Their laughter eventually died and they rode home in light traffic, chatting about whatever popped into their minds. 

“Hey, I wanted to ask you something,” CJ turned the radio down a bit. “A week from Friday there’s a fundraiser for AIDS research. It’s a charity dinner and the foundation is sending me but Danny’s going to be in New York that weekend. Want to go?”

“Sure,” Donna didn’t mind getting dressed up and spending an evening promoting a worthy cause with CJ. 

“The thing is, it’s in DC,” CJ watched for Donna’s reaction out of her peripheral vision. 

“Okay,” Donna nodded her agreement, a small smile quirking up in the corner of her mouth

“Why, Miss Moss,” CJ grinned, “Aren’t you quick to agree?”

“I like DC and I haven’t been back since I moved. It’ll be good to see… people.” Donna played coy, knowing that CJ was going to press her for details. 

“Ah, yes. Well, I’m sure ‘people’ will be glad to see you too.”

Donna hoped so.

“The charity dinner is Friday at 8. I thought we’d fly out Thursday morning, if that works for you. And then let’s come back Sunday evening?”

“Alright. Oh! We can get our nails done at the place!”

“I love the place!” CJ exclaimed. “And we need to find something to wear. We can comb through my closet later tonight and see what we find. Are you busy tomorrow afternoon? We can go shopping for some new accessories.”

“Sounds great,” Donna agreed readily, making a mental note to pick up some new lingerie before the trip as well. 

“I’m looking forward to this,” CJ grinned with honesty as they pulled into the driveway next to Sam’s car. 

“I can’t wait,” Donna practically gushed. 

“Looks like Spanky’s here for the lawn and garden expo that is my backyard,” CJ nodded to the stacks for plants and fertilizer by the back gate. 

Donna chuckled. “I’m just going to shower and make a quick call. I’ll pop back over and see what the guys want to do for lunch in a minute.”

“Okay,” CJ nodded, knowing exactly why Donna was in such a rush as she watched her friend pull the cell phone from her bag. Her plan was working like a charm.

Donna let herself into her casita, sending Josh a quick message. He was likely busy with Saturday morning meetings and she didn’t want to call and interrupt. Besides- he always jumped to the worst case scenario in his mind. And this time she was calling with what she hoped he’d see as good news. 

Squeeze me in?

It had become their little code when she was asking if he had time to take her call. She clicked send and hopped quickly into the shower, knowing it was usually a moment before he responded. After she was out and wrapped in a towel her phone buzzed on the vanity. 

Always.

She smiled at his response, placing the call and holding her ringing phone between her ear and her shoulder as she moved around her bedroom. 

“Good afternoon, sweetheart,” he answered after the first ring. The term of endearment seemed to flow effortlessly and it warmed Donna’s heart. It reminded her of when he had all sorts of nicknames for her. For a second, she considered drawing attention to it, but she didn’t want him to feel awkward or backtrack. She’d just take whatever she could get.

“Technically, it’s still morning here.” She bantered. He laughed, and Donna could hear the springs squeak as he leaned back in his office chair. 

“Well, by my watch . . .”

“We both know that your watch sucks.” She cut in still laughing. It felt good to banter with him again. She grinned to herself as she sat down on the edge of her bed.

“Touche.” Josh laughed, letting her have the win in the war of words.

“So, hey,” her tone changed, as she fiddled somewhat nervously with the corner of her bath towel. “I’m going to be in DC next weekend. And I’d like to, um, see you.” 

She didn’t know why she was so nervous. They banter was back and it was easy. The flirting was easier too. But calling him up and suggesting they actually get together felt a little bit like a booty call. And that wasn’t easy at all, especially when she knew she wanted much more than that. They both knew how to bring the banter, and the flirt, but the reality of spending time together in this new capacity was completely different territory for them..

“Yeah?” His voice squeaked, which she knew meant he was nervous too. He cleared his throat, “I’d like to see you too.” He managed in more of a normal voice.

She couldn’t help but grin at his response. 

“I’m going to a charity dinner with CJ on Friday evening, but other than that I don’t have any plans.”

“Well, now you do.” 

“Oh?” She cocked her head to the side, even though he couldn’t see her, and played a little coy. 

“Yes,” he told her, his voice booming with a confidence he didn’t otherwise feel. “Dinner with me on Thursday.”

She shifted slightly where she sat. Perhaps they were interested in the same thing. She only hoped she wasn’t reading the situation wrong. 

“Alright,” she readily agreed. “How about 8:00?”

“Okay. It’s… It’s a date.” He let his words hang in the air between him.

“Yes,” she confirmed, smiling to herself, “It’s a date.”


	32. What the Doctor Ordered

“Hi,” he kissed the top of her head and watched her eyes flutter open in the morning light. 

“Mmmm,” she nestled in closer to him. “What time is it?”

“It’s 6:08,” he glanced at the clock.

“S’only 3am for me. Go back to sleep.” She planted a gentle kiss on his chest without even opening her eyes and buried herself back into his arms. 

He smiled at her groggy state. Though Donna had always been a morning person, he knew the time change had thrown her off. Not to mention the fact that she no longer regularly woke up at 4 am to put in an 18 hour workday.

Donna drifted back to sleep, content to simply be in his arms. 

It wasn’t long before Josh’s cell phone and pager both began to chirp. She sat up as he fumbled to silence them, reaching to dial the White House to see what was so urgent. Donna rolled closer to him, draping her arm across his lap and reveling in what she knew would be the last quiet moments of their morning together. His hand lazily tangled in her hair, a stark contradiction to the speed and force with which he was speaking into his phone. 

Once Josh ended the call and slid his cell onto his nightstand, he remained silent. He didn’t want to move from where he was. He hated that work was interfering… again. Though there was little that he could do regarding the circumstances of this particular problem, he knew in the back of his mind that if it wasn’t Kashmir it would be an education vote or funding foreign aid, or an unfriendly op ed in the Times. They were all important, but his job was all consuming. He had, he supposed, done that to himself. With no desire for a personal life and no real reason to come home at night, he’d taken on more and more. He’d made himself available around the clock, and now the White House was used to Josh dropping everything and running in. 

She sat up in bed. “Go,” she kissed him quickly, knowing what was on his mind. But he had to head to the White House one way or another, so Donna thought may as well make it as easy on him as possible. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and grabbed his hasity discarded shirt from the day prior off of the chair in corner, pulling it on. “I’ll make coffee.” 

He stood, following her to the doorway, wishing the morning would have taken a different path. 

“Donna, I’m-”

“Shhh,” she placed her finger gently on his lips to silence him. “Don’t apologize. Just do your best to fix the world.”

He pulled her close and held onto her. She really did understand. He couldn’t believe he’d gotten so lucky as to find her in his lifetime, never mind finding her twice. 

Josh took a quick shower and kissed Donna goodbye. 

“I shouldn’t be too long,” he told her before he walked out the door. “Just make yourself at home. I’ll call when I can.”

“I know you will,” she smiled, closing the door behind him. 

Donna glanced around the apartment she had once been so familiar with, noticing how seemingly nothing had changed, before she made her way back to the bedroom. It was clear to her that Josh’s cleaning lady still came every other week, but she was beginning to notice something else, too. From the completely bare fridge and freezer to the empty cupboards, his apartment looked as though Josh really didn’t spend any time in it. Donna began to wonder just how many nights he was really sleeping in the White House. 

Retrieving her small toiletries bag from her suitcase, she grabbed a towel and started his shower. She might as well get going for the day, too. Realizing she’d left her toothpaste on CJ’s vanity, Donna opened Josh’s medicine cabinet to retrieve the tube she knew he stored there. 

She paused and bit her lip at the sight of the contents of the small cabinet. Empty pill bottles sat on the shelves, mingling with prescriptions that appeared as though they’d never been opened. She took a shaky breath before reaching for an empty orange bottle and reading the label for Josh’s cholesterol medication. She wasn’t even aware he needed to be taking anything for that. And, it was over 6 months old. Why hadn’t he thrown it away? That’s when it hit her. He hadn’t refilled it.

Donna, nervous from her discovery, scanned the rest of the shelf. Blood thinners, ACE inhibitors, muscle relaxers and paxil were mixed in amongst a variety of over the counter remedies. She picked up another bottle, this one with a single pill left, and read the label. Nitrates. She felt the tears that had been forming in her eyes begin to stream down her cheeks. She knew what this one meant. He was having chest pains. 

Donna bit her lip and opened the top drawer of his vanity. She’d purchased him a pill organizer the winter after Rosslyn and it appeared as though he was still using it. But clearly, he’d missed two entire days that week, if the week was even current. And who could even tell what he was really supposed to be taking?

Donna knew he was busy and stressed, but she didn’t understand how he could be so indifferent about his health. She clung to the hope that he’d had another set of medication in his office, but judging by the state of affairs everything in his life seemed to be in, she wouldn’t count on it.

She sat the pill organizer back in the drawer but knew that something had to be done about the way that he was, or rather wasn't, taking care of himself. He was working himself into an early grave, and she felt her heart begin to crumble at the mere thought. She took the hottest shower she could stand and tried to put this new revelation out of her mind for a few hours, though the task proved to be nearly impossible. 

She’d go to the store and stock his fridge with healthy options and prepared meals, she decided. Then she would change his sheets and fold a load of laundry for him. They were the only things she could think to do for him while he was gone to show that she cared.

While she folded the last towel, she looked around his bedroom at the small changes she’d made and decided that it felt good to take care of him again, even in such small measure. 

She’d created a life that she could be proud of after her departure from the White House, and she’d stayed busy, but when she’d slowed down for even a moment, she’d missed him. Missed his presence, missed his humor, missed the occasional touch on the arm that sent a jolt through her every time. 

She’d spent the last two and a half years rebuilding and trying to ignore the hole in her heart and now, standing in his apartment, folding towels, the most mundane of tasks, she felt completely at home. She didn't feel taken advantage of or belittled. She was simply happy to be doing something to help him, anything, because she could now admit that she was in love with him. It wasn’t her job to take care of him, and to a certain extent it never had been, but she’d always done it because she wanted to, and now she felt that she was truly, finally, allowed to want to.


	33. To the Beat of Our Hearts

The evening had gone as well as Donna could have ever imagined. Josh returned to his apartment from The White House in more than enough time to make their dinner reservations. He’d complimented her appearance and opened doors for her. They were tucked away in a corner booth of one of the nicest French restaurants in town and the conversation hadn’t so much as seen a lull. He was leaning in to her, as close as possible, speaking softly and taking every possible opportunity to lightly touch her. At one point, Donna found her hand resting easily on his thigh and didn’t care to remove it. 

He’d ordered a rich, chocolaty dessert, then gently insisted that she share it with him, an indulgence he knew she didn’t often allow herself, and they’d both enjoyed an after dinner cup of coffee. She was leaning into him, his hand tracing gentle patterns on her arm.

“You ready to get out of here?” he asked softly.

She nodded affirmatively and they quietly made their way out of the restaurant and to his waiting car, relieved that Josh hadn’t been stopped along the way. Once they’d arrived to Josh’s apartment, Donna felt herself starting to relax even more. Though she’d thoroughly enjoyed their evening, there was something so easy about being alone with Josh, and she prefered it to the fancy restaurant under the watchful eyes of the DC elite. 

“So,” he fumbled around the mostly dark apartment for a moment, before finding the light switch and flooding the room with brightness. “No, no,” he murmured softly, immediately adjusting the dimmer until the room was bathed in a soft light. “I would have liked to take you dancing. But I’m not sure where exactly to go for that and what the secret service needs to get us into that kind of place. So I hoped you’d dance with me here?”

He extended his hand to her and Donna followed him without hesitation. He pressed the remote button to turn on the stereo and pulled her close, swaying with her in his living room. 

Dancing had always been a significant event for them. An opportunity to share a meaningful moment without concern. They could hold each other close without raised eyebrows or whispers. No matter the circumstances, they’d always clung to the few moments they’d been able to share in the subtle intimacy of the dancefloor. 

Donna tried to live in the moment. To not think about the times they’d hurt each other. They’d both made plenty of mistakes. But somehow they were healing. 

It was a concept that would have seemed impossible to her only months prior. But here she was, in his arms again. She wouldn’t focus on the past. She didn’t let herself think about the future either. But this time they had more than a few moments. More than just the length of one song. For the night, at least, he was hers. And she would fully enjoy it.

Donna sighed contentedly and rest her head against him. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” He laced his fingers into hers and gently kissed her hand before moving to rest it against his heart. 

“I just…” she stopped. It was the conversation they’d been avoiding for weeks and she didn’t want to open the floodgates and ruin an otherwise perfect evening. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing,” he bent his head slightly to look at her. “You can talk to me.”

“Tonight was wonderful, Josh,” she told him with sincerity. “And I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

She could feel him tense. He was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. Josh stopped swaying and leaned slightly away from her so that he could see her face.

“Why do I sense that there is a ‘but’ coming?”

“It’s not…” she paused again. She really didn’t want to do this right now. “The thing is... I’m scared, Josh.” 

There. She’d said it. 

“Of what?” he felt his pulse quicken. “Of me?”

“Well,” she closed her eyes for a moment, trying to regain her bearings. “Of losing you.”

He couldn’t help but to hold her a little closer upon her revelation. He’d been terrified of the same thing. 

“You’re not going to lose me,” he tried to assure her, but the blanket statement of comfort didn’t do much to ease Donna’s fears. 

“How can you say that?” The words were out of her mouth faster than she’d known what she was doing. Apparently, she did want to have this conversation tonight. 

“Donna, I know I’m not very good with relationships, and I say the wrong thing more than the right, but you’re not going to lose me. I’m afraid you’re going to wake up one day and realize that you’re better off without me and leave again.”

He heard her sharp intake of breath and immediately tried to correct his error. “That’s not what I meant,” he told her urgently.

“Only it was,” she continued, a somber expression on her face, as she took a step back from him. “I didn’t leave you, Josh. Either time. I left the job.”

He scrubbed his hand over his face, trying to make sense of the complete turn of events unfolding in front of him. He may as well be honest. 

“But it felt like you left me,” he admitted. “It felt like it was me that you couldn’t stand anymore. It felt that way for a long time, Donna.” he backed up and perched on the end of his couch, staring at the floor. “If I’m being honest, it still does.”

Her heart broke at his admission. 

“I didn’t… I would never, Josh. I always want you in my life. I just… I was looking for more from my job. And when you didn’t meet with me it felt like you were blowing me off.”

His head snapped up. “I wasn’t blowing you off!” He sounded borderline desperate. “There was one crisis after another and-”

“I said it felt like you were blowing me off, Josh.” Donna remained completely even keeled. She’d spent plenty of time working through this, but she thought that Josh deserved the truth. “I, um, I wasn’t handling all aspects of my life very well during that time period and I was desperate for a change and I may have blown things out of proportion. I am so incredibly sorry for the way that it ended though, Josh. You have to believe me. I’ve wished so many times over the last years that I could change that. That I would have come to you and explained… but by the time the fog cleared I thought it was too late. I thought I had already ruined what we had.”

She could see the realization dawn on him.

“Oh my God, Donna. Were you? Did you?” He swallowed hard, sure that he was turning a shade of green.

“It wasn’t the same,” she assured him quickly. “I just needed to work through some things. I saw someone and I’m… better now.”

“I should have seen it,” he stood up and ran his hand roughly through his hair in one swift movement, beginning to pace the room. “I should have known. I should have done better for you.”

“It’s not your fault Josh,” she gently reassured him. “Just like the explosion wasn’t your fault. You were giving me the additional responsibilities I’d asked for. There was no way you could have known.”

He continued to pace, his mind obviously spinning into overdrive. 

“Josh, look at me,” she commanded calmly.

He turned and studied her. He looked her over from head to toe, as if it needed to verify at this very moment that she was okay. Whole and healthy. Not only did he satisfy himself, his mind slowed down enough to appreciate how amazing she looked. 

“I’m okay. I’d tell you if I wasn’t. Would you… would you tell me if you weren’t okay, Josh?”

He sensed the shift in her tone immediately. 

“I’m okay, Donna,” he assured. 

“Josh.” She tilted her head and penetrated him with a look.

“What? Why are you looking at me that way?”

“Because!” she couldn’t bite her tongue any longer. “You’re not taking care of yourself! You’re stressed and you’re not eating right or exercising or taking your medication. You’re barely sleeping and when you do it’s on a couch in your office.” She was becoming increasingly worked up. 

“Donna! I’m fine. It’s no big deal, that’s just the way the job is--” he started to defend himself until he noticed the tears welling up in her eyes.

“Josh.” She said it like her heart was breaking, and in that moment his started to crack, too.

“C’mere.” He opened his arms and she fell into him. As he wrapped them around her, he put his head on top of hers. “Shhh, shhh. I’ll do better. I promise.” 

She buried her face in his chest and let him hold her, knowing him well enough to realize his reassurance wasn’t simply a hollow promise. “I can’t lose you,” she’d muttered through her tears at one point, but Josh never wavered. 

“You won’t. You never did.” And it was true. Even during their darkest days, if she would ever have needed him, he would have been there. He’d never stopped caring for her. 

She was silent for a moment, her breathing leveling out as her body melded into his. “All of the best pieces of my life are centered around you,” she told him, resting her head on his shoulder. He’d started to sway again. “Even simple moments,” she admitted. “Your victories-”

“Our victories,” he corrected.

“Watching you work,” she continued. “Learning from you, sharing meals with you, talking to you. Just being with you.”

He kissed the top of her head, silent for a moment. “Do you remember the night the President made chili? And we all had dinner in the residence?”

A soft smile spread across her face at the memory. 

“That’s when I knew,” he continued. 

“Knew what?” her hand drifted to the nape of his neck, her fingers lightly entwining with his curls. 

“I was looking around the room. The President of the United States was there. And Leo and Sam and all of these people. But in the crowded room, the only person I wanted to find was you. I was talking to Leo about a meeting I’d had earlier that day and… I caught your eye and you smiled at me. And that’s when I knew that I was in love with you.”

She froze for a split second, his words hanging in the air. “Was?” she questioned, terrified she wouldn't get the response she so desperately wanted to hear.

“Am,” he amended quickly. “Always will be.”

She lifted her head from his shoulder and cupped his face. “August 8, 2000. That’s when I knew. Because if you hadn’t made it, I would have . . . “ 

“Shhhh.” He stops her before she can say it. He simply couldn’t bear to hear her say she would have died too. He leaned down and captured her lips in a passionate kiss, his hands gently caressing her face. When they finally paused, she looked at him, beaming, eyes shining.

“I love you too.” She whispered, taking his hand and leading him toward the bedroom.


	34. Days Like This

For the second day in a row, a ringing phone pulled Josh from his peaceful slumber. Donna was wrapped in his arms, her head resting against him and their legs entwined. He never wanted to get up. 

The phone continued to ring, causing her to stir. “Are you going to get that?” She asked groggily. 

“No,” he mumbled, trailing soft kisses along her neck. “I’m sure it’s not important.”

She grinned and rolled over, moving to position herself under him as their lips met again and the room fell silent. 

Josh's phone began to chirp for the second time. He sighed, his head hanging. He knew he had to take the call. Donna gently squeezed his arm in reassurance. 

“Whoever that is, they’re fired,” Josh told her with a straight face, causing her to laugh. 

“Josh Lyman.” He barked by way of greeting balancing himself over her with his phone to one ear. “Lou, whatever it is, just handle it,” he commanded a few moments later. “I’m not coming in today unless it’s an emergency.”

Donna grinned and began to trail kisses across his bare chest, running her leg up his thigh and allowing her hands to rest on his hips with a wicked smile on her face before she trailed her fingers across the inside of his waistband. 

Josh yelped a bit, pulling the phone away from his mouth for a quick second. 

“Are you sure you want to play that game?” He smirked as he whispered huskily into her ear, only half listening to his phone call, “because…”

Suddenly he snapped back into political operative mode, freezing as his eyes widened. 

“He has WHAT?!” Josh shouted to Lou, rolling off of Donna and sitting straight up in bed, scrubbing his hand roughly over his face to bring him back to reality. 

“Tell them it’s none of their business! If they’re illegally obtained-“

Though Donna could only hear one side of the conversation she was growing concerned. Lou had clearly cut him off, and now Josh was listening to every word. 

“Yeah. Fine. I’ll let you know what to do. Standby until then.”

Josh ended the call and was silent for a beat before throwing his phone across the room with a curse. Donna jumped slightly when it made a loud thud against the wall. 

She reached out and placed a tentative hand on the small of his back, giving him time to think but serving as a gentle reminder that she would be there for him, whatever it was he was dealing with. 

Josh remained quiet, but Donna’s patience never wavered. She moved to her knees, sitting beside him and resting her hand on his shoulder. She studied his face. 

“They have it,” he told her softly. “The press. They have my diagnosis…” he trailed off, fiddling nervously with the edge of his bedspread. 

“What do you mean?”

“It’s, uh, about to be the topic of discussion on the morning shows.”

“Josh, the claims in Hellhound have no merit and everyone that matters knows it.”

“They have my medical records and copies of my prescriptions for Paxil,” he croaked out. 

“Josh?” She moved slightly in front of him. “Look at me.”

He hesitated before doing so, glancing up to meet her gaze. 

“You don’t have anything to be ashamed of,” she told him confidently. “You’re a brilliant man and a world class political operative. You’re the sweetest, funniest, most amazing person I know. Nothing that anyone discusses on the morning shows will change that.”

“My career is over,” he let out a mirthless huff. 

“It’s not over.” Donna continued matter of factly. “You’ve worked to get three presidents elected and keep the White House running for the better part of a decade. You’ve helped pass legislation and change laws and provided aid to countless people. Nobody can to take that away from you.”

She could plainly see that he wasn’t in the mood for discussion.

“Okay,” she took over. “I assume that was Lou asking you to come in so they can work on a statement?”

“Yeah,” he sighed.

“So, we’re going to get up and we’re going to take a shower and then we’re going to the White House. And you’re going to remember that this doesn’t define you. And you’re also going to remember that I love you, and come hell or high water, I’m right beside you.” She leaned forward and kissed him tenderly. 

“Donna?” a small smile was quirking up on the side of his mouth.

“Hmm?”

“Did you just say ‘we’ are going to take a shower?”

She grinned unrepentantly at him before leaning forward to give him another quick peck on the lips. “You bet your ass I did.” 

When they’d arrived at the White House that morning, Josh had immediately made his way toward the residence, his hand at the small of Donna’s back guiding her along, but she’d hesitated when they reached the stairwell. She’d never met the Santos family, and Sunday morning in the residence, unannounced didn’t seem like the best possible way to go about doing so. On the other hand, she’d told Josh that she’d be here for him and she didn’t want to back out now.

Josh felt her reluctance and immediately recognized the issue. This definitely wasn’t the time for introductions, they had made good progress last night and he knew where he’d like to see things go but he still didn’t know exactly what Donna was thinking, and he didn’t really have the type of relationship with the President that lent itself to a casual introduction.

Not to mention that the reason that he was here on a Sunday is because the Administration was about to get another black eye due to him. He had been upfront with the Congressman about his diagnosis before they’d ever started campaigning together so this wasn’t going to come as a surprise, but still, the conversation about how to handle the media wasn’t likely to be pleasant.

The more he thought about it the less he wanted to subject Donna to any of it.

“Why don’t you wait in my office? I’ll be as quick as I can.”

“Okay.” She seemed relieved, and in turn that made Josh feel better about making the suggestion. He didn’t want to hide Donna from the Santoses. And he certainly didn’t want her to think that. But this wasn’t the Bartlet Administration.

She made herself comfortable on his couch, glancing around at the office, which had been redesigned to what she imaged were Leo’s exact specifications. It was certainly full of Josh’s usual chaos, there was no debating that. There were familiar items, too. His autographed baseball, a photo of his grandfather and a framed copy of his appointment to Deputy Chief of Staff from President Bartlet hanging under his appointment ot Chief of Staff from President Santos. It was all here, Donna noticed, but it felt forced. 

It wasn’t long before Josh returned, muttering something at a few people in the hallway before speeding into his office and closing the door behind him.

“Hey,” he bent down and kissed her hello.

To Donna, the simple act was enough to make her grin like a giddy schoolgirl, but it wasn’t just the novelty of it all. Everything about being with Josh felt right. 

“So,” he rounded the corner of his desk and began moving a few papers around. “I’m going to meet with our staff in a few minutes. I- I’d like it if you stayed for as much of the meeting as possible,” he looked at her, waiting for an answer. “But I understand if you don’t want to.”

“I’ll be here,” she gently assured him. “And actually,” she nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, “and I hope this isn’t too much all at once, but while you were upstairs in the residence I moved my flight.”

“Oh?” He was certainly pleased by this revelation. 

“If that’s okay with you?”

“Of course. Yes! If it were up to me you’d never leave,” he admitted with a timid smile. 

She could feel herself blush at his implication. “Well I’m here until at least tomorrow.”

“I’ll take what I can get,” he winked at her, knowing better than to push her limits regarding relocation right now. 

“So this meeting,” he began again, clearing his throat to get back on track. “It’ll be senior staff, so that’s Lou Thornton, Bram Howard and, uh, Cliff Calley.” He grimaced a little, shooting her an apologetic look.

“I’m aware that Cliff’s is on your staff, Josh.” 

“Right.”

“He’s, um, a pretty decent guy. For a Republican.”

Donna shrugged her shoulders. “He’s not you.”

Josh couldn’t deny that he felt somewhat vindicated by her indifference to Cliff. She certainly wasn’t pining over him. He fought back a smirk, though he was sure it was written all over his face.

“Josh?”

“Hmmm?” He gathered a legal pad and rooted through his top drawer for a pen. 

“I, um, see the thing is…” Donna paused, hating to have to bring this up. It was already a high blood pressure day. 

“What is it?” he glanced up at her. 

“Well, Cliff… he already knows.”

This time it was Josh’s turn to shrug. “I know he knows.”

“What?”

“Donna, I knew that you probably wrote about the PTSD in your diary. I mean what’s the point of having a diary if you don’t vent about your crazy boss?”

“Then WHY did you let Cliff read it?”

“It was the only way to keep you safe.”

Donna sat in stunned silence as senior staff filed into the room.

“Oh, hey Donna.” Cliff tossed at her.

“Donna Moss!” Lou exclaimed. Donna was surprised that Lou knew who she was. Lou turned to Bram. “You remember Donna? She was the chicken fighter.”

Donna blushed. God. She’d never live that down.

“OH yeah. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to counteract those amazing one-liners you kept shooting at us. It’s nice to meet you.” Bram stuck his hand out, so Donna shook it politely. 

“So,” Lou broke in, “Is Josh finally getting his head out of his ass and bringing you on board? We could definitely use the help around here.”

“Um…” Donna didn’t know what to say. Luckily Josh saved her.

“Okay, let’s get started,” Josh began, tossing his portfolio on the table with a thud and taking his seat next to Donna. “Unless anyone has an objection, I’d like to conference CJ Cregg in on this.”

Josh dialed CJ from the speakerphone in the center of his desk.

“Good Morning, mi amor. To what do I owe the pleasure? Are you calling to tell me, perhaps, that you and your lover-”

“You’re on speakerphone, Claudia Jean,” Josh interjected forcefully. 

“Ah,” CJ didn’t bother to apologize. “Well, c’est la vie.”

Lou and Bram’s eyes both widened at the thought of Josh having anything resembling a personal life, let alone a romantic relationship. Cliff on the other hand bit back a smile, glancing at Donna from the corner of his eye and giving her a nod of congratulations. He, for one, thought it was about time that Josh and Donna figured things out. 

“You all know why we’re here today,” Josh took control of the conversation once again. “To make a long story short, what you’ve read on this subject is true. What you’ve heard likely isn’t. I don’t need to spin this, I don’t need to ask for privacy and consideration. I’ll issue a statement, we will point out that the medical records were obtained illegally and we will move on to the next topic. The goal is to keep the President out of the whole mess.”

“You’re sure you want to do this?” Lou was the first to speak. “You don’t want to go with a blanket statement? The White House doesn’t comment on the personal lives of staffers nor does it associate itself with illegally obtained medical documents?”

“No.” Josh was resolute. “No sidestepping.”

“Josh,” Lou nervously glanced around the room. “This could effectively end your career.”

“I’m well aware of what it can do to me, Lou. And I almost guarantee the GOP will call for my resignation before the end of the day. But I have nothing to be ashamed of. I, like many of my fellow Americans, have a medical condition that I obtained in the service of my country. I am managing it with the help of doctors and medication. I am thankful that I have medical insurance that affords me the best treatment. I have and will continue to do my job to the best of my ability and this administration will continue to fight for everyone to have access to quality medical care.” 

Cliff looked over towards Lou. “Did you get that? It was perfect.”

“Yeah, got it.” She responded scribbling on a notepad. 

Josh glanced at Donna, she was giving him he strength to do this. Without her here, he’d probably be coming unhinged. Even though he felt a bit as though he was about to come unglued on the inside, she gave him the strength he needed to push on. “Bram- get us the latest statistics on mental health funding and be ready to let the gaggle know why the GOP won’t approve our plan for healthcare for all Americans.”

“On it,” Bram scribbled a note. 

“Who is coming forward with this information, anyway,” Bram asked.

“Gibson of Michigan,” Josh muttered. He’d pieced most of it together while brushing his teeth that morning. 

Lou nodded in confirmation. 

Cliff and Josh exchanged knowing glances at one another.

“What?” Lou questioned.

“Nothing.” Cliff mumbled, knowing neither man wanted to start down that path in present company.

“This wasn’t what he was looking for,” Josh stated cryptically as he shuffled a few papers around. “But it’s what he found.”

“What was he looking for?” Bram ventured to question, worried that it may come up in his briefing.

“Ain’t nothing but a family thing,” Josh muttered.

“What does that mean?” Lou glances around the room, looking for a clue from a fellow staffer.

“Josh?” Donna stood, her eyes glued to him. She’d heard the rumors after his recovery. Hell, she’d even been involved in some of them. But they weren’t true. They couldn’t’ have been. There had been a fleeting moment or two that fall when she’d wondered herself if he’d numbed more than his physical anguish with pain killers, but she’d watched closely for any signs of misuse and had no reason to believe that he was attempting to chemically numb his pain. And he wasn’t. 

Josh locked eyes with her, wanting Donna to hear his answer as he continued to speak to Bram. “He was looking for something that wasn’t there.”

Bram and Lou weren’t following, but they knew better than to pry.

“If you have any questions, any of you,” Josh looked up and made eye contact with each of them, “feel free to ask me. Now or later. If you’re not comfortable with that, and I assume that you won’t be, you may want to speak to a Traumatologist from ATVA. We will provide you the appropriate resources and contacts for general inquiries.” 

The staffers thanked Josh and filed out, CJ advising she’d call those from the Bartlet administration that needed to be aware of what was coming.

“We all love you, Josh,” CJ added. “And whatever you need- anything- just say the word. We’re here for you.”

“Thanks, Ceej,” Josh smiled sadly, saying his goodbyes and ending the call.

“How you doin?” Donna studied his face. He’d been a man on a mission all morning and she was worried he’d powered through too much too quickly and was on the brink of exploding. 

Josh simply reached for her, pulling her almost onto his lap with a sigh. 

“Thank you for being here,” he told her as he wrapped his arms around her waist. 

“Of course,” she told him, kissing him on the cheek. “It’s 10:00. Do you want to watch?” 

“Not really,” Josh sighed, “But I probably should.”

“You don’t have to,” Donna gently reminded him, her fingers dancing lightly through his hair.

Josh brought her hand to his lips, gently kissing her palm. “I can make it through anything, Donnatella, with you by my side.”


	35. Chocolate Chip Cookies for the Soul

Josh felt as though the day was never ending and it was barely mid afternoon. He’d been on the phone with several people, including one emotionally draining call with his mother. He’d sat silently, with little emotion, listening as she’d cried on the other end of the line. And just when he was nearing the end of his rope with the progression of the call, Donna had wandered over and leaned against his desk, meeting his eye with a knowing smile before she’d leaned down and kissed him. He’d powered through the next couple of minutes with his mother and ended the call with tact. 

“I’m ready to get out of here,” he announced with a sigh. 

“That’d be nice,” she agreed.

“Let me just check in with Lou first. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He gave her a peck on the cheek.

Donna nodded her understanding, gathering her belongings so she’d be ready upon his return. It was only a few moments later that she heard a soft knock on the door.

“Mr. Josh?” A tiny voice questioned before Miranda Santos’ head peeked in the cracked door. 

Donna barely had time to react before the little girl stepped in, followed by her mother. Donna was immediately on her feet. 

“Oh. I’m sorry,” Helen Santos apologized. “We didn’t mean to barge in. We were looking for Josh and there’s no one in his outer office. We’ll come back another time.” 

“No!” Donna didn’t mean to make them feel uncomfortable. “Whatever it is, ma’am, I’m sure that Josh would want you to stay. I’ll just wait outside.”

“Oh, it’s nothing urgent,” the First Lady, assured. “Miranda just wanted to bring him cookies.”

“My Daddy said Mr. Josh is having a bad day,” Miranda stated matter of factly, holding up a bag. “So I made him cookies.”

“Well that’s very sweet of you,” Donna remarked with a broad grin. Josh had never been much of a kid person, and though all of The White House, and all of DC for that matter, was currently under the impression that he was the National Curmudgeon, she was relieved to know her sweet Josh had always been able to shine through in the right circumstances. 

“Are you Donna?” Miranda squinted her eyes to examine the unfamiliar woman.

“Yes,” Donna nodded. “I am. How did you know?”

“You’re pretty,” Miranda stated matter of factly. “And Mr. Josh says you’re nice.”

Donna blushed slightly at the little girl’s sentiment, still unsure how she was able to place her. 

“I’m sorry,” Helen shook her head. “Do we know you from somewhere? I’m having trouble placing you.”

“Oh, no, ma’am. We’ve never met.” 

“She’s Mr. Josh’s friend. The one from the California,” Miranda explained to her mother with a gentle tug on her arm before turning her attention back to Donna. “Have you ever been to Disneyland?” 

“I have,” Donna smiled. “Once, with my friends CJ and Sam.”

“But not Mr. Josh?”

“No, Josh was here, helping your Dad that day.”

“Miranda,” Helen lightly warned. “Don’t be so nosy.”

It was at that moment the connecting door to The Oval swung open and President Santos strode in. “Josh, do you have- Oh.” He was surprised to his family in the room, and even more surprised to see the third woman. 

“We brought Mr. Josh cookies,” Miranda reported for the third time. 

“And that’s very nice of you,” Matt beamed at his daughter.

“Donna Moss,” he extended his hand. “How are you?”

“I’m well, Mr. President,” Donna greeted cordially. “And yourself?”

“Fine. Just fine,” President Santos informed her, glancing to his wife.

“How do you two know each other?” Now Helen was sure she recognized Donna from something.

“I sat on her,” Santos told his wife. 

The memory of that story all clicked for Helen. “You’re the chicken fighter!” She exclaimed. 

Donna turned beet red.

Helen chuckled. “I’m sorry,” she told her. “I’m not laughing at you. It just all makes sense now. Josh was bent out of shape about that for at least a month.”

“He… was?” Donna was surprised. 

“Oh, yes.” Helen nodded. “I was warned not to bring it up in front of him, so of course I did. It was quite a reaction, even by Josh’s standards.” 

“What’s a chicken fighter, Mom?” Miranda was curious. 

“It’s nothing, that’s what,” Matt tousled her hair a bit. “Why don’t you leave Mr. Josh’s cookies here for him with Donna and head back up to start homework with Peter?”

Miranda and Helen said their goodbyes and made their way back to the residence. 

“So, what is it that you do now, Donna?” The President asked. “We’re always looking for bright minds around here.” 

“Oh. Well, thank you sir, I’m flattered, but-”

“Come on, Donna,” Santos leaned in the doorframe. “Are you going to tell the President you don’t want a job in the White House?”

“Well, sir,” Donna tried to be as politically correct about this as possible, so she avoided pointing out the fact that she probably shouldn’t work for Josh now that she was sleeping with him. “Well, I live in California, and...” she deflected. 

The President’s smile grew on his face. “You’re Miss California?”

“I’m sorry, sir?”

“We knew that Josh was seeing someone in California. He came back to work a new man after his last trip. I told him I’d loan him Air Force One on the weekends if it meant Monday morning staff meetings would be conflict free from now on. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that it was... No. It’s none of my business. I apologize.”

“That’s… quite alright, Sir.” Donna didn’t know what else to say. 

“Well, I’ll be in the residence if he needs anything,” Santos stated. “It was nice to see you again, Donna.” 

“Likewise, Mr. President,” she smiled. 

Josh breezed through the door a few minutes later, gathering his things in one swift motion. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s get out of here.” He placed his hand on the small of her back and lead her out of the office and into the waiting vehicle. 

“There’s, ah, probably going to be press,” he stated. “Would you rather I dropped you at CJ’s?” 

“What? Josh. No, of course not. I’m proud to walk beside you.” she reached over and gave his hand a little squeeze. She wasn’t sure how many times she’d have to tell him, but she wouldn’t stop until she was sure he understood.

“Kay,” he let out a little puff of air. “Just giving you one last chance.”

“Not necessary,” she assured him. “Oh!” Donna dug into her purse and pulled out a small bag. “Miranda Santos made you cookies.” 

Josh grinned at the plastic bag and reached inside, grabbing a chocolate chip cookie and taking a bite before offering the bag to Donna. 

“How does she know who I am? And why did the President call me Miss California?” Donna asked him, causing Josh to choke a little bit. 

“Valid questions...” Josh told her slowly, taking his time to chew, unsure of how to explain himself. There was a chance, Josh now realized, that he had on more than one occasion in the last few weeks, absolutely gushed over his girlfriend to the leader of the free world.

“But you’ll plead the fifth?” Donna grinned at him. 

“Why yes, Donnatella,” he laughed, leaning over to give her a quick kiss. “I believe I just might.”


	36. What are you hungry for?

Once they’d made their way through the flock of reporters waiting outside of Josh’s brownstone, they’d changed clothes and collapsed on the couch together. Josh has clicked through the channels to find the Mets game and Donna has curled up beside him, resting her head on a pillow in his lap. 

Josh, with his feet propped up on the coffee table, absentmindedly ran his fingers through her hair as he gave a running commentary about what was happening in the game. Donna dozed off at one point, but Josh never stopped his tender movements, drinking in the quiet moment with her. 

When her eyes fluttered open once again she yawned and stretched before giving him a quick peck on the lips and announcing that she was going to make dinner. 

She put together a vegetable lasagna and slid it in the oven, wiping her hands on a towel and heading back to the couch. Josh had barely moved but Donna could sense a shift in him. He’d been brooding while she was in the kitchen, that was for sure. 

“Do I get my spot back,” she asked playfully. 

“Hmm?” His mind had clearly been elsewhere. 

“My spot,” she repeated, grabbing a pillow and sliding in next to him. 

“Oh. Sure.” He moved his arm to rest on the back of the couch and Donna dropped the pillow into his lap, resting her head close to him and placing her hand gently on his knee. 

She lay there in silence for a few minutes before speaking. 

“So, are you going to talk to me or do I have to drag it out of you?” Donna grinned, trying to get him to banter with her, but she’d clearly misread the situation.

When he didn’t respond, she tried again.

“Josh?” Donna snaked her hand barely under the hem of his shirt, making light contact with the side of his torso and sliding her hand barely behind him. “Hey,” she sat up, finally catching his eye. “It’s okay that this bothers you, you know. You have every right to be upset.” 

“I know I do,” he spat more forcefully than intended. 

“But you’re still worried.”

At her quiet tone, he lowered his volume. But his words still rang of a bit of desperation. “Yeah, I’m still worried. What if this doesn’t go away? What if this media attention plagues us for the rest of his term? What if he loses re-election because of me?”

“Josh, you’ll overcome this. You always do. You are one of the sharpest minds in the country. That’s why they want to take you out. But it’s not going to happen. You are a hundred times smarter than them. You can handle it.” 

“Nobody’s going to see that, Donna. All they’re going to see when they look at me is another hidden diagnosis in The White House.” 

“They’re not, Josh. Not the people who matter. That’s not what the President will see, or your friends or the people you’ve worked side by side with for the last twenty years. It’s certainly not what I see when I look at you.” 

“But what about the public? What about re-election?”

“Josh. The public forgave President Bartlet. They rallied in support.”

“I’m no Jed Bartlet.”

“You are to me.”

A smile began to tug at the corners of his mouth as he reached for her, her words resonating within him. Her endorsement really did make him feel like he could overcome anything. He just needed her by his side.

“How did I get so lucky,” he asked, pulling her close.

“You left your office unlocked,” she replied cheekily, giving him a wide grin. “And even though you are a brilliant political mind, you’re also a human tornado. It was obvious that you needed me the most!” Donna sneaked her hand under his shirt and gave him a little tickle.

His body reacted immediately to her touch. “Oh, I definitely NEED you.” He responded, suggestively.

“I want you.” Donna offered back breathlessly.

Josh leaned in to softly meet her lips, deepening the kiss when she reciprocated with enthusiasm. He pulled her closer, Donna moving to straddle him. Josh’s hands gently held her hips as she began to undress him, their lips never parting. He stood, her legs wrapped around them, to head towards the bedroom in the heat of the moment. 

Josh’s cell phone screeched, causing Donna to pull away slightly.

“Let it ring,” he commanded huskily, walking them down the hall. He was immediately rewarded when he felt Donna smile against his lips. 

“That’s the sexiest thing you’ve said all day.” She teased as they crossed the threshold.

“Baby, I’m just getting warmed up.” He retorted as he lay her on the bed and began removing her clothes. 

The blaring of the oven time woke them from their well earned post-colital nap.

“Let it burn,” Josh mumbled. “I’ll order us a pizza.” 

Donna chuckled as she gave him a quick kiss on the lips. “I made dinner, Josh. And we’re going to eat it.” She slid out of bed and pulled a well worn t-shirt from his top drawer

“Stealing my clothes? Are we to that point in this relationship?” Josh harassed her, a giant grin on his face letting her know he didn’t mind at all

“Oh Joshua, didn’t you ever wonder what happened to your Wesleyan shirt?”

He sat up, suddenly fully awake. “You took my Wesleyan shirt?”

“I’ve had it for years!” 

“Donna! I loved that shirt! And now my Yale shirt?” He whined dramatically. 

“You want it? Come and get it,” she teased before scurrying out to remove the lasagna. 

Donna took off towards the kitchen as Josh fumbled to untangle himself from the bedspread that was wrapped around him. He grabbed a pair of boxers and stepped into them before quickly catching up with her. He grabbed her waist, causing her to shriek playfully as he pulled her into his arms. 

“You know, I could turn you over to the cops. Grand larceny.”

“Grand larceny? Really? What are those shirts worth, Mr. Lawyer-man?”

“Okay, maybe not, but clearly there will be consequences for your actions.” Smirking as his fingers found her ribs and began tickling her as she writhed in his arms, giggling.

He paused after a brief moment, resting his forehead against hers. “I love you,” he told her softly. “I really do.” 

“I love you too.” She gave him another quick kiss. “And I’m keeping the shirt. Now, I’ve got to take the lasagna out of the oven!” 

He grinned, enjoying the feeling of her body against his as he let her wiggle free

“Whatever you say, Mrs. Stouffer!” 

“Who the hell is Mrs. Stouffer?” Donna chortled as she removed the pan from the oven and placed it on a trivet.

“Mrs. Stouffer, you know the Stouffers! The people who make the frozen stuff,” He called over his shoulder as he headed into the living room, and tried to remember where he left his phone. He supposed he really should check the messages.

Josh glanced down to see two missed calls from Charlie, and just as he began to click over to his inbox, his phone rang again. 

“Hey, man.” Josh answered cheerfully as Donna continued to move about the kitchen. “What’s up?”

“Josh?” Charlie sounded concerned. 

“Yeah?”

“I just wanted to call and, you know, see how you were doing.”

“I’m great,” Josh announced. In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this happy. 

“You’re doing… great?” Charlie was skeptical to say the least.

“Yeah. Fantastic.” He watched Donna stand on her tiptoes to procure two wine glasses, his shirt riding up as she stretched for the top shelf, the bottom of her lace panties peeking out and captivating his attention. “Hey, I gotta go. Thanks for calling, Charlie.” He snapped his phone shut once again and tossed it back on the end table, making his way quickly to the kitchen.

“I’ll get them,” he offered, placing his hand gently on her hips. “Thanks for stocking my pantry. I appreciate it. I’ve, uh, been too busy to shop.”

“You need to eat better,” she smiled. “I’ll open the wine. And then you can help me with the bread and salad.” 

“Yes, dear,” he grinned, placing a few slow kisses on her neck before moving over to turn on the stereo.

They stood side by side, making the rest of their dinner and Josh hummed along to the music as she instructed him to chop vegetables for a salad. 

“This smells amazing,” he told her, genuinely excited for a real meal and a night in with Donna. “I’ll set the table while you finish up in here.”

She slid the bread into the oven and tossed the salad, walking it over to the table. 

“Are you going to get dressed or will you be eating like that?” She asked him, staring at him wearing only his boxers.

“Why? Am I distracting you with my male form?” He puffed his chest out and grinned cockily. 

“You’d be annoying if you weren’t so cute,” she told him. 

He laughed outright. “Go put some pants on, Fanny. You’re going to get cold.” 

Donna sauntered down the hall, knowing Josh was watching her as she walked away, and she was right. 

Josh was taken aback when his door buzzer rang only a moment later. Making his way over, he clicked the button.

“Yeah?” 

“Mr. Lyman,” Agent Perez’s voice rang through. “Charles Young is here to see you.”

Josh shook his head. “Send him up.” 

“Who was that?” Donna called after she’d slipped into a pair of pajama short’s she’d packed. 

“It’s for you,” he told her, kissing her as he walked past her in the hallway, pulling on a pair of sweats and a Met’s shirt.

“For me?” She looked stunned. “What do you mean it’s for me?”

She turned to stare at the door when she heard the knock.

“Go on,” he nodded towards his entry as he leaned against the wall. 

Donna hesitantly opened the door, her face growing from apprehensive to a full smile when she saw Charlie.

“Charlie! Hi!” Donna immediately wrapped him in a hug.

“Donna? What are you doing here?” Charlie was confused, glancing between his friends. 

“Visiting Josh,” she answered simply, ushering him in.

“And what are you doing here, Charlie?” Josh chimed in.

“Uhh...” Charlie glanced to Josh. “Just in the neighborhood?”

Josh raised his eyebrows at the response. 

“Can you stay for dinner? I just pulled the lasagna out of the oven.” Donna generously offered.

Josh narrowed his gaze on Charlie, hoping he’d take the hint.

“No, I, uh, better not,” he stated, picking up Josh’s unspoken message loud and clear.

“Oh. Well, can I at least send you something to go? You could use a real meal.”

“Well, I guess I can’t argue with that,” Charlie admitted. 

Donna slipped into the kitchen to pack Charlie a tupperware, leaving the men alone in the entryway. 

“What’s up, Charlie? What are you doing here?” Josh asked again, his tone non accusatory. 

“Well it’s just that you must have had a rough day. And you didn’t answer your phone for three consecutive calls. And then when I got you on the line, you told me you were fine and hung up. I was a little concerned. Because honestly, Josh, in the last three years I can count the number of times you’ve actually been ‘fine’ on one hand.”

Josh let out a small puff of air, but said nothing.

“So,” Charlie began. “Donna’s here.”

“She is.”

“And you actually are fine.”

“I am.”

Charlie glanced into the kitchen before turning back to Josh. “Is this a thing?”

Josh couldn’t help but to smile. He was nothing short of lovesick. “It is.”

“Seriously?”

Josh watched her move about his apartment as if she’d lived there for ages. “Absolutely,” he whispered. “She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”


	37. Suiting Up

“So, you have everything?” Josh stood, half dressed, in the doorway to his closet as Donna zipped her suitcase. 

“I do.” She sauntered over to him, selecting a tie that brought out his eyes and looping it around his neck. 

“And you’re sure you have to go?” He pulled her closer. 

“Yes, Josh. I’m sure. I have to get back to work, and you do too. But I hope we can see each other again soon?” The question felt hollow, even to her ears. She wanted more than to stumble across his path again, and the casual dismissal seemed as though there was little hope for even that. 

“You hope?” He questioned, feeling a little defeated at her less than concrete plan. 

She cupped his face and stared into his eyes. “Josh, whatever this is, it’s wonderful,” she whispered. “And I meant it when I told you I’m in love with you.”

“I love you too. So stay with me.” He pleaded, unable to help himself

“I can’t. I don’t belong here right now. I have a job in California. I’m making a life. This place is just...” she trailed off unable to articulate exactly what she meant. But she just knew that this town would destroy them if she wasn’t careful.

He didn’t respond, opting instead to hold her tighter for a minute. 

“I hope you can come to see me soon,” she finally offered.

“I’ll try.” He knew better than to make promises about how long it would be. Long weekends and vacation time just wasn’t part of his job. Look how this weekend had gone. They’d only ended up with three nights because she’d taken an extra day off.

He gently kissed her forehead and then quickly tied his tie. Reality was crashing back down on him. It was time to suit up and get back to the battle.

When he was done, she reached over and gave his tie a small adjustment, a sad little smile on her face.

He leaned in and kissed her again. “Are you sure you’re fine taking a cab to the airport?”

“Yes. I’ll be fine. I’m sure the press will clear out after you leave.”

Josh frowned, peeking out the window for the first time that morning. As soon as they saw movement of the curtains, the gaggle of photographers went on alert. Snapping pictures and hoping to get a usable shot.

“No. You’re not taking a cab.” He stated firmly. There was no way he would leave her here with just the hope that the press would follow him. They had seen them arrive together and some of them would lie in wait for her.

He picked up his phone. “Cliff. I need you to run morning staff. I’m taking Donna to the airport. I’ll be in around 11.” 

“That wasn’t neces….”

“Donna.” Josh sighed cutting off her protest. Then he flashed his dimples at her. “Besides, this way we get another three hours together.”

“You’re the Chief of Staff to the President of the United States, Joshua. You don’t have a spare three hours. I’d love to spend the morning with you, but I think we both know if that’s going to happen it needs to be in your office. Come on, we’ll drive through Starbucks on the way.”

They sipped their drinks in silence for a few moments, but five minutes from the office Josh blurted out the only thing on his mind. He didn’t want to delay their conversation any more than he already had, and he knew he could be walking into anything once he set foot in his office. 

“I need to know what you want from this. Where do you see us going? Maybe I can find an opportunity for me to come out to see you next month. I’d like for you to know what you want by then.” 

Donna tensed for a minute. She could sense his anxiety, and she didn’t want to fight about this, so she took a deep breath and answered him softly.

“Joshua. I know what I want. I want you. I don’t need 30 days to figure it out, but I don’t know how to make it happen. We have some decisions to make. Together.”

“Together,” he agreed, reaching out to clasp her hand as the vehicle pulled into 1600 Pennsylvania. 

“Good Morning, Sir.” Josh was practically mid brief by the time he was out of the car, and close to up to speed when he arrived in his office. They were fairly minor issues, really, but he loved the feeling of the back and forth chatter with Donna over the daily news cycle and her opinions on the days events. 

“You’re in the Roosevelt Room in 5 minutes with the head of the EPA,” Ronna advised him, greeting Donna with a smile at the same time. “Just a pop in for a few minutes.”

Josh nod his head once in confirmation. 

“Where’s the President?”

“Parent teacher conference,” Ronna advised. “He’ll be here in twenty minutes. You two have the Chilean ambassador at 9.”

“Thanks, Ronna. Keep up the good work.” Josh rounded his desk as Ronna let herself out, a peculiar look on her face after hearing praise from The Bulldog himself. 

Donna leaned against the edge of his desk as he sat down. Though she didn’t typically miss DC, the familiarity of the situation wasn’t lost on her. 

“You look good standing there,” he told her, paying her a genuine compliment without trying to open the floodgates of a conversation they’d had multiple times. “You’ve always looked good in my office. It’s nice to have you here, if only for a few moments.” 

She smiled softly, reaching out to him as he stood, her hands resting on his hips as he gave her a soft kiss before gathering his things and buttoning his suit jacket. 

“I should only be a few minutes. Are you okay here?” 

“Of course,” she assured him. “Go. Do good.”

Josh grinned at her and strode through the door and down the hall towards his meeting, eager to return to her as quickly as possible. 

As Donna wandered around the office waiting for Josh, she looked everything over. It felt so good, so right to be back in his office, in the middle of his life. She wanted to familiarize herself with every piece of paper, every briefing memo, every report. Just so she’d know where everything was-- just like she used to. But she stopped herself. That wasn’t her place anymore. She’d made that decision and she was standing by it. Besides, they’d certainly moved on to greener pastures. 

As she perused the room, her eyes fell once again on Hellhound, which occupied the bottom slat on the bookshelf next to his desk. The pages were rumpled and the cover torn. She could imagine him tossing it across the room in a fit of rage.

But he’d kept it. And it seemed pretty obvious that he’d looked through it more than once. There were even a couple pages with the corners turned down, marking a spot.

Why had he kept it? Why had he re-read certain sections? Was he trying to determine which enemy wrote the damn thing?

Finally her curiosity could withstand no more. She picked up the book and opened it to a chapter entitled: LymanHos: A Womanizer’s Favorite Sport.

The chapter accused Josh of being a woman chaser, something Donna knew was not only false, but incredibly hurtful to Josh. Sure, he’d occasionally pretended that he was savvy with the ladies, but they both knew he wasn’t. And he puffed up at the thought of his “fan club,” but he had no real idea why they existed. He tried to talk a good game, but when it came right down to it, he was clueless.

The book cited the raunchy faxes that had come in when Zoey was kidnapped as evidence of his illicit affairs, as well as briefly mentioning dalliances with Mandy, and Amy, whom it pointed out had been dating Congressman Tandy when Josh began pursuing her.

But the paragraph that took Donna’s breath away referred to an incident with an unnamed aide. It claimed that Josh had been observed pressing himself into the backside of the aide while she bent over to retrieve papers that he had intentionally dropped. The story went on to claim that when the aide had whirled around and attempted to slap him, he grabbed her wrist, then crushed his mouth to hers. When he was finished he squeezed her wrist, threatening to break it if she told anyone about the encounter. “Don’t even try to pretend. I’ve been watching you. I know you like it rough and I’m happy to oblige. You know where to find me.” He’d sneered at her as he walked away, the book alleged.

Donna continued shaking as she read through the paragraph a second time. From the creases on the page, she knew that Josh had read it more than once too. Of all the accusations against him, she didn’t have a doubt that this one bothered him the most. He would never hurt a woman.

And that incident had hurt. Her wrist had ached for days and she’d had to wear long sleeves to hide the bruises. But it hadn’t been Josh who’d assaulted her. No one had seen it happen, and she’d never told a soul. She’d never forgotten what he’d said as he walked away from her-- “No zealot like a convert, eh Donna? But you can talk him into anything, can’t you? Just let me know when he’s ready to join my team.”

When the office door opened a minute later, Josh’s eyes immediately found her, sitting on the couch, pale and obviously disturbed. His heart stopped when he saw what she was holding.

“Donna, you’ve got to believe...” He started, but she cut him off, suddenly standing up, angrily.

“I know who wrote this horrible thing.”

“You what?” He took a step forward. 

“The aide? It was me.”

“You?” Josh furrowed his brow. He couldn’t remember any such situation with Donna. He'd racked his brain ever since the book came out, trying to think if there could even be the slightest bit of truth to the accusation, but in his heart of hearts he knew there wasn't. He’d never do anything like the scene described in Hellhound to any woman.

“Yes. Me. But the man... it wasn’t you. I know who wrote the book, Josh. This section wasn’t just another chapter in an outlandish publicity stunt.”

“Donna....” Josh’s heart was beating rapidly, as he took a gentle step towards her. If someone hurt Donna all bets were off. He’d be sure that they’d never known a fury the likes of which they were about to experience from the Chief of Staff. 

Donna swallowed hard and took a deep breath. 

 

“I think John Hoynes is trying to send you a message.”


	38. Reckoning

“What did you just say to me?” Josh stopped dead in his tracks, staring at her with laser focus. 

Donna licked her lips nervously and shifted her weight, unsure of where to begin. She never thought that Josh would find out about any of this, especially this way. But there was no going back now. “I think,” she began again, finding her strength, “John Hoynes is sending you a message.”

“Please.” His voice wavered slightly. “Please, Donna. Tell me that didn’t really happen.” 

Donna swallowed hard. It was all the answer he needed.

Josh ran his hand roughly through his hair, stopping for a moment to try and wrap his brain around what she’d just confirmed. “That NEVER should have happened to you,” he began pacing the length of his office. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It was… complicated.” 

He was a mix of emotions in that moment, and Josh couldn’t seem to process what she was telling him. His mind was swinging wildly from anger and plans for retribution to the sense that he’d failed her yet again. When he turned abruptly and began to pace in the opposite direction, he caught a glimpse of her out of the side of his eye. She was biting her lip and staring at the carpeting, arms wrapped around her waist as if she seemed to be shrinking in on herself before his very eyes. It occurred to him that perhaps she thought he was blaming her, as if any of this could possibly be her fault. Josh stopped in his tracks, staring at her as all of his thoughts zeroed in on her. His Donna, that he felt he’d failed yet again. 

He slowly moved towards her, leaning back against the edge of his desk next to her. He was silent for a moment, unsure of what, exactly, he could say that would begin to explain to her all that he was feeling. 

“Do you want to tell me about it?” he began softly. 

She raised her eyebrows at him. “Do you really want to know more than you do already?”

“Of course. But only if you want to share it with me.”

“Well,” she sighed, her shoulders slumping as she stared out the window of his office. “There’s really not much to tell, I suppose. The book has a pretty accurate account.” Josh immediately interpreted her aloof response as an indictment against himself.

“I sent you over there, didn’t I?”

“Josh, it wasn’t your fault. None of this was your fault.”

“Oh my God.” He ran his hands roughly through his hair. “I did. I sent you into the lion’s den.” 

“No. You didn’t.” She stood and turned, facing him and moving as close as his tightened body language would allow. “There’s no way you could have known what-”

“I knew he had a reputation! I shouldn’t have sent you over there.”

“You didn’t!” She had to practically shout to get his attention. “You didn’t send me into a meeting with Hoynes. He wasn’t even in office anymore when this all unfolded. I just happened to run into him and he was his usual, disgusting self. If it wasn’t at that moment, he would have still found a way to get his message across in another place or time. You know as well as I do that a slight inconvenience or missed timing isn’t going to deter him.” 

“What do you mean, get his message across? Donna, when was this? Where in the hell did you casually run into John Hoynes and what exactly did he say to you?”

Donna turned red. Hellhound didn't reveal the full story, so of course, Josh didn't know. She had hoped to spare him. But really at this point in their maturning relationship honesty was more important.

“It was, I don’t know exactly, but right before our last Thanksgiving in office. I’d run over to party headquarters during the afternoon to drop some paperwork off. Hoynes was there meeting with the chair about running against Bingo Bob in the primary. He asked me where you were and I told him you were busy at the White House so I’d come over to drop of the paperwork in your absence and I went about my business. I stepped into the copy room to make a couple of duplicates and he stepped in right behind me and closed the door.” 

Josh’s heart rate began to accelerate as Donna recounted the scene the book described.

“He reached past me like he was getting something off the top of the filing cabinet, and knocked my papers off of the copier. I wasn’t thinking. I just bent over to pick them up. Then he pressed himself into my backside. I whirled around and tried to slap him, but he grabbed my wrist and kissed me.” 

Josh’s fists clenched and jaw snapped shut while she told the story that he’d read many times. When she seemed to stop he couldn't help but to blurt out the first question on his mind. “Did he hurt you?” 

The book alleged that there were a threat and bruises. As much as Josh hoped that was an exaggeration, deep down he knew it was probably true. Unfortunately, he’d been dealing with John Hoynes for far too many years to underestimate him in that department. 

“He was just trying to intimidate me to get what he wanted,” she answered attempting an air of nonchalance, but Josh could see right through her act. 

“Why aren’t you answering my question?” She was downplaying it for his benefit and he knew it.

“He grabbed me. And… well, you read what it said.” She brushed him off a bit, bristling at the very notion of having to have this conversation. 

“Was that all he said? Did he proposition you? Did he threaten you? What EXACTLY did he say, Donna?” Josh was hanging on her every word, his heart rate increasing in his chest. 

She didn’t want to tell him. She knew how he reacted to things like this, and none of this would be easy for him to hear, but she was going to be honest with him. She took a breath to steady herself and then told him the rest of the story. 

“While he had me by the wrist he pulled me in close and got right in my face. He squeezed my arm so hard I thought it would break and said, ‘Listen closely. I'm going to be the next man in the White House and your boss is going to get me there. If you don’t want Josh to know about how you practically threw yourself at me for a combination of, I don't know, desperation and political gain, then you’d better convince him to be on my team. How do you think that would play in the press? Josh’s secretary on her knees in every office around town for all these years currying favor to get the political results that Bartlet’s Bulldog takes the credit for?”

Josh felt his chest tighten and he swore all the air was sucked from his lungs, he suddenly longed for the time when all he had thought was that this story was just simply another line of slander in a wildly accusatory book. Knowing what had happened was so much worse than any false blame that could have been placed on him. Not only had she been assaulted, she’d kept her story quiet to protect him and the party. Had he known, he would never have asked her to do that, and he hated that she felt that she needed to. It went against everything he fought for. 

“I’ll end him,” Josh muttered under his breath, moving to get up.

“Whoa.” Donna stopped him with a soft hand on his chest. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to end John Hoynes. I’m going to do what I should have done years ago.” he snarled, though the venom in his voice was not intended for her.

Donna could see that Josh was spiraling into a dark place where he kept the blame of every wrong in the world on his own shoulders.

“Joshua. Listen to me.” She spoke slowly and in an even tone, knowing she needed to be the one to remain calm in this situation. “It’s important that you hear the rest of this. Nothing else happened. Okay? I stood up to him. I told him that no one, especially you, would believe that I threw myself at him. I reminded him that his reputation would be in tatters, not mine. And that the only reason why I wasn’t going to press charges was because the Democratic Party didn’t need another black eye, but if he ever tried to pull a stunt like that again, I’d give him one.”

Josh exhaled slowly. “And he left you alone after that?”

“Well, he tried one more pitch on the way out the door. Actually tried to claim he was still the best man for the job and then tried to play to the idea that I could talk you into joining his team. Obviously, I didn’t buy it. I mean, we all know that nobody talks you into anything you don’t want to do, right?” When her attempt at a little humor to lighten the situation didn’t land, she continued. “But yes, after that he left me alone. He’s not a man that is told no very often, so I don’t think he was expecting any resistance. Once I stood up to him he ended up backing down.”

He reached out to her, studying her face. “Why didn’t you tell me? When it happened, I mean.”

“We weren’t exactly on the best terms at that point, Josh. What good was it going to do for me to tell you?” 

“I could have… I don’t know. Done something!” 

“You couldn't have.” She was even keeled but firm. “What was done was done. Besides, it’s not like you were waiting for him to come to you with the offer. Even at that point, I knew that.”

“Is this… Donna, is that why you quit?” It seemed as though it was almost an absolute in his mind. Just another reason, on what he imagined was quite a long list at that time, of why he’d been bad for her. 

“What? No! Of course not.” The question startled her somewhat. “We’ve discussed those reasons before, Josh. I was honest with you when I told you that was all behind us. And I meant it. It’s in the past.” She stepped forward, and he opened his arms to her, wrapping her up and pulling her close as she rested her head on his shoulder. 

Josh gently rubbed her back, standing in the quiet of his office and reflecting on all that she’d had to endure on his behalf. He was absorbed in his work most of the time, and he hated that he had been too focused on other things to properly protect her. It was already eating at him. He concentrated on her, making sure to properly suppress his rage, though he could feel the overwhelming desire to punch John Hoynes in the nose bubbling up within him.

Their quiet moment was interrupted by a swift knock at the outer door to his office, which was met by a forceful ‘go away’ from Josh.

“Be nice,” Donna chided, standing up and stepping away from him, smoothing out the front of her outfit as she gave him a quick kiss on the corner of his mouth.

“Awww, see,” Josh whined, extending his arm towards her and trying to wave her back. “You’re over there now. That’s what I was trying to avoid.”

She couldn’t help but smile a bit as she shook her head. 

“Besides, they’re probably just coming to tell me that the car is ready to take me to the airport.”

He sighed a bit, standing from where he’d been perched on the front edge of his desk. He hated that she had to leave, but he knew better than to bring it up yet again. She’d made it clear that she didn’t want to live in DC at this point in her life, and he had to admit that he was beginning to see her point. 

Josh grabbed his cell and slid it into his pocket, picking up her oversized travel tote to carry it for her. They climbed into the back of the SUV, and Donna slid into the middle, wishing to be as close to him as possible while she could. She rested her hand on his knee and he tenderly draped an arm around her, riding in the comfortable silence. 

“I’m sorry to unload all of this on you,” she told him in a soft voice as his agent slowed the vehicle slightly on the exit for the airport. “I know it must be a lot to process. Are you going to be okay?” 

“I’m fine,” he assured calmly, and oddly enough, Donna could tell that he was. “Are you okay?”

“I am,” she assured with a gentle squeeze on his leg. “It was years ago, Josh. I didn’t let him get to me then, and I’m not going to let him get to me now.” 

He gave her a soft but genuine smile and she realized for the first time that morning that Josh probably felt a bit relieved. She’d assured him that she was okay, and in the unlocked the secret to man behind Hellhound. He could deal with political fallout, and knowing that’s what this all boiled down to likely made the entire situation more manageable for him. If only she could erase the unfounded guilt she knew he would carry with him over what had happened to her. She’d continue to work on that over time, she supposed. 

“I know you’re angry at him,” she ventured. “And you have every right to be. What he did to you is inexcusable. I understand if you need to ruin Hellhound’s credibility, but... don’t act in anger or do something you’ll regret. And don’t act on my behalf. Seriously, Josh, You don’t have to worry about me, alright?”

Before Josh could respond the vehicle pulled up to the curbside drop off at the airport and the agent opened the back door for Donna. 

“I love you.” She told him, softly kissing him goodbye. “Don’t forget that.”

He smiled sadly at yet another goodbye for the two of them. “I never will.”


	39. Eye of the Storm

Josh watched Donna walk into the terminal as the agents placed the SUV into drive. They had barely pulled away from the curb when Josh slid his sunglasses onto his face and placed himself firmly back into political operative mode. 

“We need to make a stop on the way back to the office, boys,” Josh remarked casually. “John Hoynes keeps an office just south of Dupont Circle. I need to stop by. And I need to make sure he doesn’t know I’m coming.”

“Yes, sir.” Rocky spoke methodically into his wrist as Agent Perez altered their route. 

Josh sat in silence, composing his thoughts. It was no secret that he’d had more than one disagreement with John Hoynes over the years, but this was a whole new ballgame. He didn’t care about Hellhound so much, having shoved it to the back of his mind after his realization about Donna. 

Ah, Donna. Beautiful, kind, smart Donna. His whole world and yet his Achilles heel. Hoynes was a good enough politician to realize that using Donna as a pawn would get to him, but John Hoynes certainly hadn’t calculated the next few moves. And that, Josh thought, was what separated the good from the great. Josh could maneuver with the brightest minds in the party, but this wasn’t a game anymore. Hoynes had involved the one person that had remained off the table for the last decade, and now all bets were off. 

Josh stepped out of the SUV and looked around, steeling his expression and composing himself as he strode through the lobby and onto the elevator, instructing his agents to wait outside in the hallway. He didn’t wait for the receptionist to announce him, instead striding straight through towards the back of the hallway and opening the door to Hoynes’ private office.

“What in the hell?” John Hoynes stood from behind his desk in outrage. 

“Mr. Lyman! We’re in a meeting here!” The senior senator from Ohio exclaimed. “You can’t just barge in!” 

“You’ll have to excuse us, Senator Foster,” Josh clipped, never removing his gaze from Hoynes. “I need a word with the former Vice President.”

“Give us a minute, Roger.” Hoynes instructed the Senator. “I’ll have someone call your office to reschedule.”

The two men stared at each other while the Senator gathered his belongings, grumbling about the inconvenience and lack of respect. 

“So,” Hoynes slipped his hands into his pockets with a sly smirk on his face as soon as the door to the office closed. “It took you long enough. Quite frankly, Lyman, I think you’re losing your touch. I expected you to show up here weeks ago.” 

“I don’t give a shit about the book and you know it.” 

“Ah. So the rumors are true.” Hoynes didn’t bother to mask his amusement, looking rather smug. “You’re here about a woman. I have to say, Lyman. I didn’t think you had it in you.”

Josh stood his ground, giving Hoynes his strongest glare but waiting for the opportune moment to speak.

Hoynes made his way over to a small cart near the sitting area in his office, pouring himself a club soda and continuing to ramble. “Hell, half the men in this town are screwing their secretaries. They’re just smart enough to find someone else when it’s no longer convenient or they get too old. Maybe you’ll take note of that for next time. Maybe you’ll take note of all of this, Josh. When I want something, I get it.”

Josh knew better than to show his cards on this particular matter, and acknowledging his feelings for Donna to Hoynes would only serve to give his opponent a leg up, so he evaded that portion of the conversation for the time being. 

“You don’t get everything that you want though, do you? You didn’t get the Oval. And I could have put you there. I assume that’s what this is about. Your resentment that I found a better man and put him in the White House instead of you?”

“It was supposed to be my turn!” Hoynes slammed his hand onto his desk as he practically growled, losing control of the anger he’d had building on this topic for years. 

“It was never going to be your turn.” 

“It will be. I’ve effectively ended your career. It’s only a matter of time until you’re out of the beltway and the Santos White House won’t be able to fight a primary challenger. The window is opening. Your time in power here is almost over, Lyman.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that.” Josh casually pushed the front of his jacket back and shoved his hands into his pockets, glancing around the room. “I may be getting older, but I could still book a TV spot, ruin your career and be back at the White House before most of the staff are back from lunch.”

“You don’t have the leverage. Your reputation is in shambles. You’ll be seen as nothing more than a political has been with an unstable mental health record.” 

“Actually, I’m the talk of the town these days, and the only takeaway from your little book is that I’m the most aggressive man inside the beltway. I’ve passed eleven pieces of legislation in the past 18 months. I’ve run the winning Presidential campaigns the last three consecutive elections. Hell, I’ve survived an assassination attempt. I’m invincible. And what have you done? You’ve had two failed Presidential bids, you’ve resigned from the Vice Presidency in disgrace. You were at the center of a White House information leak. You’ve been at the center of multiple infidelity allegations, some of which were publicly verified. And if memory serves, the Congress of the United States did determine you were negligent when you withheld from the Amercian people information regarding the health of the other candidate on your ticket.”

“You wouldn’t.” Hoynes stared at him, thrown off his game for a moment as he tried to come to terms with what he was up against when he’d picked Josh as an enemy. 

“President Bartlet took the censure and recovered. But you’re sure as hell not Jed Bartlet. Why wouldn’t I, a concerned citizen, encourage the Washington Post to ask those questions?”

“You wouldn't.” This time, Hoynes stated the words with certainty, sure that he’d just found a flaw in Josh’s threat. He sauntered over to the drink stand in the corner of his office and poured himself a glass of water. 

Hoynes knew the younger man’s ego wouldn’t allow Josh to become the pariah of the Democratic party, especially when the only victory he’d receive would be behind closed doors- this battle of words between the two men. But Josh could follow Hoynes train of thought too, and he knew the former Vice President thought he could get away with all of this.

“Who do you think the party will side with, John? You or me?”

“Don’t forget who you’re talking to, Lyman.” He sneered at the casual use of his first name.

“Fuck decorum. We’re past that now.” 

“I’ll decide where we are!” Hoynes was growing angry and quickly losing his cool. 

Josh remained completely composed, summoning all of the restraint he’d learned to harness over his years in politics. “I’m not going away, John. I’ll leave this office, I may leave the White House, I may even leave town. But I’ll be watching you. We both know there are more women out there. I would have never worked for you if I would have known how dirty you truly were. But you know what else, John? There’s other information floating around out there, too. Lobbyists. Senators. Bankers in the Seychelles. And God only knows who else. You’d better stop before your dirty laundry comes out.” 

Josh removed his hands from his pockets and walked over to stand in front of Hoynes. He stared at him intensely for a few silent moments, captivating Hoynes attention as the older man began to feel the weight of the Chief of Staff’s gaze. Josh lowered his voice from his booming command to a low whisper, leaving absolutely no room for misinterpretation. “I do not care if my reputation is destroyed or career is over. If you ever touch Donna again. If you ever mention her name again. Hell, if you ever even think of her again, make no mistake, I will destroy you.”

An evil smirk began to crawl across Hoynes face. “Do you want to hit me, Lyman?”

Josh took another step forward and focused his glare, now only a few inches from Hoynes face, slapping the wall near their faces with a flat palm for impact. “DO YOU understand me?”

“Are you threatening me?” Hoynes was caught off guard to say the least, and the question was the only defense he could think of. His pulse quickened as he wondered just how far in over his head he truly was. 

“It’s a warning.” Josh hissed without hesitation. 

Hoynes swallowed hard, realizing he was defeated, and gave an almost imperceptible nod. 

But nothing got past Josh, who stepped backwards upon the acknowledgement and straightened his tie a bit. His voice returned to a normal tone. “I’m 100 times smarter than you. I’m not going to go on TV and tell the world that you’re behind Hellhound. I’m also not going to hit you, though I’d like to so don’t tempt me. But I am going to finish you, John. I’ve let you linger far too long. As of this moment your career, and any whatever tiny hope you had for redemption in politics, is over.”

And with that, Josh quickly fastened the top button on his suit and strode out the office door, just as quickly as he entered.


	40. The Space Between

Josh steeled himself after a long day at the office, exiting his car in front of his apartment and fighting his way through the heavy throng of press that seemed to camp out there now. The bulbs flashed as the reporters shouted questions to him, but Josh stared straight ahead and moved towards the entrance with the security of his agents. 

He felt as though he’d lost all sense of privacy. Not only was his life put on public display through the publication of Hellhound, but now the general public felt as though they were entitled to his psychiatric records. Worst of all, he knew he couldn’t publicly point the finger at John Hoynes. He had to make this all go away without placing the blame. He did have to admit though, he felt increasingly in control of the situation after his visit to Hoynes’ office.

Still, he’d been at the center of discussion of almost every political talk show, newspaper and blog all week. Several GOP leaders, and a few enemies in his own party, had indeed called for his resignation. 

He’d tuned out the questions from the flock of reporters, as he’d learned to do, but was relieved nonetheless once they’d reached his apartment and Josh was left in privacy. 

But as soon as the front door locked, Josh was met with a different kind of turmoil. Donna was only there for a few days, he logically understood that, but without her there the place just felt so empty. She’d made him feel as though he could conquer anything, that his current political faceoff was just another blip on the radar. As soon as she’d left, though, reality came crashing down around him. He was in for the fight of his life, and he was now at the point where, even with the upper hand, he wasn’t sure if he was going to make it out alive. 

He yanked at his tie and dropped his backpack in the entryway, shedding his jacket and tossing it haphazardly over a dining room chair. He opened his fridge, pulling out a beer and popping the top off and then selecting one of the meals that Donna had prepared and frozen for him as his dinner. Popping it in his oven he shuffled around, clicking on the TV and changing into sweats.

As soon as he was comfortable, he pulled out his phone to call Donna. Hearing her voice had quickly become the best part of his nightly routine. If he wasn’t stuck in a meeting or the Sit Room, he’d call her almost as soon as he walked through the door. Though they’d covered a lot of ground on her trip to see him a few weeks prior, neither felt as though they could ask the other to give up their life.

“Hello?” She certainly wasn’t her chipper self today. 

“Hi, Sweetheart. How was your day?”

“It’s better now,” she admitted. ”I hoped you’d call.” 

“What happened?” He was immediately concerned. 

“Oh,” she sighed. “Nothing really. It was just… a day.”

“You can talk to me,” he told her softly. “I’d like to know.”

“Well, my morning meeting ran over, so I was twenty minutes behind all day. And I realize that in your world twenty minutes behind is practically ahead, but in my office it’s enough to trigger widespread hysteria. Then, at lunch, someone turned around too quickly and spilled a Diet Coke all over my shirt, and got a little bit on Sam, too.”

“You were having lunch with Sam?” 

“I have lunch with Sam every day.” 

“Oh. Right.” He felt a little jealous. He knew Sam didn’t have ulterior motives with Donna, but still, he used to have lunch with her every day. He missed her stealing his fries and spouting off inane trivia. It was their time together. Hell, he missed Sam, too. The man had been his best friend for the better part of twenty years. 

“So, after my 2:00 conference call I decided to call it a day and went home early, only to get a flat tire on the freeway.”

“A flat tire?!” Now he really was concerned.

“Yeah.”

“What did you do?”

“I called CJ and Danny. They came to the rescue.”

“Danny can change a tire?” He deflected, feeling the little jolt of pain at the realization that he was no longer the one she called when she needed help. 

“No,” Donna continued nonchalantly. “But he stood there and looked like he knew what he was doing so nobody would pull over to bother us. CJ and I changed the flat.” 

Josh chuckled a bit. “That’s my girl.” 

Donna smiled timidly on the other end of the phone. She never grew tired of hearing his praise, even for the small things.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” he continued softly. “I should have been there for you. I hate the thought of you in a bad situation.”

As the words rolled off of his tongue, Josh realized the deeper meaning to his sentiment.

“Josh, you’re across the country. And even if you weren’t, there’s nothing you could have done to prevent that. And while it’s very sweet of you to say so, really, it all turned out to be fine. Just a minor inconvenience.” 

“I guess,” Josh wandered back to the kitchen, pulling his dinner from where it was warming in the oven. 

“What are you having tonight,” Donna asked, glad she’d taken the time to prepare some freezer meals for him before she’d left.

“The lemon pepper chicken,” he reported as he removed the oven mitt from his hand and tossed it haphazardly onto the counter. “It’s one of my favorites.” 

“So, how was your day?” She reversed the roles with him.

“Oh, you know,” he began with heavy sarcasm in his voice. “Just another great day of for the Chief of Staff. Pundits calling for my head over anything and everything, my private medical records are still the talk of the town, Hoynes’ unsigned book full of lies about my life just hit #1 on the bestsellers list. Should I go on, Donnatella, or do you get the gist of it?” 

She was a bit taken aback at his sudden change in demeanor. 

“You’re worried,” she gently stated her observation. She could deal with a cocky, egotistical Josh. But when Josh was consumed with worry, well, that set her on edge too. She wanted desperately to be there so that she could wrap her arms around him and tell him that they’d weather this storm together.

“Of course!” He threw his free hand in the air. “Of course I’m worried. Lies or not, reputation is everything in this town! This could very well be the end of my career! The end of everything I’ve ever known!”

“But it’s not the end of you, Josh.” Her tone softened as she tried to show him how much she truly cared. “It’s not the end of everything.”

“Donna. This is all I’ve ever wanted to do. It’s all I know how to do. I’ve given up so much to get here. You of all people should understand that. I can’t stand to have it all ripped away from me. Especially by him.”

“It’ll be okay. You’ll weather this. Just like you have everything else. You have a good team behind you. And you’re the brightest mind in the party. He’s just an egotistical liar who is probably hunkering down for the wrath he knows you’re capable of. It’ll go away, Josh. You’ll be fine.”

He relaxed a little with her words of comfort, until it occurred to him that she’d only mentioned him, not them. 

“I’d really like you to be part of that team. I mean, you have a political science degree! No better place for you to put it to use than here and now. Lou loves you. I know she’d beg for you to join communications. Or if you’d rather, there’s room for you in legislative affairs. There’s so much to do, Donna! And we have control of the Senate. Come help me change the world.”

He felt his world crashing down as he was met with her silence. 

“Right,” he let out a puff of air and a mirthless laugh, “Well, I guess that I have my answer on that. You know what? I’ll just talk to you later.”

“Josh!” She couldn’t believe her ears. “Don’t end this call. We need to talk about this!”

“Well?” He waited for her to continue.

Donna took a deep breath and began. “I don’t know if I can come back to DC and watch you self destruct,” she told him sincerely. “It’s not that I’d never consider going back but right now, it’s not a place where I think we can have a healthy relationship. At least if you come to California once a month you take a break, and hopefully you’ll… well, frankly, Josh, hopefully you’ll live longer.”

Josh grumbled at her response, not liking to consider the realities of what she was pointing out. 

“I think, I hope, I’ve made it clear that I love you and that’s certainly not what’s holding me back from joining you,” Donna continued. “It’s just that I see that you’re miserable, and I think we’d both be miserable there. And if neither of us are in a healthy space, I don’t think this will end well, Josh. And I can’t risk that.” 

Donna fell silent. She desperately wanted to ask him to quit and move to California where they could start a whole new life together. But she wouldn’t do that to him. She knew how important this job was to him, and if it didn’t come to the conclusion it was time to resign on his own, he’d always resent her for suggesting it. She just prayed that he’d come to his senses before the job killed him

While the silence hung between them, Josh scrubbed his hands over his face and coarsely through his hair. He couldn’t argue with Donna that right now he was miserable. And God knows he didn’t want to make her miserable, too. But really, if they could just be together, it would all work out. Wouldn’t it?

Finally, Donna broke the silence. “Is there anyway you can come visit me soon? You’re so much more relaxed when you are here. And I miss you so much.”

“I can’t just leave, Donna. You know that as well as I do. Especially right now. It’ll look like I’m backing down. It’ll look like I’m being defeated.”

“But you aren’t, Josh. And at what point is the cost more than the win?” 

He could hear the emotion building in her voice. 

“The whole damn city is hunting me right now, Donna,” he shot off. “The last thing I need is to be at odds with you, too.”

“Josh, I think you’re-”

“Do not. DO NOT tell me that I’m over reacting, Donna. “ He snapped at her, immediately feeling a little guilty.

She was silent, unsure of what to say. 

“I need to know if you’re in this with me or not, Donna,” he told her matter of factly. “I can’t fly to California every weekend, as much as I’d like to. And I also can’t continue to torture myself, wondering day in and day out if I’m going to do something that will make you leave again.”

Donna choked back a sob. “I love you! Do you think it doesn’t torture me not to see you for weeks on end? To wonder if you are eating enough, sleeping enough? Wondering when, not if, the stress from this job is going to kill you? Then to have you question my loyalty to you? JOSH! If I thought my moving to DC would save you, I’d do it in a heartbeat, but please, for the love of God, don’t ask me to move there and watch the city destroy you! Do you think I could survive that?” 

When she stopped he could hear her muffled sobs through the phone, sending a jolt through his heart.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. Please don’t cry. I love you too. You know that, right? And I’ll try to get out there soon. I promise.”

“I know.” She assured. And she did. She was as sure of his feelings for her as anything in this world. She just wasn’t sure that her love would ever be enough to save him.


	41. The Art of War

The call ended and Josh stared at his phone on the table. He was making a mess of everything with Donna, just as he feared. He scrubbed his hands over his face and flopped back against the couch. 

Glancing around the room he spotted the copy of Hellhound he’d brought home with him the previous evening. Even though he knew it was a book born out of revenge, there was still a section that was chipping away at his brain. He stood and wandered over, grabbing the book and paging through it before retaking his position on the couch. 

It was obvious that Hoynes had just been the funding behind the book, paying a ghost writer and a researcher to compile anything damning they could come up with. They’d likely been on the outer rings of political circles, knowing just enough to seem credible without coming up with any details on Josh’s life. He had enough enemies in this town, and combined with the amount of people clamoring to seem closer to the White House than they were, it probably hadn’t been hard to come up with material. 

He’d read it several times before, but the segment towards the middle of the book still resonated with him in a way that made Josh feel the bile rise in his throat. 

Lyman’s mastery of political manipulation didn’t stop when he left the office at night. Notorious for his inability to focus on anything other than his career, he used his power and influence over women as just another weapon in his arsenal. Any and all personal relationships were for political gain. Lyman’s inability to love comes naturally, and he isn’t afraid to use his lack of emotional attachment to his advantage. 

His on and off again relationship with Mandy Hampton strategically began while Lyman was running a dark horse campaign, one that would have been otherwise unable to afford the consultation of a firm such as Hampton’s had she not agreed to signed on to the full time staff at a fraction of her yearly salary the ‘98 election would likely have had a different outcome altogether. Hampton worked media for the both the Bartlet campaign and White House and warmed Lyman’s bed until he no longer saw a need for her, casting her aside with little thought midway through their first year in office. 

The pattern is cyclical for Lyman. Amy Gardner brought him the women’s vote when he needed it, and in lieu of a proper breakup Lyman publicly crushed her, resulting in the loss of her job and a substantial portion of her political clout.

But the manipulation didn’t stop with other advisors. He’d courted the children of party donors, notably involved with oil tycoon John Wisinger’s oldest daughter, Sarah, at a time during which each member of the family was capping out the maximum political donation allowances to stock Bartlet’s war chest for reelection. 

If Josh Lyman needed it, he’d easily convince someone they were loved, take what he wanted and move along without so much as a glance in the rear view mirror. 

The words stung on a deeper level than most of the others in the book. Josh closed the cover and held the book in his hands, staring at the black and white image on the cover, his mind going to a dark place, full of his deepest insecurities. 

Did he really use people? Is that how everyone saw him? Incapable of a real human connection? Only using those around him for political gain? He tried to remind himself that Donna didn’t view him that way, that she’d always been able to see the good inside of him. But he even questioned that. Perhaps what she’d seen in him was simply her eternal optimism. Donna saw the good inside of everyone. Was she simply making the best of a bad situation within him? He’d worked to show her that he loved her over the years, never wanting anything from her in return. He’d genuintely cared for her from the moment he met her, and that affection had grown into so much more over the years, but he questioned his ability to prove that to her. He let out a slow stream of air as he recalled all of the times he was an insensitive ass to her, even if not on purpose. 

He had to be better, he vowed. There was nothing more important to him than Donna. Absolutely nothing. 

He picked up his phone and dialed a familiar number. “Yeah. It’s Josh. Can you be at my house within the hour? I need your help with a few things. Bring Charlie, too.” 

Josh ate his dinner and Cliff showed up at his doorstep right on time, somewhat confused by the request of the Chief of Staff who was clad in a pair of sweatpants and in a remarkably good mood.

Josh filled his two confidants in on his plan, letting them in on strictly what they’d need to know; He knew who was behind Hellhound and what he was about to do was unofficial business. 

Cliff and Charlie each nodded in agreement, assuring Josh they were ready for battle and they’d gladly back him up from the shadows in the coming weeks. 

He shook each man’s hand and saw them out, Charlie and Cliff going their separate ways to meet with their contacts, armed with particular pieces of information that, while not completely damning, would let Hoynes know that Josh meant business. 

Charlie would speak to the party chair the next time he was in the headquarters building, providing him with just enough evidence of wrongdoing that the Democratic National Committee would never endorse John Hoynes in any race. 

Cliff, on the other hand, had tucked into his jacket pocket an envelope of questionable contributions to Hoynes’ private offshore account over the years. Cliff had gone to Law School with the lead prosecutor for the IRS, and dropping by in the evening wouldn’t appear to be abnormal between old friends. And if a nondescript envelope happened to stay on the kitchen table after Cliff left, so be it. 

Josh, for his part, still had a wealth of information about John Hoynes. Most of it, he knew, would be better kept to himself. He wasn’t about to show his cards in a moment of fury, but rather let the hand unfold in a natural pattern. He had, however, pieced together something new over the past 24 hours. Hoynes would know what was happening to him, and would step carefully in the future, Or, more than likely, pack his bags and leave town. 

Josh made his way down the stairs outside of his apartment, holding his hand up to stop his agents when they moved to flank him at the threshold. He cracked the outer door, stepping sideways and scanning the crowd of photographers. The bulk of the media had cleared, knowing that Josh rarely left for the night and their time was better served camping out on someone else's doorstep. 

“You.” he pointed at two young reporters in the middle of the crowd. 

“And you.” He nodded towards another.

“And… you.” he motioned towards a man with a small video camera. 

The four looked around before stepping forward. 

“Inside.” Josh barked and the three slipped, somewhat hesitantly into the foyer of Josh’s building. Once the doors closed behind him, leaving the 4 in silence Josh stared at each member of the press. “Are we off the record?”

The four nodded hesitantly in agreement in the silence of the room as Josh’s agents fell into formation, rather unamused at the Chief of Staff’s impromptu press conference. 

“Are you stringers?” Josh’s guess was confirmed with three nods and a verbal ‘yes.’

“Alright.” He continued. “Well you’re not going to get much here. I’m going to bed and I won’t be leaving my apartment until I go directly to work tomorrow. Nobody’s in or out. But play your cards right and the day after tomorrow’s edition of The Post will feature your work. I am to remain out of this, understood? No quotes from me, no acknowledgement that we ever had this discussion. Understood? Do your own research, on my topic.”

“Why should we?” One of the journalists piped up, clearly skeptical by the man they’d been trying to get a comment from for weeks. 

Josh shrugged his shoulders. “You don’t have to. But I’m giving you an opportunity.”

“What’s the topic?” Another asked. 

“The history of primary challenges against sitting Presidents.” Josh waited to gauge their reactions. “It's a civics piece. A sidebar, really.”

A third reporter scoffed. “Nobody’s going to publish a social studies lesson just to push Santos’ education agenda. What a waste of time.” He turned and left, joined by two of the other reporters.

Josh quietly waited for them to leave. He’d anticipated as much, and was only weeding out reporters that wouldn’t complete the task. 

The last remaining journalist nervously glanced around the foyer, but stood her ground. She was young and hungry, and though she’d taken the particular opportunity to stand outside of Josh’s door begrudgingly, she thought that if the Chief of Staff was extending an opportunity she’d be a fool not to take it. She was right. 

“You’re still here.” Josh stared at her.

“Yes, sir.” 

“What’s your name?” Josh knew exactly who she was.

“Jessica Tate.”

“You’re still here, Ms. Tate.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Very good.” Josh smiled. “So, as I was saying. Off the record that this was my idea. I would, however, be glad to point you in the direction of a few people who will be glad to comment on the record in your article. Contact the Chairman of the Democratic party tomorrow afternoon. He’ll take your call. So will Speaker Sellner and a man named Raymond Burns. He teaches a class on the American Presidency at GW. When you’re done there, call the White House. Lou Thornton will give you a statement from my office. When the article is complete, email it to Danny Concannon at The Post. He’ll be waiting.”

Jessica’s jaw almost dropped, and she nodded eagerly. “Thank you.”

“When that’s completed you may want to check into Senators Foster, Lange and Waters. See if they’ve taken any contributions from a shell corporation called Palmer Textiles. And then check to see if Palmer Textiles happens to own Lone Star Oil. Perhaps pull their voting records and see if their war chests swell at times that coincide with their votes to deregulate drilling in National Parks. I don’t know if there’s anything there or not. Just a hunch, I suppose. You may want to check the company listing and see if any former Vice Presidents sit on the board of directors.”

Jessica’s eyes widened, but Josh didn’t pause to wait for her reaction. 

“When you go outside, they’re going to ask you what we’re still talking about in here,” he continued.

Jessica began to glance outside, but Josh continued to watch her.

“Look at me, please.” he drew the conversation back in, as not to engage the reporters that remained outside. 

She quickly refocused her attention to Josh. 

“They’re going to ask you what we were talking about. And you’re going to act like you’re unimpressed with my offer. Then, in 5 minutes, you’re going to check your phone and loudly whisper to a friend of your choosing that four blocks from here John Hoynes is hosting a poker game with two Senators, a tobacco lobbyist, the chairman of the House Appropriations Committee, at least two call girls and the head of a company with a bid on a defense contract.” 

She furrowed her brow. “But…”

“He is.” Josh assured. “And there’s a story there too, though not a very good one. It’s been told and I doubt anyone credible news organization will race to print what’s been known around the beltway for years.”

“Okay.” Jessica agreed.

Josh nodded once and began to return to his apartment, finished with the conversation.

“Mr. Lyman-” Jessica blurted once he’d reached the stairs, biting her lip. 

Josh paused and turned to her. 

“I’m sorry.” She offered. “For invading your privacy. It’s not the type of journalist I want to be.” 

“And it won’t be,” Josh assured. “You were doing your job, Jessica. It’s a tough town. Write the piece. Send it to Danny. I hope it opens some doors for you.”

She smiled and Josh slipped back inside. Within thirty minutes, there weren’t any reporters outside of his door.

And when Donna flipped on the TV to watch a few minutes of network news, she was hardly surprised to find a gaggle of reporters hounding John Hoynes outside of his townhouse all over her TV screen.

"Oh, Josh," she sighed. "You just can't walk away, can you?"


	42. An Old Friend From Home

“Where did you hear about this place?” Donna picked up the açaí bowl she’d ordered and fell into step next to Sam, crossing the street towards the beach. 

“That girl from Pilates told me about it,” Sam answered with a slight blush. 

“Oooh,” Donna grinned. “Megan?”

“Yeah. Megan.”

“Anything I should know about going on there?” Donna nudged him a bit. 

“No,” Sam shrugged his shoulders. “I took her to dinner last week and there was no spark.”

Donna narrowed her gaze at Sam. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Sam couldn’t help but smile. “Mallory called me.”

“Really?” Donna didn’t hide her interest in this development. 

“Yeah. Her divorce was final a year ago and she told me she’d been thinking about me. And well, I’ve never stopped thinking about her. So, we’ll see.”

“Good for you, Sam,” Donna grinned as they took a seat on a bench overlooking the Pacific. “I like Mallory. And you deserve someone who really appreciates you.”

“So do you, Donna,” Sam began, taking a bite. 

Donna stared at the ground. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Sam gently placed a hand on her back.

“I miss him,” she told him softly. “I miss him so much it hurts. But I don’t want to go back to a lifestyle that I’m sure will destroy him just like it did Leo. For some reason I thought things would change. I’d never ask him to give up a part of himself, but it all just felt different. Like maybe his priorities were shifting. But then all of this stuff came out in the media about Hoynes and I think we both know that means he’s still in the fight. It was just wishful thinking that he’d want to have a personal life. I should have known better. ”

Sam sighed. He’d spoken to Josh a few times over the last few weeks and knew that his best friend was feeling the same way that Donna was, missing the other half of his heart. But Sam also knew that Josh was a man on a mission when it came to John Hoynes. He was going to finish the job. And when Sam had realized why, exactly, Josh was so hellbent on being the final nail in Hoynes’ coffin, Sam had to practice real restraint not to hop a flight to DC and join him. Instead, Sam stayed in California and did his best to stand beside Donna, comforting and protecting her if need be. It’s what Josh needed most, from one of the only people he truly trusted. Besides, it was evident from the news coverage that Josh wasn’t having any trouble getting his point across. He was back to being the political beast worthy of his reputation, 

Sam sighed as Donna rest her head on his shoulder. “He went to the cardiologist last week, though. That’s something. You’ve always been the only one who could get him to take care of himself. And as reckless as he’s been with his health over the last couple years, I think his prognosis was pretty good.” 

She nodded her head in agreement. “That’s what Dr. Bartlet said.”

“Dr. Bartlet?” Sam questioned with a knowing smile. “Does that mean…?”

“Yeah.” Donna grinned. “I took the job. You’re looking at the new Director of The Bartlet Foundation.” 

“Congratulations!”

“Thanks, Sam.”

“I really think it’ll be a great fit,” Sam continued. “You’re perfect for the position.” 

“It feels good to be trusted,” Donna admitted. “And to know that I’m somewhat qualified now.”

“You’ve always been qualified, Donna. There’s no question. You were President Bartlet’s first choice. Wait… why does Dr. Bartlet know about Josh’s cardiologist appointment?” 

“She still gets copies of his medical records so she can call and yell at him after his physicals. Apparently they straightened out his medications, and he promised to stick to the diet and exercise plan this time. He asked Abbey to call me after they were done speaking. She gave me the overview of their conversation and the changes he’d be implementing so I’d have an idea of what was going on. They’re mostly simple changes from the sounds of things. It’s just the job related stress that’s going to be the problem area.”

Sam hummed his agreement, wishing he had a good idea to solve that part of the equation. 

“All I can do is pray that he’ll listen. That he’ll realize how important his health is, and that he’ll take this as seriously as it is.”

Sam nodded in agreement, sharing Donna’s sentiment. Josh had been his best friend for more than two decades and he hated the thought of something happening to him.

“Donna, I know this isn’t my place. But you know how he feels about you, don’t you? I mean, my god, Donna. The way he looks at you. The way his face lights up when he talks about you. And it’s always been that way. That’s what everyone’s out here searching for. The whole world wants a love like yours.”

The two sat in silence for a moment, before Donna spoke softly. 

“I’m going to do it,” she told him, staring out at the ocean. “I swore I wouldn’t. I swore I wouldn’t move to Washington and watch him destroy himself. But I can’t lose him. Maybe it’ll never be Leave It To Beaver for us, but maybe that’s okay. And maybe politics will always come first, but maybe that part of him that’s reserved for me will be enough. Because you know what? I love him, Sam. More than anything in this life. And if he’s going down, I’m going to be holding his hand the whole way.”

“Yes,” Sam stated simply, a small smile growing on his face. “I’d imagine you will be.”

Donna and Sam finished their bowls and he walked her to her car. 

“I know you’ll make the right decision,” he kissed Donna’s cheek. “For both of you. Text me when you get home, let me know you’ve made it safely.”

Donna said goodbye and slid into the driver's seat of her vehicle, fishing her cell phone from her purse. With a wide smile she hit the speed dial for Josh's cell phone. 

“It’s me,” she began when it went to voicemail. “There’s something I’d like to talk to you about. Everyone is fine,” she added knowing how his mind worked. “More than fine, actually. Just… call me when you can squeeze me in. I love you. Bye.”

She hung up and drove home, unable to stop grinning. Somehow everything would be okay in the end. This time, she was sure of it. 

But Josh didn’t call back. And eventually, his phone began to go directly to voicemail.


	43. Every Single Day

Donna woke the next morning to the sound of her alarm, hopping into the shower and moving around her casita to dress and prepare for the day. She’d hoped Josh would call at some point in the night, but he never did. She assumed he’d probably been called into the situation room or had spent half the night strategizing on legislation and then fallen asleep on his couch. She hated it, but it was just the reality of the matter.

She’d glanced at her outfit in the full length mirror, smoothing her pencil skirt and slipping into a new pair of heels as she grabbed a pair of earrings from the jewelry box on her dresser, putting them on as she gathered her bag for the day. 

Donna glanced up towards the clock when she heard a knock at the door.

“Just a second,” she called, assuming CJ had walked over. Donna walked over and unlocked the door, freezing as soon as she saw him.

“Josh?” It was almost a whisper. She couldn’t believe her eyes. 

“Hi.” It was the best he could come up with, standing in front of her, nervous and vulnerable and, in her opinion, wonderfully rumpled from a red eye flight. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked in disbelief as she stepped forward and kissed him hello softly, lingering for a moment to absorb his presence. 

“I, uh…” he paused for a moment. He’d played this conversation, and its many potential outcomes, over in his mind a thousand times as his flight sailed through the night, but now that he stood in front of her, he couldn’t find the right words. “Can I come in?”

“What? Oh! Of course.” She moved back inside the casita, hanging her bag on its hook and closing the door behind them.

Josh perched on the end of her bed, glancing around nervously. He could handle himself in front of generals and heads of state, and he could wrangle Congress into submission with simply a look. But this? Talking to Donna? This was making his heart pound. 

She gently took a seat next to him, turning to face him and giving him a welcoming smile as she waited for him to speak.

“I’ve been thinking,” he began a bit unsteadily, clearing his throat and trying again. He was determined to say what he’d flown out here to say. He fidgeted somewhat nervously, staring at a spot on the floor in front of him. “I’ve been thinking about you. About us, really.”

Donna placed her hand on his leg, encouraging him to continue without interrupting.

“Donna, there’s nothing in this world that’s more important to me than you are. And yesterday I was sitting at my desk reading a briefing memo and I couldn't concentrate because I wondered…”

“You wondered what, Josh?” 

“I wondered if you knew that?” He looked over and met her gaze, more fear in his eyes than Donna ever recalled seeing before. 

“Oh, Josh.” She reached for him, her hand cupping his face as her thumb grazed across the stubble growing on his jaw. 

It wasn’t lost on Josh that she hadn’t directly answered his question. 

“Do you?” He asked again. “Do you know you’re the best part of my life? Do you know that you’re more important than my job?”

She looked down a second, and cleared her throat before looking back up at him.

“Josh-” She wanted to tell him that he didn't have anything to prove to her. That she understood. That she’d take whatever part of him was available.

“I took a leave of absence,” he blurted out before she had the chance to say anything else. 

“You… what?” She could hardly believe her ears and her surprise was evident on her face.

He smiled genuinely for the first time that morning. “I took a leave of absence,” he repeated. “Six weeks.” 

“You’re serious?”

“As a heart attack.” He responded glibly.

“Joshua!” She hissed, cringing at the very notion.

“Sorry.” He muttered a little contritely.

“So you finally understand that you need a break,” she continued softly. “So you’re telling me you’re going to start taking care of yourself now, right?” 

His brow furrowed. “Donna, no. I mean, yes.” He shook his head to clear his thoughts. “That’s not what this is about. It wasn’t a doctor. This isn’t about my health.”

“Then what’s it about?”

“You.”

“Me?” She was stunned to say the least.

“And I know that I don’t deserve you,” he continued. 

“Don’t say that,” she whispered. 

“I just finally realized that none of what I’m doing matters if I don’t have you. Without you, I don’t care if I’m healthy or successful or anything else. The political victory doesn’t matter if I don’t have you. And I know that I’m not really good at this stuff, but I really want to try to do things right for you... And I want you to know that I’ll put you first.”

He reached into his backpack and pulled out a plain envelope, handing it to her.

“I have a 45 day leave of absence,” he continued, getting down to specifics. “At the end of the 45 days, I’ll meet with President Santos and let him know if I want to retain my position as Chief of Staff or if I’ll resign completely.”

Donna raised an eyebrow at him. He’d worked his entire life to become the Chief of Staff, and the thought of him stepping down was enough to throw her off. 

“But that’s not why I’m here,” Josh continued softly. “I’m not here about what happens at the end of the leave, I’m here about the 45 days between right now and that meeting. I want to prove to you that you’re my priority. I want to spend time with you and get to know this part of you that’s new to me. I want to support you and love you and plan a life with you.”

“I’d like that,” Donna felt her heart swell as tears began to well up inside of her eyes. 

“So I thought we could start with the spending time together part,” he nodded towards the envelope. “I’d like to take you to Italy for three weeks. Just the two of us. No press, no work, no cell phones. And after that, I’d like to spend the rest of the time here, in California. At the end of the month we can decide together how, and where, to live the rest of our lives. What do you think?” 

Donna’s jaw had slowly dropped during his small speech. 

“Donna?” he questioned after a moment, not at all used to her sitting silently. “Donna, you’re kind of scaring me.”

She leaned in and softly captured his lips, unsure of where to begin. “Well,” she smiled against him. “I guess I better get packed.”

“Really?” Josh let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding as a full dimpled grin appeared on his face. 

“Of course. But before that, I think we have to make up for lost time in some other areas.” 

Josh pulled her closer and leaned back into the pile of pillows on her bed. 

“You really want to do this?” she asked him as his arms wrapped around her. “With me?”

“Only with you, Donnatella. Of that I’m sure,” he smiled. “And you know what? Having a life with you sounds… well, it sounds wonderful. I’ve never wanted the house in the suburbs and the 2.5 kids and the white picket fence. But then I met you and that all seemed to change. Now I want it all.”

“You... do?” She could hardly believe what she was hearing. It was more than she’d ever dared hope he’d want to share with her. 

“Of course,” he kissed her softly. “I’m in love with you, Donnatella.”

“And I’m in love with you, Joshua,” she reminded him, allowing herself to begin to get lost in him. 

Their hope for a future filled with love and happiness suddenly seemed as though it was finally theirs for the taking. They’d weathered the storms and made it through to the other side. They both knew that they wouldn’t let anything separate them again. They a plan, and a real shot at a normal life. But mostly, they had each other. 

“There’s something I should have said to you two years ago,” she told him, recalling the afternoon when she’d walked out of his campaign office. 

“What’s that?” he paused, furrowing his brow a little bit.

“I missed you too,” she told him softly, punctuating her statement with tender kisses on his lips. “Every. Single. Day.”

 

 

*Epilogue to follow.


	44. Epilogue

8 Years Later

CJ Cregg stood at her kitchen counter, placing two bottles of wine onto a tray with assorted juice boxes. 

She heard the familiar introduction of her favorite news talk program above the chatter in the living room.

“Ceej? It’s on!” Danny called.

“Yeah! Hurry, Mom!” A growing girl’s voice shouted. “You’re going to miss it!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” CJ playfully retorted.

CJ slid the tray onto the table and took her place next to Danny, holding her wine as she made herself comfortable in his arms. “Sam. You’re on juice box duty tonight,” she announced as Sam nodded, accepting his fate and beginning to unwrap the tiny straws attached to the outside of the boxes. 

“We have a couple of special guests on tonight’s show,” the announcer began. “The new tell all book that is taking Washington by storm,” the man on television continued. “Storybook Romance, due to be released next week, is an insider’s view of the DC political scene and blooming love between former White House Chief of Staff Josh Lyman and his wife, the Director of The Bartlet Foundation, Donna Moss-Lyman.”

The program cut to a pre-recorded interview, flashing over to Josh and Donna, seated next to each other in plush armchairs. 

“MAMA!” the blonde toddler on the rug pointed towards the TV. “Mama! Mama!”

“Yes, that’s Mama.” Josh swooped in and picked her up, kissing her dimpled cheeks before sitting down next to Donna. 

“And you too, Daddy,” chimed in the small clone of Josh seated next to his best friend, an exact replica of Sam, as they built a fort from Legos. 

“Uncle Josh is wearing a suit,” CJ & Danny’s daughter laughed, having never seen her uncle so formally dressed before. 

“Shhh,” Danny instructed all of the kids. “Let’s all listen.”

The interview covered the promotional points that the book tour’s manager had outlined, speaking briefly about Josh and Donna’s time in the White House and on the campaign trail as well as their lives afterward. 

While the group of friends watched TV, Josh only watched Donna. The dark days surrounding Hellhound were a stark contradiction to the life they were currently living. He pulled his wife closer and listened to the announcer read a book review. 

Notorious for a different tell all book about life inside the DC Beltway, Former Chief of Staff and modern political mastermind Josh Lyman brings us an enchanting tale of his journey to love over the course of a tumultuous decade beside his now wife, Donna Moss-Lyman.

The former Deputy Chief of Staff and campaign guru fell in love with his assistant nearly two decades ago, but their lives and careers kept them apart. Together Moss and Lyman navigated most of the events that have shaped our lives as an unstoppable team inside the White House, but it wasn’t until Moss’ departure that Bartlet’s Bulldog realized that there was more to life than pollsters and legislation. 

Most of America is familiar with Lyman from his time in the Bartlet White House as well as the first term of the Santos Administration, readers delight at the loving portrait that the book paints of Moss, an every day American with a big heart and an aptitude for politics. While Lyman is no stranger to Ivy League schooling, Moss contrasts his experiences nicely with hands on hard work and a wealth of common sense. 

The ending, of course, shouldn’t be a surprise. I think it’s safe to say that most adults remember the photos flashing across the major news networks of the Chief of Staff eloping in the Italian coast prior to running one of the most successful reelection campaigns in history and then gently fading into the shadows on his own terms. What we didn’t know, however, was how he ended up lovestruck and content to fade away to a quiet life. 

Even with the debut of his memoir, Lyman keeps much of his personal life private, but we do see becomes one of the most captivating love stories of our generation. For Joshua Lyman and Donnatella Moss, it is indeed a Storybook Romance.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for stopping by to read my newest story! I hope you've enjoyed the first chapter. Let me know what you think!
> 
> I just wanted to leave a note and clarify that I WILL continue to update Ballots and Bows weekly. This story is completely written so don't worry, I won't lose focus on my Audrey-verse.
> 
> Special thanks to kcat1971 for all of the help on this story. You have the ability to understand my crazy ideas and help shape them into a cohesive story. You’re an amazing beta, writer and friend :)


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